(Clearwisdom.net) After reading the announcement about the Second Mainland China Internet Experience Sharing Conference, I thought, "I don't have much to write about from the past few years, so I won't submit anything."
After several days, I realized the following: wasn't I being selfish to think that way? By only thinking of myself and cultivating myself, I was being responsible for neither Dafa nor fellow practitioners. I learned lessons and uncovered shortcomings in the past. I could write them down so that others will not make the same mistakes. Plus, I could also write down some of my understandings and share them with others. So, I decided to start with the topic, "We are not cultivating to be heroes."
One evening two days ago, my wife asked for a divorce. She was afraid that I might be arrested for "clarifying the truth". She no longer wanted to continue such a worrying life with me, and she was unable to change my determination to practice Dafa and clarify the truth. So, she chose to divorce. I thought about clarifying the truth to convince her, but did not know where to start. So I agreed to the divorce.
The next day, however, I realized that it was wrong for things to go that way. Would Teacher arrange a path of divorce for me? In "Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York," Teacher said,
"And you are allowed to cultivate while conforming to ordinary people's way of life to the greatest extent. As long as Master says something is okay, you can just go ahead and follow ordinary people's way of doing it, because you are meant to walk your path in that way, and human beings are meant to be saved in that way."
I came to understand that divorce, being arrested, or being persecuted are not correct cultivation states. It must be the old forces' arrangements. The old forces always take advantage of our loopholes and put us in undesirable situations, with the excuse of aiding our personal cultivation. They have created tribulations for us, brought persecution to us, and interfered with the Fa-rectification. They are damaging Dafa disciples' cultivation path - something unprecedented in history - and attempting to change our path arranged by Teacher. However, we are not here to take the so-called tests enforced by the old forces, nor are we here to be brave warriors. We have greater missions, that is, to validate Dafa and to save sentient beings. We will not walk the path enforced by the old forces. We will continually study the Fa and regard the Fa as Teacher, so as to walk the path arranged by Teacher. We are not here to fight with the evil. Teacher said,
"...cultivators have no enemies, and nobody is worthy of being Dafa's enemy" ("Turning the Wheel Towards the Human World").
Teacher also talked about, "Purging evil as if but whisking dust away" ("A Will That Ebbs Not").
The purpose of our cleaning away barriers and opposing the persecution is to save sentient beings.
Then, where had I done poorly so that the old forces found excuses to persecute me and my family? Teacher asks us to look within. I realized that I was not compassionate to my family and relatives at home, nor was I compassionate to my students at school. When troubles came up, I did not consider things from their perspective, and was not considerate of them. I always thought about myself--emphasizing how important I was, and how correct I was. Sometimes I was emphasizing that I was arrogant, having forgotten to be compassionate to others. I had forgotten that the reason I came here was to validate the Fa, not to validate myself.
I remembered Teacher's words:
"...we need to always have a compassionate heart and calm mind. Then when you suddenly run into some problem you'll be able to handle it well. If your mind is always that peaceful and compassionate, when problems suddenly come up, you'll usually have a buffer and room to think it over. But if your mind is always thinking about disagreeing with other people, fighting over this, over that, then I'd say once you run into a problem you'll start fighting. I guarantee it." (Zhuan Falun)
I discovered that I had the attachment of fighting with others. Actually I had found that attachment a long time ago, and had been trying to get rid of it. So why was it still so strong and lasting for so long? I continued to look within, and realized that upon confronting problems, I tended to look outward for solutions, rather than looking within.
Because of looking outward, I would become emotional and start to complain when problems arose, when others would not listen to me, when things didn't go as I expected, or when truth-clarification wasn't smooth. Sometimes I would think I was not doing well in cultivation. I suffered so much and found it hard to get over tribulations. I had many complaints and even thought of giving up the practice. There were also occasions that I used the Fa or doing the three things as excuses to evade problems, rather than looking within and improving myself. In fact, I had missed good opportunities to validate the Fa.
Upon finding and understanding these attachments, I felt very good, as if my mind were refreshed. Such understandings came only after I constantly studied the Fa and did the "three things," exposing the evil persecution in my local area. In this process, I was also assisted by Teacher's compassionate guidance and care. Through this experience, I further realized the importance of Fa-study, and the importance of doing the "three things" well. Throughout our cultivation, our elevation and all of our understandings come from these. Teacher said, "no loss, no gain" "However much you put in, that's how much you get out" (Zhuan Falun).
Speaking of the attachment of fear, one may tend to think of the fear of evil and fear of persecution. In fact, I also found other types of fear: fear of others not listening to the truth, fear of not being understood, fear of having too many attachments, fear of doing poorly and damaging the Fa, fear of time running short, fear of being unable to catch up with the Fa-rectification momentum, fear of being attached to qing, fear of others speaking badly of me, fear of the evil's interference. It is clear that all these manifestations of fear are attachments to protecting myself and looking outward.
Such attachments have many manifestations. For example: hesitation before clarifying the truth and even giving up, having too many worries and being too cautious, and having no wisdom or compassion during truth-clarification. Other manifestations include paying too much attention to others' attitudes while clarifying the truth to them, and becoming overly happy when others accept truth-clarification materials, and unhappy when they don't, as if selling something. In the past, I tended to ignore people's ability to accept the things I was trying to tell them, instead, only focusing on what I wanted to tell them. When the results were not good, I felt frustrated and no longer wanted to clarify the truth again. I was impatient, and always wanted to achieve certain results, but things often turned out to be contrary to my expectations. I did the "three things" as if I were just finishing tasks, and tended to argue with others on hearing opposing opinions. I remembered Teacher's words,
"When I tell you to change your human understandings, I am not asking you to maintain a human way of understanding Dafa. Yet neither should you be irrational or eccentric. I want you to be clearheaded in understanding Dafa."(Essentials for Further Advancement)
Now I better understand these words.
Such actions, where I would just do my own things and ignore others, made me appear to be determined in Dafa, but were actually quite different from Dafa's requirements, the requirements for a god. I remembered a verse in the third exercise, "Xinci Yimeng" (provisional translation: "The heart is compassionate and the will is strong"). Firstly, being determined in Dafa is not simply how you appear; it is being clearheaded in your mind. We should not be deluded under any circumstances, and we need to do things according to the requirements of the Fa. We should know what we are here for, and stay on track, rather than being attached to worldly people's attitudes and how things appear on the surface. Secondly, we need to be compassionate and patient. We are here to validate the Fa, and to save sentient beings. We should hold the attitude of, "I will not argue with you or fight with you. I just want to save you. If it does not work at the beginning, I will try again and again, until you understand." Thirdly, we need to firmly and rationally safeguard the Fa. Upon seeing someone misunderstand Dafa, slander Dafa, or persecute Dafa practitioners, we need to clarify the truth to him or her and eliminate all the evil behind the scenes, to safeguard Dafa and sentient beings. This is a real hero--one who is forged by Dafa - not by the old forces, or in the prisons and labor camps, or amidst evil tribulations. We are not heroes in the human world, nor heroes who show themselves off.
Furthermore, I also have new understandings on why we need to pay attention to Fa-study, and need to study the Fa constantly. There is one sentence in Zhuan Falun,
"Shakyamuni was actually saying, 'Different levels have different Laws, and the Law at each level isn't the absolute Truth of the universe, but the Law at any given level does act as a guide at that level.'"
My current understanding of this sentence is, as the Fa-rectification proceeds, Dafa's requirements for us are different. When we are cultivating and doing Dafa work at different levels, we need to be guided by the Fa at those levels. The Fa that we enlighten to at a certain level can only guide us on that level. As we elevate, our previous understandings can no longer guide our cultivation and Dafa work, let alone guide our future cultivation and validating the Fa. Therefore, we need to constantly study the Fa to improve ourselves and improve our xinxing. As we are improving and doing more Dafa work, Dafa's requirements for us also increase. So we should pay more attention to Fa-study and cultivation.
While writing this article, I noticed several attachments of mine, and became more clearheaded on doing the "three things" as a Dafa disciple. I also came to understand that sharing experiences among practitioners should aim to validate the Fa and improve together. Here I would like to thank Teacher for arranging this opportunity for me to improve.