(Clearwisdom.net)
When I first started clarifying the truth, my intention was to gather sentient beings for my paradise and to build up my mighty virtue. Soon I realized that this intention was selfish, and that, in turn, clarifying the truth in this way could result in zealotry, desperation, the heart of trying to convince others, fear, anger, and anxiety. I also felt as if I was begging people to listen to the truth, to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party, or to believe that Falun Dafa is good.
Upon realizing my mistake, I started to eliminate my selfishness and fear. I was enlightened to the thought that Dafa is taught to people because of Teacher's benevolence. People saying that it is good does not mean it is good, and people saying that it is bad does not mean it is bad. It is out of compassion that Dafa practitioners try to save sentient beings, not by begging people to accept it. Since I understood this, I did not feel like going out to clarify the truth to people as I did not need to beg people for anything; I would rather focus on my personal cultivation.
Later, Teacher said,
"The state of things since July 20, 1999, has been completely different from that of before July 20, 1999. That is why doing the three things well is cultivation, while doing only one of the three isn't." ("Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005")
I thought to myself: I still need to go out to clarify the truth, otherwise I cannot improve. With such an attitude, I felt satisfied with myself even if I only did a little truth clarification every day, thinking: "I have done it today, so I should be able to improve." I did not pay much attention to the results of my clarifying the truth or people's reactions. I had been doing things this way for a while, and then I realized that these kinds of thoughts were impure too.
Then I developed another unrighteous attitude: I would do the truth clarification work because it is my responsibility, but I did not want to lose anything in the process. Thus, with a heart of protecting myself, I went out to clarify the truth. I was worried about my cell phone being tapped, my voice being too loud and catching others' attention, or my husband getting mad if I came home late. When people did not want to listen to the truth, I would say in my mind: "I have already told you the facts, so it is now up to you to make a decision, so it is all your responsibility if anything bad happens to you." Clarifying the truth with such an attitude seems to be saving people, but it actually caused the opposite effect sometimes because my intention was not pure.
After a while, I had eliminated quite a few attachments and selfish thoughts, and only had the idea "I want to clarify the truth" in my mind, because this is what Teacher and the Fa require. I thought I was pure enough until once when I was clarifying the truth to someone, and he said to me: "I know you are a good person, but I don't believe in what you have said." I asked myself: "What is this telling me?" I realized that I was validating myself instead of the Fa. What I had been doing was not out of the pure and sincere compassion of saving sentient beings, but was out of the heart of validating self.
Along those lines, I went to my relatives and friends to clarify the truth, thinking that they had great predestined relationships with me and I would feel sorry if I did not save them. Moreover, they would not report me to the police even if they did not want to hear the truth. Thus, I fell into the ordinary people's concepts and sentiments about family and friends, and did not treat every sentient being equally and think from their perspectives.
Recently, I realized yet another area for improvement of my thoughts. One morning while taking my daughter to her daycare, she suddenly said to me, "Mom, you are a doctor too." I was enlightened all of a sudden: for those "patients" who have been poisoned by the Chinese Communist Party, I shall be a responsible "doctor." A doctor should have the eagerness to save people, the wisdom to identify the right medicine for a particular patient, the willingness to fulfill the responsibility of helping those in need, and no other wishes than for the well-being of sentient beings.
The above is to show Teacher's benevolence and the Fa's greatness. It is Teacher's tolerance and patience that have led me this far. The Fa's mighty power has been assimilating me and keeping me on track. All is done by Teacher, and everything is the mighty virtue of Dafa. I will continue doing the three things well and keep cleansing myself in the Fa.
Please point out anything that is not in line with the Fa.