(Clearwisdom.net)
Practitioners in the Toronto area recently formed a Celestial Band. I wanted very much to participate, but was held back by my lack of musical background. However, I still went to see them practice. When I entered the practice hall, my attention was caught by the way many of the participants were struggling, as many of them had little or no musical background at all. I noticed that one person's lips were swollen from overwork on blowing. Then, there were others who did not even know how to position the instrument properly. What impressed me most was a female practitioner on the drum team. She was trying very hard to keep pace with the fast rhythm of the beats.
The rhythm of the drumbeats seemed to brighten me up and so I asked if I could join the drum team. To my disappointment, the team instructor said that all positions were filled. Suddenly, I felt as if I had lost something from my life. I regretted my hesitating in the first place, missing this opportunity. I didn't believe I had the ability until I saw them practice. Now I have missed an opportunity and that made me somewhat miserable.
This regret has led me to find out my cultivation gap, which has existed for quite a long time -- I have relied too much on what my eyes see, and hence have been impeded by my own human notions.
Some time ago, I met a middle-aged lady back in China. She was a witty woman, but strongly influenced by the Communist Party culture. One day, I brought up the subject of Falun Gong in our conversation. But, she quickly kept quiet and eyed me with suspicion. My immediate reaction was that this woman was beyond salvation. So, without a second thought, I changed the topic. After listening to me in an experience sharing, a fellow practitioner said she would go and talk to this woman again. When she returned, she told me that the lady whom I had thought hopeless had withdrawn her CCP membership. Curious about how my fellow practitioner did it, I asked what she had said to the woman. In fact, there was not much difference from what I had done. But why did we have different results?
"We need to look deeper into ourselves," the practitioner told me. "When I spoke to the woman, my sole intention was to help her. After she submitted her resignation, we hugged each other to celebrate. The side that understands the truth knows what is happening."
When I tried to clarify the truth to that woman, I was quite opinionated. Hence, my human side was restricting me. Come to think of it, after practicing cultivation for so many years, I still get trapped by my own notions. As teacher has said in Lunyu -
"...everyday people will forever crawl within the boundaries set by their own ignorance."
Trapped by my own notions, I must have missed many opportunities for saving many non-practitioners and my kinfolk! By the time the truth reveals itself, how will I face the regrets and painful losses? Teacher has created this karmic opportunity and entrusted me with the lives of innumerable sentient beings waiting to be saved. Yet, due to my silly human notions, I have left behind regrets, one after another, on my cultivation path. I can't help asking myself, "What have I achieved in the last ten years? Was consummation the sole purpose in my cultivation? When will I get rid of the layers upon layers of attachments? All along, I have been deceiving myself, looking for cover under Teacher's umbrella of mercy. Being crafty is foolishness - I have been doing only what I've enjoyed, leaving the difficult parts to others. I seek daily comforts, do the minimum then say to myself that I have completed the three things stipulated by Teacher. Isn't it somewhat like grabbing the human side with one hand and the divine side with another? When we step out, shouldn't we completely renounce the human side and walk towards the divine state? Am I just an everyday person doing Dafa work, and bargaining with Teacher on how much we should do?"
Coming to that point, I felt a shiver. What a close shave! Thank you Teacher for pointing this out to me. Suddenly, I feel that my shell has ruptured, and my true self has emerged.
Teacher has paved the way for us to climb the cultivation ladder towards a divine state of infinite virtue. We only need to make the climb and continually strengthen ourselves through Fa study. Whatever problems we have, their solution lies within us, as nothing will accidentally appear along our cultivation paths. When we let go of our own notions and focus on saving sentient beings, the feeling of lack of time will no longer be an issue. Actually our own notions are a hindrance along our cultivation path. Teacher has said that we are continually put under trials until the very end. I had been telling myself, "When the time comes, make sure you do well." Come to think of it, it is quite amusing. I have been behaving like a school child who is lazy during ordinary days, and hoping to achieve full marks on the final.
From the experience above, I have come to realize that cultivation is the most serious of all exams. It is harder than any of the tests set by ordinary people. The difficulty lies in the fact that one cannot cheat in any way. Every cultivator's path is unique and there are no role models to follow. Moreover, there are no shortcuts. Like collecting merit points, efforts in cultivation practice are accumulated through our thoughts and deeds. If we don't gather sufficient merit points during daily practice, how can we expect to pass the final? Consummation is achieved through cultivation, not anticipation. The paths that Teacher laid out for us will take us to the very end. It is our various attachments that are blocking our minds from solving the problems on the exam. We don't expect Teacher to provide us with the solutions, do we? Let us be prepared!
The above are some of my thoughts to share with you all.