(Clearwisdom.net)
Master said:
"Whether you respect me or not, as your Master, I really, truly don't mind. Back then, as I was saving you, a lot of you were cursing at me. There were people who were cursing at me even while at my classes. I don't mind. I just want to save you. (Applause) What I'm trying to say is, personally I don't mind at all how you treat Master. I'm not affected by any factors at any level of the cosmos. But there's one problem, which is, if you don't respect Master, it's wrong according to the principles of the cosmos, and the old forces will take advantage of the gap and destroy you because of this. They'll have seized the biggest excuse to destroy you, since they've seen the entire process of my saving you." (Fa-Lecture during the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference)
Every time I read this paragraph I always thought that Master was not talking about me because I did not think I had the heart of not respecting Master. However, I read an article recently on the Clearwisdom website which shocked me. This time I sincerely looked inward and found that there were indeed many ways in which I was not treating Master with the proper respect, I just hadn't acknowledged it. For instance, under pressure from the evil CCP, I wrote the three statements and let down Master and Dafa.
In this article I will discuss the ways in which I have disrespected Master, and how I intend to make up for the losses.
I feel that the biggest disrespect was when I wrote the three statements, because I had such a serious lack of righteous thoughts during the brainwashing and torture. It is a big stain on my cultivation that I am still trying to make up for. But other ways that I have been disrespectful are also very serious.
When I studied the Fa I was almost always absent-minded and could not calm down. In Zhuan Falun, Master's law bodies are behind every word, and Master has infused his powerful gong into the Fa. When I think about this, I am ashamed by my lack of seriousness and earnestness in reading the Fa.
When I practiced the exercises, lots of messy thoughts would occupy my mind. When I recall those times, I also feel so sorry. How lucky we are to have Master give us verbal instructions through the tape, and yet I took it for granted and showed a lack of respect.
In many ways, I have not followed Master's requirements at all, and instead, have done what I wanted to do. I was following the notions that I had acquired as an ordinary person and my attachments.
When I performed acts that I thought was paying respect to Master, I did not do so with a pure heart of respect, but out of conforming to what other practitioners were doing. Under the influence of my strong attachments, I did some very disrespectful things.
Before July 20, 1999, I hand-copied Zhuan Falun, and then, I totally forgot about it. Several years later I accidentally found this hand-written manuscript. To my regret, I had not regarded these writings as sacred and had carelessly misplaced them.
Occasionally, I made promises to Master in my heart but did not really take them seriously, and I failed to follow through on them. Aren't I cheating myself as a Dafa disciple and thus Master?
If I had not really looked inward, I probably would never have realized the extent of my shortcomings. I was shocked and scared by my discoveries. I feel so much regret and shame for treating Teacher so poorly. He has suffered so much for us, and practitioners like me have caused him extra suffering due to our lack of clear-mindedness. The burden he has carried for us and the depth of his suffering is beyond our imagination. Meanwhile, when we are disrespectful to Master, the old forces are watching our every thought and action very carefully so that they can fully use every opportunity to further persecute us, and their ultimate aim is to destroy us because they have deemed us as "not good enough." It is exactly like the practitioner said in the Clearwisdom article: "Some practitioners fall down and still do not know why. We might think that none of us would do disrespectful things to Master or Dafa. However, to truly respect Master and Dafa is not just a matter of a simple verbal statement or a feeling."
As a cultivator, respecting Master is a very serious matter. All gods are watching our every move. Only with a heart of respect toward Teacher and Dafa can we be steadfast in cultivation. Only with this heart, can we really do the three things well and fulfill Master's expectations for us.