(Clearwisdom.net) "I never liked to write." To begin with, I'm pointing out this attachment for the purpose of eliminating it. Previously I felt that my cultivation level was not high enough. I merely wanted to listen to other practitioners' experiences, but this also happened because I was lazy. Whether or not an experience-sharing article is good depends on whether one is putting one's heart into writing it. An article is also a reflection of one's cultivation.
When drafting an article, one needs to ponder several questions and deal with them, and study the Fa further. This process would make understanding the Fa's principles clearer and answering questions more effective, as well as give a more in-depth look at the topic. The process of writing an article is also a process of studying the Fa and improving oneself. But laziness leads into the state of being complacent and not wanting to think deeply. This is a sure way to slip back. Sharing my experiences is a good opportunity for me to correct my mistakes and start with small things to change my points of view. I should treasure this opportunity.
I started cultivating in 1996 and have walked slowly and in a leisurely manner on the cultivation path these past few years. I felt ashamed. When I read Master's lectures, I strongly felt that every step for Dafa practitioners requires a huge effort and endurance on Master's part.
When studying Master's lectures I gradually saw my problems, and it made me think of something that happened recently. Another practitioner told me that while she was promoting the Fa to her family, a family member had doubts about whether Dafa practitioners could reach Consummation. He didn't believe that we could reach Consummation this way.
As practitioners know, nothing happens by chance. Was there a reason that I heard about this? From my reading of Master's lectures, I am sure there was a reason and the problem was also clearer in my mind. From my own perspective, during the last several years of Fa-rectification and cultivation, I tried to do the three things well but still felt I could have done better.
For example, I adhered to sending forth righteous thoughts seven times daily, but the quality of these thoughts is not necessarily guaranteed each time, particularly early in the morning at 5:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. When the alarm starts to ring I sit right up because I know I can't hesitate. I would fall right back to sleep if I relaxed myself. I had a lesson before when I was being lax and fell right back to sleep. When I am sitting up, I am totally awake but still keep yawning. Sometimes I think, "I am way too sleepy." Other times I worry and show some human notions, "Would I be able to handle this?" "This is so hard" and other such thoughts. I know of course that these thoughts are not in line with the Fa principles. I chastised myself really severely for having these thoughts. But this didn't solve the real issues. In addition, I would occasionally feel uncomfortable somewhere. Although I understand all these abnormal states was all interference from the old forces I didn't look for problems from my xinxing. Instead, I was anxious that I didn't have the good cultivation state that many practitioners have.
When reading Master's lectures I truly felt that what looks like small problems are actually huge attachments. In other dimensions they are genuine, huge substances. They will create gaps without even being noticed. They will interfere with the three things I'm doing, which affects my cultivation state. Because the old forces are always trying to find opportunities to drag us down, making us ill is what the old forces want to do and make it into so-called tests.
"In Buddhism, it is said that every phenomenon in human society is illusory and unreal." (Zhuan Falun from 2000 translation version)
The old forces are waiting for you to condone all unreal things. If you feel you are sleepy, then they will make you keep yawning. If you feel you are in pain, then they will make you suffer, because this is what you wanted and accepted. The old forces control you completely this way. This state is not a reflection of what a real Dafa practitioner's mode of conduct is supposed to be. Being this way prevents common people from realizing the wonders of Dafa. The other people might actually think you are not even doing any better than them.
"If you don't cultivate yourselves well you won't have mighty virtue, what you say will not be in line with the Fa, and then you can't possibly save sentient beings. When what you say has no mighty virtue and no power, it will have no effect, and the evil will capitalize on that. What's more, if you don't cultivate yourselves well and your righteous thoughts are lacking, when you handle certain things you will tend to slip into human ways of thinking, and then you won't be able to have the effect of saving sentient beings." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2005 Manhattan International Fa Conference")
It will be a huge sin if we don't cultivate ourselves well enough and make predestined people miss this most magnificent chance in ages.
I had previously felt that although I had not cultivated well enough, I didn't have attachments to time and other things. I did what I was supposed to do on a daily basis. It didn't seem that I was despondent. Through further Fa study, however, I realized that I still have some issues. Isn't this a reflection of being despondent? Being despondent could reflect as a big or small issue. The reflection could be different for different people, but the root is all the same. It is the attachment to self.
This attachment is not only stubborn, but also shows up sometimes or disappears at other times. When one's xinxing is not high enough, it's not easily noticeable. For example, when one feels tired, sleepy or in pain one does not think of Master's words,
"Going through hardship and suffering is an outstanding opportunity to remove karma, be cleansed of sin, purify the body, elevate your plane of thought, and rise in level-it's an extraordinarily good thing. This is a correct and upright Fa-truth." ("The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be")
But somehow one always hopes to be relaxed and take it easy. In fact, from deep down in one's heart, this is the attachment to time and having human notions. Just like what Master said,
"But as cultivation is lived out, when the suffering bears down on you and conflicts come up that hit upon the deepest part of you-and especially when it rattles the rigid notions you have-the test is really hard to pass. It can even be to the point that you know full well it's a test but still can't let go of your attachments." ("The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be")
This despondent state could make people think that the different attachments and notions the Communist regime has instilled in them are their own thoughts. But these notions aren't one's real thoughts. Although I don't want these notions, I'm always attached to some emotions. Sometimes I even stay in a despondent state for a long time. Isn't that wanting it and nurturing it? I think that this despondent state, whether big or small, severely interferes with practitioners' righteous thoughts about Dafa. Righteous thoughts come from righteous beliefs. Only when one has a righteous belief can one have righteous thoughts and righteous conduct. I understand further what Master said,
"What's more, Dafa disciples are cultivating in this 'real' world that brims with temptation, so it becomes even more difficult-and even more important-to change those notions." ("The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be")
If I don't change the fundamental notions, these bad substances would keep me busy with things that are seemingly for validating Fa. But I would actually not be diligent in cultivation. Changing one's notions, however, does not merely consist of empty words. Human thoughts are complicated. When facing an issue, different thoughts come up. Out of all the thoughts, the first one is often the most decisive. I can say that this first thought shows my level. This first thought is very important because it could often determine the direction of the rest of the thoughts. But this first thought is sometimes right, sometimes wrong. It is exactly our notions that take effect. For example, sometimes when you feel tired or sleepy it might not mean that you are truly tired or sleepy. This state could come from the formed notions "I didn't get enough sleep. I'm too sleepy." The amount of sleeping time one needs actually differs from person to person. Regarding "tiredness, sleepiness and pain," divine beings and humans have different states. If one doesn't let go of human notions, how could one transcend human-ness?
The human world is a maze. One example of that is a story told in Zhuan Falun: a man's eyes were covered. He was told he would bleed. Someone merely scratched his arm and then a water faucet was turned on. Listening to the water dripping, the man assumed he was bleeding to death and actually died. When I first started studying the Fa, I didn't comprehend this teaching deeply enough. I remember that I thought that person was too silly. How could he be scared to death? He didn't die from running out of blood, but he died from scaring himself because of his own human notion. Master told us that we must pay attention to our xinxing improvement so that we can change our human mindsets. But if one doesn't use one's mind to study the Fa and dissolve oneself into the Fa, does it make any difference if we read the Fa or not? The old forces simply use "tiredness" and "sleepiness" to make one become deeply lost.
After reading Master's new lectures, I deeply felt the urgency of Fa-rectification, and I also felt Master's expectations for practitioners to improve and advance rapidly in cultivation. Recognizing one's personal issues is only the first step in advancement. If one wants to keep up with the rapid progress of the Fa-rectification, one has to study the Fa diligently and do the three things, beginning with small things, so one can walk the path righteously and follow Master to go home.