(Clearwisdom.net) (continued)

Part 1: http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2006/12/22/81065.html

I shared cultivation experiences with other fellow practitioners. Many of their family members resigned from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). Yet my daughter still misunderstood me. My daughter once said, "There are many Dafa practitioners living safe lives. However, you are always being illegally arrested, if not today - then tomorrow."

I knew that my daughter was very hurt by the persecution I have endured. She is hindered by my attachments, as well. Once I learned about Dafa, I knew how precious it was. I was very anxious that all of my family take up cultivation practice, immediately. I saw the family members of fellow practitioners doing Dafa work quietly, and became very worried about my family members. I wished they would quit the CCP and speak out against the persecution. I came home occasionally and could not stop myself from clarifying the truth to all of them. These thoughts of pushing them to learn Dafa became a large attachment. Two years ago, I desperately wanted to buy a small computer. I planned to play Dafa articles and music on the computer, so they could see how magnificent Dafa is. A good thought, but the more I considered it, the more clearly I saw the selfish attachment. I risked my life to get and play the video for my daughter, but she never looked at it.

I was very frustrated and despaired of saving my daughter. One of Teacher's lectures made me realize that the more emphasis I put on my family members, the more powerfully the old forces would block me. I understood Teacher speaking about all the people in the world today having been his family members. Teacher is concerned about all people, but I was selfishly concerned only with my daughter and sister. My selfishness keeps them from taking up cultivation practice. Evil came to my daughter's and sister's homes to harass and threaten them this year. Oh Teacher, it is my attachments that gave the old forces an excuse to block them.

My life was given by Teacher and I devote myself to the saving of sentiment beings. I will dig out the roots of the old universe that are based on selfishness. I will eliminate all the impure elements from millions of years of reincarnation and descending through the cosmos level by level. Truly, I will treat others as I do my daughter. I will make the best use of my time to do what a Dafa practitioner should do.

I found my deeply hidden selfishness and eliminated my sentimentality toward my daughter and relatives. I devoted myself to saving sentient beings, and then the situation changed. Some fellow practitioners tried to find my daughter and clarify the truth to her. My uncle told my daughter and son-in-law about withdrawing from the Chinese Communist Party and its associated organizations. People told my daughter that her mother is a good woman. My daughter told me people have great respect for me. She was surprised that so many held me in high regard given the situation. My younger brother, sister-in-law, niece, older sister, brother-in-law and other relatives have resigned from the CCP now that I have removed my attachments.

Teacher, everything is under your control. When we remove our deeply hidden selfishness, make the best use of our time to save sentient beings and do what Dafa practitioners should do, then nothing can stop us. Every obstacle will be resolved by Teacher.

I saw the determined heart of a Dafa disciple when I was doing Fa work with Zengzeng. He did not let the bitter cold of winter, the heat of summer, the distance, the difficulties or lack of food stop him from sending data and materials to fellow practitioners when they needed them. Sometimes he was too busy to read the Fa, so he would listen to an MP3 player hung around his neck to make good use of time. After we finished the basic part of our work, Zengzeng mentioned that we should work separately. I could not bear his suggestion. I had a serious attachment to fear at that time. Many local people knew me and I was afraid they would blame me for any trouble at my rental house afterwards.

My whole family lived in such a depressed atmosphere, because my father was persecuted by the CCP during my childhood. I married a poor farmer with a bad temper when I grew up. He would yell at me all day long, making me very timid and afraid of doing anything wrong. I did everything as perfectly as I could, to avoid being criticized. I was afraid of hurting others during everyday life. My classmates, colleagues and fellow practitioners admired me for being very kind and tender-hearted.

Yet in cultivation, you need to confront what you fear. If you are afraid of mistakes, then you will not do well. If you are afraid of contradictions, then contradictions will occur. My serious attachment to reputation arose during conflicts, especially when someone spoke in a solemn manner or angered me. I could not stand it and wanted an excuse for myself. I always put stress on myself instead of looking within myself, thereby letting the evil take advantage of the loopholes.

I clearly realized the real meaning of benevolence by continuously studying Fa and sharing experiences with fellow practitioners. Real benevolence is when someone is angry with us and we can think of him first, by taking a step back. This is real benevolence. Interference by the old forces is intended to confuse us and sew discord. I realized that I was not doing well during my conflicts with Zengzeng. Although I passed through cruel and evil persecutions without leaving stains, I left stains on my cultivation path through conflicts with fellow practitioners and by not looking within myself first.

I saw my deficiencies through encounters with these practitioners. At key junctures they thought first of their fellow practitioners and did not fear. I saw a police car parked near the entrance to my home when I went out one day. A fellow practitioner told me not to be afraid, that he fears nothing, and asked what I was scared of? You just do what you should do, in a dignified and upright manner. One day I took care of my errands outdoors and came back with a sun hat on my head. A policeman looked at me when I entered the yard. I casually pushed my bike to my door. I entered my home and told fellow practitioner Li Min that there was a policeman in the yard today. He told me that there was a policeman living upstairs, it means the evil is afraid of us. I didn't grumble when I saw the policeman or his car after that. I just did what a Dafa disciple should in a grand and upright manner.

I saw fellow practitioners arrange their jobs methodically. They were busy, but not disordered. They did not hide any deficiencies in their work. Being busy caused me confusion.. Teacher said,

"...be full of great aspirations while minding minor details..."("Sage" from Essentials for Further Advancement)

If we do not do well with the minor details, we will cause losses. I found my omissions of showing off and reputation, fear of criticism and my lack of a steadfast mind through contact with fellow practitioners. I tried my best to eliminate all of these omissions.

Teacher told us in the "To the Chicago Fa Conference,"

"Whatever you experience during your cultivation--whether good or bad--is good, for it comes about only because you are cultivating. A cultivator cannot achieve Consummation when laden with human thoughts, laden with karmic debts, or laden with attachments."

I grasped that no matter who the contact is with, where you are, no matter how disordered everything looks, everything is arranged by Teacher and everything is under His control.

Our cultivation is the process of eliminating our attachments and improving ourselves. Teacher arranged it for us. Everything looks difficult at the time, but if we strengthen our wills, Master will turn everything into the best.

Many Dafa practitioners were arrested in my city during May 2006. We had to choose whether to send the materials to other places, maintain them here or transfer the materials at the house. The first thought to come to my mind was that we could not let the fellow practitioners' materials get damaged, and they are waiting for them.

In another place, I met a female practitioner with a similar problem. When she learned I was on the evil's list in my area, she wanted me to come to her place. She thought that we should save sentient beings everywhere, and that we should go if it is safe. I met other practitioners who wanted to meet practitioners in my area. They want all the parts to link together as a whole. I analyzed this suggestion. It was important to manage materials in other places. My sister and I collected the local persecution facts, as we were familiar with our area. I realized that if one does perfectly, that is only yourself improving. If the whole improves and cooperates together well, it will produce a greater effect. There were practitioners in the city who could be arrested. I could do Dafa work in safer places, but when the Fa rectification ended, I would bitterly regret so many sentient beings left unsaved.

I always recite Teacher's "Nothing Kept" from Hong Yin:

In life, nothing sought,
In death, regretting naught;
Washing away all wrong thought,
Buddhahood, with less adversity, is wrought.

I will devote all I have to facilitate what Teacher wants. I decided to return soon and co-operate with other practitioners voluntarily. I edited local materials based on my homeless situation and local conditions. I published a booklet almost every month. I had a lot to deal with when I returned. All of it urgent. I actively and diligently executed projects suggested by other practitioners first. I kept the things I could do by myself for last. I put my exercises and Fa study last, too. I eliminated my selfishness by putting others' ideas first and helping them accomplish those ideas. I then felt so comfortable and light. The content of the local materials became more rich, more well-rounded and more accurate. I could focus more easily when I studied the Fa.

I realized Teacher's teaching,

"With no attachment to anything
The path underfoot is naturally clear"

("No Obstacles" from Hong Yin Volume II)

Nothing can stop us once we put down our egotism and selfishness.

I know that I still have attachments and many omissions. For example, I hope there are no contradictions, but if there are, then I sometimes become angry. I know Dafa is very precious, but I didn't begin memorizing it until recently. Sleep sometimes interferes with my sending forth righteous thoughts. I will make the best use of my time to cooperate with every practitioner and facilitate what Master wants, positively and actively.