(Clearwisdom.net) The experience sharing articles on Clearwisdom Weekly really made me feel good, and enlightened me a lot. I wanted to pick up a pen to write a few times, but felt what I had done was all average, and not as good as other practitioners. Recently I had a bit of enlightenment that I would like to share with everyone.

I began to practice Falun Gong in 1998. My thought then was to keep fit and get rid of diseases. At a practice site, I listened to Teacher's lectures for ten days. Before I could understand what Teacher was talking about, Teacher had already given me a big surprise. One day soon after, a nest of gadflies stung me. They covered my entire head, face and both hands. I only had one thought: I am a Falun Gong practitioner. It does not matter. Because of this thought, I was fine. There were five or six other people there and they all told me to go to the hospital, but I said I was fine. They all thought it was mysterious. I did not understand what happened at that time, but I realized later. Teacher said in Zhuan Falun

"We have said that good or evil comes from a person's spontaneous thought, and the thought at that moment can bring about different consequences."

From that day, I was determined to steadfastly practice Dafa to the end.

However, on July 20, 1999, the CCP started its vicious persecution of Falun Gong. At that time I said to myself, "I can't lose Dafa." The pressure from my workplace and family was like the sky falling on me, but my faith in Teacher and Dafa did not stop for one day. The pressure from my husband was especially great. He used many methods, but I was never moved. He then knew that he could not change me, and he left me alone.

It was on July 20, 2000, that several practitioners and I went to Beijing. With protection from Teacher, we had a few scares but no real danger on the road. When we arrived at Tiananmen Square, we saw that it was full of policemen and police cars. I was a bit scared, and did not play the role of validating the Fa. I just walked around and went home.

After I returned home, my husband would not let me in. Others persuaded him, and he finally relented and let me in. However he set rules for me. I could only practice at home, and I could not contact other practitioners. I tacitly agreed.

After I returned, I always had a knot in my heart. Why did I have fear in Beijing and not validate the Fa. Through studying Teacher's lectures and looking inwards, I found I studied the Fa too little, and my righteous thoughts were not enough. Teacher said in the "Fa-Lecture at the Conference in Florida, U.S.A."

"Fa-study truly is extremely important for a Dafa disciple, for a cultivator. No matter how difficult your environment is, no matter how busy you get, you cannot forget to study the Fa. You must study the Fa, because it is the absolute, most fundamental guarantee of your improvement."

In addition, I held an attachment to being unable to reach consummation without going to Beijing. At that time, I thought that although I did not validate the Fa, I still dared to go there. Some people did not even dare to go, and so I thought I was better than others. When I recall that attachment, I feel truly laughable and pitiful. Thereupon I quietly determined, I must go to Beijing a second time and validate the Fa. I used all the time I could to study the Fa and practice the exercises. Teacher and Dafa gave me wisdom and righteous thoughts.

In early November 2000, fellow practitioner A and I went to a village that was 12 miles away to distribute truth-clarification materials. We both took several hundred copies. After finishing in one village, we walked towards the next village, and a car followed us. I said, "Why does this car drive so slowly. Let's go faster." When we went faster, it sped up, when we slowed down, it slowed down as well. We did not understand why it did not pass us. We entered another village, and it also followed. We realized that it was following us.

After entering the village, practitioner A made a turn, I thought I would not turn. I would draw the car away. Then they would only catch me. I kept walking. Because I was not familiar with the place, I did not know which way to go. I finally had to turn toward the roadside, and squatted there. I saw a person get out of the car, and look around to find me. I left two pieces of truth material there and walked away. I was only about 20 meters away from that person. The moon was very bright, not much different than daytime. When I met practitioner A, I said, "How come he could not see me, even though he was so close? Is he short sighted?" The practitioner answered, "Never mind; let's keep going." We continued to distribute in another three villages, passing out all the material.

Later we learned that person was a policeman from the local police station, doing night patrol. He said he had seen two people distributing material, one of whom was practitioner A, but he could not catch up. Only then did I enlighten to the fact that Teacher was protecting us, and burst into tears. Without Teacher's merciful protection, we would have been arrested. I really thanked Teacher from my heart. We only did a few small things that we should do, yet Teacher protected us so mercifully.

On the afternoon of November 13, 2000, a practitioner and I boarded a train to Beijing. Because we did not have truth-clarification materials, I wrote 300 flyers saying "Restore Teacher's Reputation," "Restore the Reputation of Falun Dafa," and spread them out in Tiananmen Square. The police from Beijing arrested me, sent me to a nearby police station, and then took me to a boarding house. I explained the truth to them and told them the physical and mental benefits. I talked about Teacher's compassion and grandness, and showed them the exercises. They said, "Good. You should just practice at home." I said, "We follow 'Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance.' Our Teacher and Dafa are unjustly slandered. We have a right to tell the government our true thinking. If your parents were framed, would you not say a just word for them? If I do not say a just word for our Teacher, can I still be called a Dafa practitioner." They did not say anything.

I was taken back to the local police station; my husband and my whole family visited me. They asked me to stop practicing, and tried to influence me with sentiment, especially my mother. She was over 70, and cried every day. My husband, a big man, also cried every day. The staff at the police station said, "Look, your husband treats you so well. Once you write a letter saying that you'll stop practicing, we will let you go back to work." I knew they tried to entice me with sentiment. I reflected on what Teacher said in Zhuan Falun:

"If this sentimentality is not relinquished, you will be unable to practice cultivation. If you are free from this sentimentality, nobody can affect you. An everyday person's mind will be unable to sway you. What takes over in its place is benevolence, which is something more noble."

Therefore I was not moved.

The manager and security section chief of my workplace both visited me. They told me to write the letter and tell the police who went to Beijing with me. Then they would let me return to work. The staff at the police station said, "If you do not write it, we'll send you to a detention center tomorrow." I said that I was not afraid. I had already decided before I went to Beijing that even if I suffered the "three losses" when I came back, I was most willing to do so. They asked what the "three losses" were. I replied, "Being thrown into a detention center, loss of job and loss of family." After I came back from Beijing the first time, my husband told me that if I did that again, he would divorce me, and never allow me back into our home. Therefore I had to mentally prepare myself. I could let go of anything. I read "Tempering One's Mind and Heart" to them. They said, "Let's go. She is too difficult." They called on all the family members and relatives from my hometown to persuade me. They wanted to "transform" me with sentiment, but failed.

Later, the police who were monitoring me used all means to try and persuade me but they had no effect. They became angry. Because the pressure from their superiors was so great, one of them said disrespectful things about Teacher and Dafa. At that time, I did not know about sending forth righteous thoughts, but I thought saying bad words about Teacher and Dafa would receive retribution. This thought had a good effect. He went home and had four lessons, with no danger to his life, he told me about them the next day. I stayed in the police station for 15 days and then returned home. With the protection of Teacher and the power of Dafa, I resumed my job and lost nothing.

After that, my husband would no longer allow me to practice the exercises or study the Fa. As soon as he saw me practicing or studying, he would kick me out of the house. My attachment of fear also came out. I thought since he did not let me practice at home, I would practice at work. My work environment was very good. Nobody opposed Falun Gong, and they protected me. So I practiced the exercises and studied the Fa secretly. Sometimes my husband found out, and he kicked me out. I was forced out of my home six times. My mother-in-law also came to my home and made a fuss. She said she would not acknowledge me as her daughter-in-law as long as I practiced Falun Gong.

In the beginning, I thought I should endure, so I always endured silently. Later I read Clearwisdom Weekly and understood that the evil was persecuting me. I thought, "If you kick me out again, I will resist." The last time he kicked me out, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil elements behind him. However, I still felt an invisible fear that hid deeply, and I could not find it. This fear interfered with me for three years. In those three years, I closely followed the Fa-rectification process by doing the three things well - studying the Fa, practicing the exercises and clarifying the truth, but I did it all secretly, not daring to let him know. Sometimes when I was practicing the exercises or studying the Fa, if I thought about my husband walking in, I would break out in a sweat. Sometimes I calmed down, and thought about what I was afraid of. I had no fear when I faced the police, no fear when I faced the cadre at my workplace, no fear when I faced beatings and being kicked by police officers at Tiananmen Square. I thought, "What am I afraid of?" The worst situation is my husband kicking me out or divorcing me. These could all be abandoned. My husband never beat me. Some practitioners whose family members beat them had bruises all over their bodies. What was the big deal about my situation? This fear lasted until the spring of 2004.

I read on Clearwisdom Weekly that fellow practitioners had very good results from memorizing the Fa. I also wanted to do the same, so I began to memorize the Fa. Whenever I tried, I could not remember and forgot straight away. Sometimes, the thought that I should stop trying came to mind, but then I thought that if others could memorize it, so could I. As long as I calmed down, the Fa would reveal its mighty power. I memorized it bit by bit. Sometimes a small paragraph took me several hours. I hated myself for being so stupid. I hit my head, but it still did not work. Once, I really could not remember, so I put down the book, held my palms together in front of my chest, and said to Teacher with tears, "Even if a disciple has a wooden brain, I must open it up, and make room for the Fa. I must memorize the Fa." The great and merciful Teacher saw my steadfast wish, and gave me wisdom. When I tried later on, it obviously went much better. Every day, I used every minute and second to memorize the Fa. Without noticing, I melted into the Fa.

It was around June or July. The weather was extremely hot, and I had no fan. I got up at 4 a.m. every day to practice the exercises. Then I memorized the Fa until 1 or 2 p.m. I felt very good during that period, I could remember the Fa and understand many Fa principles. The more Fa principles I understood, the more I wanted to memorize the Fa, and the more I memorized, the more Fa principles I understood. One day when I was memorizing the Fa, I completely entered into the world of the Fa. That feeling can't be described with words. During that period of time, I also achieved good effect in clarifying the truth; almost 99% of the people I talked to were able to accept what I said.

However that invisible fear sometimes still interfered with me. One day I was memorizing the Fa, and that invisible fear came again. I thought, "The evil is interfering with me and not letting me study the Fa." I firmly denied it. I put down the book, and sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the fear within myself and the interference caused by outside elements. In this way, I sent the energy inwards to my head. After several minutes, it squeezed from inside my head towards the outside. My right eye felt especially painful and swollen, as if the whole eyeball was coming out. It hurt to keep my eyes closed, so I opened them. It was still painful and swollen, after around two minutes, that thing came out of my right eye. Since then, I no longer had the invisible fear.

People I meet at work are very complex. There are local people, people from outside the area, and people from my company. I talk to whomever I meet. In the beginning I talked about the truth of Falun Gong, and later I talked about quitting the CCP and its affiliated organizations. They all accepted what I said. Some people said to me with a good heart, "You know it is good. You should just practice at home. Don't talk about it everywhere. Some people are only concerned with profit.
They may report you, and you will be arrested." (There is a reward of 500 to 1000 yuan for reporting a Dafa practitioner) I told them that it was for their benefit. People all had a clear side, so they did not report me. I had told them the natural justice of good and evil both receiving retribution.

One person from another city delivered goods to us. I told him the truth and gave him a small card telling the truth about Falun Gong, and he repeatedly thanked me. When he came to deliver goods the second time, he brought six people with him. Once he saw me, he said to others, "This is the person who told me Falun Gong is good. Let her tell you about it and give you a safe card. It is great." After I explained the truth to them, I gave them a few small cards as well. They were all very happy, thanked me again and again, and said they would like to listen again when they came next time. At that moment, I truly felt the incomparable, formidable power of Dafa.

One day in October 2004, I was at work when suddenly the branch secretary of my company came to me and said, "Someone reported me and claimed I "propagandized" Falun Gong every day. They will hold a "transformation" class in the city. Our company has a quota of two. You are one of them." He asked whether I was still practicing Falun Gong. I righteously said, "Yes. Why not practice since it is so good." He immediately ran to my living place where Zhuan Falun was on a table. He took it and ran outside. I firmly stopped him. He said, "Think hard about it and hand the book in to the company this afternoon. The cadres are waiting." I said I would not hand it in. This book is more important than my life. He replied, "If you do not hand it in, we have our ways; we'll deduct your bonus, or send you to a brainwashing center." I steadfastly said, "You can't decide. My Teacher decides everything. If you send me to a brainwashing center, I will go to Beijing to appeal and protest." He had no other way, so he said he would ask secretary XX to come that afternoon (his superior, who was especially in charge of persecuting Falun Gong). I said I would not hand it over regardless of who came.

He came again at 2 p.m. and said that secretary XX had told him to get the book no matter what method he used. Otherwise, he would come personally. I said nobody could take my book away. I began to tell him the truth. Whatever I said, he did not accept. At last it was the end of the workday. He said he did not complete his task today, so he would not come tomorrow but would let secretary XX come, and watch what method he used.

Under Teacher's protection and Dafa's power, nobody came to me again. The next day, when secretary XX saw me, he did not mention it. Because I always memorized the Fa and clarified the truth during that period of time, Dafa's mighty power kept me safe and well.

In recent times, I felt my status was not good. I could not concentrate when I sent forth righteous thoughts. People did not accept my truth clarification. I also had many tribulations with my family, and my Fa study always had interference. As soon as I tried to study the Fa, this thing or that thing would happen, and I could not pick up the book, I had no way to get rid of the interference, until one day I read a practitioner's sharing article on the Clearwisdom website. I understood everyone had fundamental attachments. So I calmed down to look inwards. I recollected my cultivation path during the past several years. I felt I was relatively righteous in validating the Fa, clarifying the truth and studying the Fa. Sometimes I did not sleep for a whole night because of Dafa matters, and basically followed the Fa-rectification process. Some matters that other practitioners have not thought about, I have already done. I thought I had no attachments, and always considered Dafa. Why was my status not good? I certainly have fundamental attachments.

But what are my fundamental attachments? I searched bitterly, but could not understand. While contemplating this matter, I burst into tears. I begged Teacher to give me a hint, but had no results. Once I saw a practitioner's sharing article. I suddenly found my fundamental attachments, which were selfishness and the attachment to self-interest. I did everything for myself. For example, not going to Beijing to validate the Fa, I feared I could not reach consummation; not going out to tell the truth, I feared my world would be empty, have no sentient beings; whenever there was Fa-rectification work to do, I thought if I did not go, I would miss a lesson on the path of validating Dafa arranged by Teacher, and not catch up with the Fa-rectification process, I feared I would fall behind. I feared this and feared that. In the final analysis, I was selfish, did not think about the salvation of sentient beings, and did not think about my historic mission.

Teacher said in "Teaching the Fa at the 2001 Canada Fa Conference":

"Every type of cultivation in history was purely for a person's own improvement and Consummation, but you are different. You know, in the future there will be a lot more people obtaining the Fa. In other words, two stages follow Dafa's introduction to the public. The first stage is the establishing of Dafa disciples amidst Fa-rectification. Cultivation for people after that has nothing to do with Fa-rectification, and is entirely a matter of just improving themselves for Consummation. So, as Dafa disciples, you have been bestowed with a great, historic mission. This is different, then, from strictly personal cultivation. You need to safeguard the Fa, you need to validate the Fa, and when the Fa is persecuted you expose the evil and do better embodying Dafa--this is what you should do."

On the surface, our path is for Dafa and sentient beings. In fact, it is for us. Such a pitiful and fearful selfishness is hidden so deep. I already walked into fearful situations, but still felt I was doing all right. It is our merciful Teacher who did not throw me down, but let me awaken again.

Before I wrote this article, I thought, many practitioners have written experience sharing articles. Writing the sharing is also cultivating. If I don't write, will I miss another lesson? Now I do not have that attachment. I just want to write down my attachments and get rid of them.

I firmly keep Teacher's words in mind in "Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Washington DC Fa Conference":

"So you should try your best to do well the things that a Dafa disciple should do, and every single thing is of utmost importance. I've asked you to do the three things well. You must do the three things well. You should do those things well all the way up to your Consummation. Your mighty-virtue and everything of your future come from those things." (Official translation)

From now on, I must closely follow Teacher's Fa-rectification process, do the three things well, save more sentient beings, and not disappoint our Teacher.

This is some of my understanding. Please correct me if there is anything inappropriate, in order to achieve the aim of improving together. I thank all fellow practitioners, and I thank Teacher for his merciful salvation.