(Clearwisdom.net) Teacher said in the commentary on a practitioner's article, "The Only Thing Falun Dafa Disciples Have a Role in Is Saving People":
"The fact is, those who can't step forward, regardless of the excuse, are concealing fear. Yet for cultivators, fear or lack thereof proves [one's] humanity or divinity, and it is what differentiates cultivators from ordinary people. It is something that a cultivator must face, and the biggest human attachment that a cultivator must remove."
("Study the Fa Well, and Getting Rid of Attachments is Not Hard", quoted from http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2005/7/22/63124.html)
When I first I read Teacher's article, I thought that Teacher was only talking to those who hadn't yet stepped forward. I had stepped forward, so I at first did not think it applied to me. However, after I read the article several times, I recalled two times which I had fear while clarifying the truth to people. Teacher's article made me realize that even the practitioners who have stepped forward need to dig out the attachment of fear at its root and eliminate it.
The first time I felt fear while clarifying the truth was during Chinese Labor Day in May. I went to my hometown with some copies of The Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, other Dafa truth-clarifying materials and CDs. I gave some of them to my relatives who wanted to withdraw from communist party and its other organizations. We had long conversations about these issues face-to-face. During the holiday, a party to celebrate my father's 90th birthday was held at a restaurant. Using the opportunity, I gave some Dafa truth-clarifying materials and CDs to some guests too. After going back to my dad's house, some of my relatives told me my actions at the restaurant were very dangerous. They also told me that the local police had illegally arrested over 40 practitioners. A new police chief was in town, and he escalated the evil persecution. My family's worries made me think that the local police were very wicked.
After the vacation, I took a long-distance bus back to Beijing. When the bus stopped at a station to pick up other travelers, a police car stopped in front of the bus, blocking it. Right then, a thought appeared in my mind: "Did the local police find out that I clarified the truth to people and come to check if I was in the long-distance bus? If they found that I was, then they would follow me to Beijing to continually spy on me..."
After arriving in Beijing, I couldn't help to think about what happened on the bus, so I was too scared to go out and clarify the truth. One night, Teacher gave me a hint in a dream, which was vivid and clear: Fellow practitioners and I were quickly running towards a momentarily stopped bus, which would take us home. All of them got on the bus except me, because something pulled my left arm back and didn't allow me to get to the bus in time. I woke up and immediately understood that it was my fear that pulled me back and stopped me from stepping forward. I knew if I had fear of stepping forward to clarify the truth, certainly I could not achieve consummation and go back to my original place. So, I started handing out Dafa truth-clarifying materials to people again.
One day, after mailing some Dafa materials at a post office, I was riding my bicycle on the sidewalk. Suddenly a police vehicle passed by and stopped about 20 meters ahead. While I passed by the police vehicle, I was thinking that the police must want to take a look at me to see whether or not I was the one who had been found on a bus at the long distance bus station during Chinese Labor Holiday in May. As I continued to ride my bike, another police vehicle stopped in front of me. When I passed by the vehicle, I was wondering if they didn't see me clearly and wanted to take another look.
Afterwards, I decided that I couldn't go out to clarify the truth any more. For several days, some bad thoughts sporadically appeared in my mind. At that time, Teacher gave me another hint. In my dream, I was participating in a test and Teacher was the one in charge for the examination. My right hand held a pen and my left hand leafed through the answer pages one by one. I was trying to find the answer to write it on my examination sheet. In front, Teacher was waiting for me to hand in my examination sheet. By then, I woke up. Teacher had hinted to me over and over to make me understand. This was Teacher's infinite mercy, and I felt very ashamed. I truly should think rationally! Initially, I wrote my real name on many envelopes and mailed them with Dafa CDs and materials. At that time, I wasn't afraid. Now, while I was safe, instead, I am afraid? I had followed Teacher to practice cultivation for over ten years and studied Teacher's Fa innumerable times. Why was it that when came into the evil environment, my attachment of fear came out again? So I studied the Fa hard and at the same time, looked inside myself for the answers.
The evil culture of the Communist Party has been instilled into Chinese people's minds for several decades. I, too, was poisoned deeply and deceived into joining the Chinese Communist Party. Although I had read the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party several times, I still couldn't remove the poison from my body. The evil cultural influence was so large, it was like a mountain. As soon as I ran into an evil situation, it emerged immediately. Teacher said:
"Especially now, when other evil things have been eliminated to the point that few remain, what stands out is the work of the evil factors of the malevolent Party."
("Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. International Fa Conference")
One of the evil factors used by the malevolent party was "fear". For example: In the past, Chinese people feared that they would be labeled as being "against the party". Today, the evil party persecutes Dafa practitioners and illegally arrests them. Its purpose is to threaten practitioners so that they would be afraid of stepping forward to validate Dafa.
I realized that clarifying the truth in my hometown during the holidays was the correct action, but problems arose because I didn't study Teacher's Fa and I only sent forth righteous thoughts once a day. The evil factors, which I hadn't frequently eliminated, took advantage of the fear hidden deep inside me. It made me encounter police vehicles several times and also transformed fearful thoughts in my mind to threaten me.
After studying Teacher's Fa and looking inside myself, I found the answer. Teacher wrote:
"As a cultivator, you bear the Fa in your mind"
(Provisional translation of "What to Fear" from Hong Yin (2))
As cultivators, we should bear the Fa in mind at any time and everywhere. The Fa can make one's righteous thoughts stronger, and, as Teacher wrote,
"As soon as your thoughts are righteous, the evil will collapse".
(Provisional translation of "What to Fear" from Hong Yin (2))
While clarifying the truth to people for several years, I have had various human attachments. Nonetheless, most of those attachments couldn't prevent me from validating the Fa. However, as soon as the attachment of fear appeared, I couldn't step forward to clarify the truth. In my experience, fear is the strongest human attachment. As a practitioner, the first human attachment that needs to be removed is fear.
In my dream, Teacher was waiting for me to quickly find the answer, which I did. The answer was in Teacher's Hong Yin (2):
"What Is There to Be Afraid of"
"If you have fear, it will seize you;
As soon as your thoughts are righteous, the evil will collapse;
As a cultivator, bear the Fa in mind;
Send forth righteous thoughts, the rotten demons are blasted away;
The gods are in the human world, to validate the Fa."
(Provisional translation of " What Is There to Be Afraid of" from Hong Yin (2))