(Clearwisdom.net) I have always been selfish when doing the three things. This selfishness was deeply hidden and not easily perceived. That is, I wanted to improve myself faster through doing the three things, and I didn't want to lag behind during the period of Dafa disciples saving sentient beings. Looking back, my heart was not pure and I had a selfish reason. I did not put Dafa and sentient beings purely first in my heart, making the effect of doing the three things not good. The greatest impact occurred when I clarified the truth, as I couldn't easily touch other's hearts.
During a long period of Fa-study, because I had the thoughts of improving myself faster, I could read the book without missing any words. However to a varying extent, I paid attention to those areas that I felt would help me improve faster, while giving less attention to others that seemed to have less significance. Due to the obstacles of these attachments, I couldn't see the real meaning of the Fa, and I wasn't advancing. "Elevation" is not obtained by pursuing it. As Teacher said in "A Dialogue with Time:"
"Divine Being: Some of them have come looking for the aspect of the Fa that they consider good, but they are unable to let go of the aspect that prevents them from having a complete understanding of the Fa."
When I read "Minghui Weekly" I also found myself being selective.. I know that Minghui is a trusted website that Teacher endorses, and each article of "Minghui Weekly" should be read carefully. However, when I read it I still felt most interested in "Practitioners Exchange Insights and Experiences." I thought this part would help me the most. I only glanced at "News Collection, Clarify the Truth and Save Sentient Beings." Now I clearly see why I did not pay attention to these parts. It was a notion making me think that this section would not help me much. I feel very ashamed admitting these things, realizing how terrible and filthy these thoughts are, of obtaining something from Dafa. Actually, those sections that I do not want to read are where I have the most obstacles, and also where I have the most human attachments.
Now I have understood, from these parts including "News Collection," of the current situations about Dafa spreading in the world, how Dafa disciples inside and outside of China validate Dafa, and the persecution of Dafa disciples, as well as sentient beings getting to know the truth and their lives having hope. If I am unconcerned about this, am I still a Dafa disciple during Fa rectification period? If I only concern myself with my own improvement and am not concerned about Dafa, and fellow practitioners and sentient beings being saved, isn't that selfishness and egotism?
When I realized these things, it seemed that a layer of shell wrapping around my heart was broken, and my heart's capability suddenly increased. While I found my fundamental attachment (to the worldly benefit that Dafa could bring to me), my heart became much brighter.
I have rarely written articles in the past. I have had some experiences while doing the three things that I wanted to write about, but felt my writing skills were not good enough. My human mentality caused me to think that taking time to write would reduce my opportunity for improvement and waste time that could be spent on Fa study and sending righteous thoughts. Although I had been studying the Fa, I didn't understand the Fa principles and I didn't see my attachment. After reading the notice of "the Second Writing Fa Conference of Dafa Disciples in Mainland China," I studied Teacher's several articles about Fa conferences (which I had previously ignored). Teacher said,
"We should make our Fa Conferences grand gatherings in which we summarize what we've experienced and learned, find where we fall short, draw on what we have achieved, and establish the righteous thoughts of Dafa disciples. Cherish all of what you've done, and on the path ahead may you do even better." ("To the European Fa Conference Held in Vienna")
The process of writing this article has allowed me to view, in retrospect, the path I have walked as a practitioner. As I summarized my experiences and identified the shortcomings of my cultivation, I found the fundamental attachments that hadn't been removed and the various human mentalities which were deeply hidden. Now I realize that writing experience sharing articles does not waste our time, and will not affect studying the Fa and sending righteous thoughts. On the contrary, we will significantly improve and advance in Dafa cultivation. My thoughts have also become much clearer when clarifying the truth.
A few days ago, I clarified the truth to someone. As I clarified the truth to him, the words seemed to flow out of my heart naturally. As I thought about this, I realized that I was clarifying the truth from a new level. Previously, I was clarifying the truth for the purpose of clarifying the truth, this time I was clarifying the truth with my heart.
Please point out any of my shortages with compassion.