(Clearwisdom.net) I am a senior practitioner who obtained the Fa before July 20, 1999. But I am very ashamed that I have not been diligent and I am far from being like those diligent practitioners. It is benevolent Master who does not give up on me, enlightening me to catch up with the progress of Fa rectification. I am writing down a little of my experience in the hope of giving some lessons to those practitioners who share the same problem with me.
After July 20 1999, on validating Dafa, I stumbled frequently. I felt very confused. I thought, "I have studied the Fa every day. Why I am still like this?" Once I had a dream that we were having a Fa conference; Teacher sat in the center, and Dafa disciples asked Teacher questions as usual. I asked Teacher, "Teacher, you have said that if we only study Fa, we can solve any problem. Why can't I see Fa principles although I keep studying the Fa?" Teacher answered me clearly, "It can only be because you are not diligent."
After I woke up, I reflected on myself, I am indeed not diligent. I obtained the Fa under a situation of pain and desperation and I felt there was no way out. After I obtained the Fa, I understood that a cultivator should put down the attachment to fame, gain and sentiment, but in my bones I was still thirsty for human things. I felt much pain when I lost something. The reason that I started cultivating was to change unsatisfactory things. On the surface I seem to be reading Fa and studying the Fa every day and to be cultivating; however I hide deeply my fundamental attachment to human "fame, gain and sentiment." I am actually pursuing the so-called human "good life." So I hold God in one hand and hold human things in the other hand. Since I do not know myself, I have unconsciously committed serious mistakes. To study the Fa with such a fundamental attachment is actually not respectful to Teacher or to the Fa. Of course Fa principles will not appear to me. Because I have not studied the Fa well it is not strange that I walk my path with difficulty! The manifestation is that, in a critical trial, I cannot pass the test, and I am not steadfast in the Fa.
Teacher seriously pointed out in the article "Towards Consummation":
After cultivating for a period of time, are your thoughts still the same? Are you continuing on the path because of those human attachments? If so, you cannot be counted as my disciple. It means that you haven't gotten rid of your fundamental attachments and that you are unable to understand the Fa from the Fa."(in Essentials for Further Advancement II)
Cultivation is indeed the most serious thing in the world. We are in the maze of human life. For a long time we have forgotten the true meaning of life. Driven by jealousy, we have pursued "fame, gain and sentiment" in the world as the ultimate purpose of life. Teacher finds us with benevolence, gives us hope, helps us enlighten to our inborn Buddha nature and leads us to step onto the road of returning to our true self. However the human world is at sea. While we really want to go back to the righteous way, we feel so much resistance and we feel extreme pain when we lose those human things.
Looking back at my former half-life, it is full of the selfishness of sentimentality and love, and the emptiness of money, unsatisfied desires and avarice. I am really lonely and tired. For a while after I stepped into cultivation, I really felt the happiness and lightness of giving up attachments. It is a feeling that can't be exchanged with anything in the human world. If we compare the two things, which is the true happiness? What reason do we have to recall with nostalgia the phony so-called "happy life" of the human world?
Not until now have I understood that the motive for studying the Fa is the key to studying the Fa well. "Studying Fa" is magnificent. We study the Fa for the purpose of returning to the true self, not to satisfy some mundane human purpose. This is the essential difference. After I set my heart righteously, I cultivated down to earth. Buddhas, Taos and Gods behind the Fa show me more and more Fa principles. I really feel now that I am proceeding at a tremendous pace. Now I understand: cultivation is not related to the length of time or age, but is related to whether we are genuinely cultivating! Teacher just wants our shining "Buddha heart"!
I suggest that all of us recite the Fa. During the process of reciting the Fa I benefit a lot.