(Clearwisdom.net) I had the good fortune to come across Falun Gong at a teacher's study meeting during summer vacation of 2002. That first year, I practiced the exercises and studied the Fa at home. Although I knew the status of fellow practitioners from the Clearwisdom website, I thought myself to be a novice and that this practice needed more investigation. Later, a fellow practitioner invited me to attend an experience sharing conference. When practitioners were speaking, I caught sight of a corona around their heads. I was greatly shocked. Falun Dafa practitioners who went out to validate the Fa against the pressure of the persecution were radiant.
From then on, I started to work vigorously to catch up with my fellow practitioners. I actively participated in all the work I could find to validate the Fa and tried to be a diligent practitioner. However, the more work I was involved in, the less time I had to study the Fa. As a result, my mind could not settle down. Generally, after I studied a paragraph, I was eager to find out an answer to some problem that needed solving. Or I would attend to one thing and lose sight of another. Consequently, I failed to achieve the expected results, or even ended up with nothing definite.
On the morning of October 11, 2004, a serious event occurred in my school. In grades 1, 2, 3 and kindergarten, several students went home sick, while in my class, 23 students, including my daughter, fell ill with the same symptoms over the next two days. To my great astonishment, I realized that my cultivation status had serious problems. What was wrong with me? What kind of attachment had caused me to deviate from the Fa? That night Teacher's article, "My Version of a 'Stick Wake-up'," was published on the Clearwisdom website. I felt as if a stick had hit me heavily. First, I realized that my orientation towards truth-clarification was not correct.
That was it! I was always busy with things fellow practitioners entrusted me to do, while I neglected the people around me. So I began to think of how to clarify the facts about Falun Dafa to those around me.
At that time, the coordinator of my practice site mentioned holding a motorcade parade against the persecution and torture in Tainan and Yongkang City. I agreed immediately, while I mused in my heart, "This is good. The sentient beings around me will have a chance to be saved." Since that was the first parade of its kind across Taiwan, he explained in detail and discretely why he enlightened to it. After sharing views with him, I shed tears. I caught a glimpse of life in the new universe, and saw that I was stubbornly stranded in the old universe by my own selfishness.
He thought that there was a basic shortcoming in holding anti-torture exhibitions at fixed points, because the population of Yongkang City is so huge. The number of people who may pass by each exhibition site are relatively very few. It would consume too much time and energy to hold anti-torture exhibitions aiming at different groups, so he came up with an idea and said, "Why not bring the truth before people's eyes actively, and clarify the facts about Falun Dafa thoroughly, with a motorcade parade with anti-torture displays?" The idea was very good, but the entire preparation process, like planning the parade route, the motorcade's demonstration content, the staff arrangements, contact work before the parade, truth-clarifying material preparation, and the source of funding, as well as other miscellaneous tasks would be arduous. At this time, most of the practitioners who had been involved in organizational work in the Tainan area had all gone to Manhattan. If we decided to have the parade, we would have to bear all the responsibility ourselves.
However, to clarify the facts of Falun Dafa all over and to give the new practitioners and practitioners who had not stepped out a chance to validate the Fa, my fellow practitioner decided to shoulder the responsibility. Therefore, he started by giving a detailed explanation to each practitioner and to seek understanding and support from all practitioners, new and old alike. In his conversation he always emphasized that we are a single body. He said that it is our historic mission to clarify the facts of Falun Dafa, expose the evil, stop the persecution and save sentient beings. He further let everyone know that we must promote this together. If one of us encounters difficulty, he said, it is not only your problem, but also my problem. At last he told me that he felt extreme pain when undergoing tribulations, but had the strength to go on as long as he realized that he could do something for our fellow practitioners. When he stepped forward earnestly, he could touch others and convince them to step forward together.
It was this practitioner's compassion of treating others as selflessly as possible and being considerate of others all the time that deeply touched me, disintegrated my selfishness, and let me see my shortcomings. This selfless compassion also moved others, and many new faces appeared in this activity. It was expected that 100 practitioners would be needed, but 170 practitioners showed up to accomplish the great task. Moreover, everyone did their best at what they were responsible for. As a result, the parade achieved a very good effect in clarifying the facts of Falun Dafa. For instance, before the parade began, the groups distributing the truth-clarifying materials planned to clarify the facts house-by-house, to achieve the highest ratio of people who would receive our informational materials. During a break in decorating the parade vehicles with flowers, I sent forth righteous thoughts and saw this scene: innumerable sentient beings lined up to form the characters in our message. Everyone was waiting to assimilate to the Fa.
When I went out to validate the Fa in beginning, I just sought to manifest a corona around my head and match the unsurpassed glory of the title, "Falun Dafa disciple." Was that not the pursuit of reputation? Although it is a sacred reputation, it is still an attachment to some pursuit! In Essentials for Further Advancement, Teacher said explicitly,
"Those who are attached to their reputations practice an evil way, full of intention. Once they gain renown in this world, they are bound to say good but mean evil, thereby misleading the public and undermining the Fa." ("Cultivators' Avoidances")
Under the influence of this attachment to my reputation, I took my work toward saving sentient beings as something that would be rewarded by progress toward my own consummation. My selfishness used to be very serious. Facing the people around me, I always took it for granted to ask them for their help and coordination in Dafa work. I demanded their help using the excuse of doing sacred Falun Dafa work, rather then asking them to step forward out of compassion for them. When my husband asked for something while I was eager to finish my Dafa work at hand, I always replied thoughtlessly, "Teacher has talked about this issue. Why can't you understand the Fa by studying the Fa!" When I saw that my children were not studying the Fa diligently or were practicing the exercises carelessly, I would often cast inconsiderate words at them saying, "If you do not forge ahead diligently, you cannot return to your home in Heaven."
I am thankful for Teacher's grace to let me see my deficiencies. Only through realizing this deficiency, have I found the way to improve. I'm also thankful for my fellow practitioner's compassion that led me back to the right path, even when I could not understand the Fa clearly because of my attachments. Thank you, Teacher. Thank you, everyone.
December 16, 2004