(Clearwisdom.net) On September 8, after 10:00 p.m. at night, my wife and I went to visit a patient in a hospital. Just as we stepped out of the hospital, we ran into another practitioner who had also come to send righteous thoughts. As soon as we met, my wife and the other practitioner started chatting. At that time, the sky was very cloudy. After a little while, a gale whipped up, blowing sand and fallen leaves into the air and hitting people in the face. A storm was approaching. I stated the obvious, "Rain is coming!"
But it seemed as if they didn't hear me, and they continued their conversation. I thought to myself, "If we leave now, it will not be too late. If we leave any later, we will get soaked by the rain. If you don't want to go, I am going. You may not be concerned about getting soaked, but I am." I started the motorbike and rode for a few meters, but they still kept talking. I finally called out to my wife, "Hurry up!" I fetched her and rode home without turning back to look at her.
On the way home, I was still "looking outwards." I thought to myself: "If the rain had started you could have gone into the hospital, but I would have been drenched. Didn't Teacher teach you to think about others first and cultivate yourself into a selfless, righteous enlightened being? How did you cultivate? You only cared about talking and never thought of anyone else. What kind of cultivator are you?" The more I thought, the angrier I became and the more I thought I was right.
After we got home, we began our Fa study. Merciful Master once again reminded me. As I picked up the new article, I saw Master's words:
"When a person charges forward and is contentious, the more he wants to resolve it, the less he is able to. In that scenario you still haven't in fact let go of that attachment and you are pushing your way to the front, and you insist on figuring out who's right and who's wrong; even though you've made mistakes, you insist on figuring out others' mistakes. When that's the approach, you won't be able to resolve the problem....Cultivation is about cultivating one's self. No matter what kind of state emerges, you need to take a hard look at yourself." ("Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital")
After studying the Fa and looking inward, I thought, "Isn't Master talking about me?" I was like a beam of light pointing only at others but not myself, and only looking for others' faults, but not my own. Whenever something happens I always looked outward instead of looking inward. Fundamentally, I was protecting myself and was being selfish. I was worried of being caught in the rain, in case I myself was made to suffer.
Master said,
"To consummate yourself,
reaping Buddhahood,
Let joy be found in hardship."
("Tempering the Will" from Hong Yin, English translation version A)
But look at me, I am scared of suffering, I am seeking comfort. During the sharing among local practitioners, I was quite good at pointing out others' issues, but when it came to myself, my instant thought was how to avoid suffering. All I thought of was protecting myself. I often talk about denying the old forces arrangement and walking the righteous path arranged by Master. But when a problem occurs, I tend to conform to the principles of the old cosmos, which is to think of oneself, thus I end up walking along the path arranged by the old forces. I forgot Master's teaching, and I forgot that I am a cultivator. I feel ashamed to face Master, and I feel ashamed of my inability to act like a true Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple.
After studying the Fa, I realized that if we can't cultivate ourselves well, if we fall, there will be many sentient beings who will be destroyed. The sentient beings in our paradises are waiting for our return. So many sentient beings in this world are waiting to be saved. It is our responsibility to cultivate well and save sentient beings. We thus need to rectify every single thought of ours according to the Fa. What Master said is what we will do. We must walk our cultivation paths arranged by Master righteously and return to Master at Consummation. That is why a small matter is not necessarily something small.