(Clearwisdom.net) I recently have had some experiences with conflicts between husband and wife and decided to share what I have learned
How practitioners relate to their families is very important. If a practitioner cannot do this well, it will directly influence his or her family's opinion toward Dafa and will also affect whether they will be saved. The conflict I had with my husband recently is a good example.
At first I was very attached to my standard of living and position in society, and this became a loophole that was taken advantage of by the old forces. Once I realized that the old forces were using these attachments to damage my relationship with my family, I became increasingly clear-headed through studying the Fa and improving my xinxing. I eliminated the negative influence brought out by my attachments. When I realize and validate the Fa, the magnificent power of the Fa is also manifested.
My husband is a driver for a kindergarten run by his sister. One morning I asked his sister about his salary and then started a fight with him. I completely forgot that I was a practitioner. I even swore not to talk to him ever again. Three days later we were still not talking to each other. On the fourth day at 10:00 p.m. my husband still had not come home. I started to calm down and admitted to myself that I had done something wrong. Teacher said,
"If you fight and struggle like an ordinary person, you are an ordinary person. And if you did it with more gusto than him, then you're not even as good as that ordinary person." (Zhuan Falun)
I became rational and started thinking how a Dafa practitioner should deal with such problems.
I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate my thought karma and all evils in my husband's and my own dimensions. I then called him, but twice he refused to answer. I called his sister and learned that he had gone out with a former classmate. He even refused to answer his sister's phone calls. At last I called his classmate's cell phone and learned that he was drinking with his friend, who had recently been released from jail. They were then going to a bar for fun. I thought to myself, "I cannot let the old forces take advantage of me. I need to validate Dafa."
Teacher said,
"For us cultivators conflicts come up suddenly. So what should we do? If you always keep a compassionate heart, and a peaceful state of mind, when you run into problems you'll handle them well because it will give you space as a buffer." (Zhuan Falun).
I had found my fundamental attachment: the interference of sentimentality between husband and wife. I always treated my husband as my personal belonging. How selfish and deep-rooted that attachment is!
Teacher already said in "Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference,"
"Except for newer students, from July 20 of 1999 on, Master hasn't created any personal cultivation tests for you, and that's because overall your personal cultivation has changed in every respect so that it's in the direction of saving sentient beings and validating Dafa."
But I still have such a strong attachment. I am way behind!
I went to my in-law's home the next day and told them about my husband's situation rationally. Both my father-in-law and sister-in-law promised to talk with him. My husband came home that night. After work, I started cooking dumplings - his favorite food. I asked him to make the wrap. He was initially shy but I compassionately took him to the kitchen. At that moment my heart was full of compassion for him and had no selfish ordinary people's sentimentality. It was also at this moment that I realized the boundless compassion of Teacher. My tears flowed.
The power of compassion can dissolve anything. What is compassion? "Compassion" is a boundless tolerance, and tolerance is a manifestation of a realm. If there is no tolerance, where does the compassion come from? If we handle evil with compassion, evil will be dissolved. But if we handle evil with evil, we become even more vicious.
I realize through this incident that we need to always remember that we are cultivators even though our family is very close to us. We need to keep a calm and peaceful mind. If we fail to do this, our family will be influenced. The old forces will magnify our attachments and mislead us to think that we do not have to consider our family just because they are so close to us. From this aspect, it is truly important that we "validate the Fa with rationality."
The above are just my shallow understandings. Please point out anything that is inappropriate.
Jan 17th 2005