(Clearwisdom.net) When I wrote this title, I wanted to cry and felt very ashamed. On June 26, 2005, in "Teaching the Fa in the City of Chicago" Teacher said:
"I told you a long time ago that a Dafa disciple, or a cultivator, has no enemies. The only thing you have a role in is saving people, and you have nothing to do with using human means and human principles to punish or pronounce judgment on people."
But facing all sentient beings' earnest hopes and Teacher's tireless cautions, have I done everything that I should?
In 2001, I was released from a forced labor camp after serving two years. My mother came to pick me up from a great distance. On the way home, I told the facts about Falun Gong to a tricycle driver. When we were in Beijing, a friend of my younger sister told her about my return, and she was very worried, angry, and of course also fearful. She was afraid that our family would again encounter persecution and harm.
My mother had already been retired for a long time, and my dad passed away in 1999. I lived alone and worked in a place far removed from my family. My sister was still studying. From the beginning of the persecution until I came out of the labor camp, my mother and younger sister lived in hardship in the city. Mother is a practitioner, but my sister is not. When graduates looked for jobs at that time, the employing companies all asked whether the applicants had family members who practiced Falun Gong. My sister worked very hard and easily found a good job, but she buried the fact that her family members are practitioners deep in her heart. This brought so much pressure to her that she suffered from hypochondria for a time and was within an inch of collapsing. As soon as she heard the words "Falun Gong," she became very nervous and relentlessly urged mother to give up the practice.
After a period of time, I was faced with a choice. Either go for postgraduate studies or go to work. I chose work. Because when I returned from the labor camp I had nothing, and worried that I might not be able to find a good job, I attended a few interviews in the beginning, but was not successful. Later I enlightened to the fact that I had to do whatever I ought to do in an open and honorable way, as Teacher has arrangements for Dafa practitioners. Unexpectedly, someone called me to work for them. I had very strong righteous thoughts in my heart. Nothing is accidental, and I could certainly get this job.
Before I returned home, my sister and mother bought an apartment. They made the down payment by using their savings and borrowed money, with a 20-year loan from the bank. In the beginning, I only earned a small wage, but I felt I should cherish the job, so I was incapable of contributing more to the family, and the conflict between my sister and me intensified. My sister was not willing to bear the mortgage payments alone, saying that I should also contribute to the family. She said she wanted me to feel some of the pressure so I would work harder. Through hard work, my income increased, but I still had many problems to deal with and could not contribute much. My sister again asked me to pay a part of the debt.
More than once, I said in my mind that this property belongs to you, not me, and thought about moving out. I also thought that if I were an everyday person, I probably could not bear the hardship. But I am a Falun Dafa practitioner after all. In the later lectures, Teacher talked about practitioners who had debts or had relied on help from others for a long time without any sense of guilt. These situations were not up to the standard of Dafa practitioners. Then I realized that the paths for practitioners are very narrow, and we must walk them righteously. This was not the end, and my sister ceaselessly complained that I was not like an elder brother. First of all I did not make much money and was unable to support the family, and moreover I did not have my own career. She even said if I could not achieve what she expected (having a career with a stable and generous income in the ordinary world), then she would not believe what I said. This was despite the fact that she witnessed mother becoming healthy through practicing Falun Gong, knew Dafa to be good and also heard many facts about Dafa.
I told her, everyone has his or her own choice, do not impose your will on me. Later I understood that when I previously clarified the truth to my sister, I was doing it with a mentality of imposing my will on her. I also complained to mother. In Teacher's later lectures, he mentioned a practitioner's wrong understanding about the evil's framing Teacher in the early days of the persecution. I then realized that every practitioner truly has their own way to validate the Fa. There is no comparison, no example, and only by studying the Fa well can we walk righteously on the path of cultivation.
In my previous truth-clarification, the effect was often not that good. When people did not accept the truth, I always had the thought, "You will regret it, I come to save you but you do not listen." Then the tsunami in south Asia happened. More than three hundred thousand people were gone in a flash. Whatever kind of enmity they had before death was meaningless in that moment. Chances will be missed out on because practitioners do not cherish their time.
After I came out of the prison, I had reached adulthood. The pressure of getting married was something I had to deal with. I thought this was also an opportunity to clarify the truth. However, when I tried to do so, I had many human feelings mixed in. I even became muddleheaded due to getting overly emotional, and had some impulses like an everyday person. The result of truth clarification was only someone saying to me, "you are a good person," and I missed the opportunities to speak the truth in depth. There was much sharing about the issue of marriage amongst fellow practitioners. Getting married is actually sometimes a hurdle on the path of our cultivation that we must face with righteous thoughts.
Because I was worried for my younger sister, I only did Fa-rectification work quietly. Even though I was able to get on the Internet later, I only did limited work. Every time I saw the stories of diligent fellow practitioners on the Internet, I always felt ashamed. I often asked myself, "Have I really cherished every living being that has passed by?" One time I interviewed applicants for a job. Because I was very kind, one applicant chose our company, but I still had not been able to tell her the facts. The changes in human affairs around me also provided opportunities to contact more people, but I only spoke the truth to a few. Another time, on my way home, I saw a person kneeling in the roadside begging, with many people surrounding him. I had a look. He was a university student whose mother was seriously ill, and his family was very poor. He was on winter vacation and had to use this deplorable method to provide for his mother. I was hesitating whether I should clarify the truth to him, but I felt I should go home to get some material first.
When I returned, I could not find anyone. I felt very regretful. Perhaps many predestined relationships were needed for the opportunity for this person today. But it was lost because of an error in my thought. I could not save a person who should be saved. I begged Teacher in my mind, "Please help me and give me another chance." After a time, I again found him. I pulled him out of the crowd, and told him I wanted to help and have a chat with him. In the relaxed atmosphere of a restaurant, he told of his home, which was in a minority village in a remote mountainous area of Guizhou, where there was only about twenty families. He was the first university student from there. He lived in hardship, and even had difficulty getting drinking water. His understanding of Falun Gong all came from the deceit and slander by the media, and he had never met any Falun Gong practitioners before. I talked to him for a long while, and saw his eyes glittering with hope. He accepted the materials from me and wanted to rush home as soon as possible. I also gave him 50 yuan for traveling expenses, and hoped in my mind that he would bring the wonderfulness of Dafa to his village.
In 2001, I wrote some articles and submitted them to the Minghui/Clearwisdom and Zhengjian/PureInsight websites. I am deeply aware of this opportunity granted by Dafa for validating the Fa. After being freed from prison, time after time I wanted to write down my experiences. On one side, I felt I did not do well. On the other side, I always felt that I had not broken through myself very well, so I delayed it until today. Recently, I read a fellow practitioner's article that mentioned a vision while practicing the exercises. The sentient beings in his world begged him to persist for a bit longer. I deeply realized how many sentient beings would be affected when we walked our paths righteously and took every step well. When I decided to write about my experiences, my mind was thrilled with this thought more than once. The idea of me persisting let me see countless sentient beings' earnest aspirations. Teacher has endowed Dafa practitioners with the greatest mission of the universe. Only we are truly bringing salvation to sentient beings and saving their lives.
Without Dafa, sentient beings would be lost. Because it is difficult, they need salvation from Dafa and Dafa disciples! We should cultivate ourselves well, do the three things well, and cherish every being that passes by.
I hope my fellow practitioners will be encouraged by this article. If there are any mistakes, please point them out.