(Clearwisdom.net) While growing up, I saw that my parents did not get along well with each other and often quarreled. This left a deep impression in my mind. I thought that when I grew up, I would definitely find and marry a person who truly loved me.

My first marriage failed. Afterwards, I thought about becoming a nun. I also encountered problems in my second marriage, and again I thought about becoming a nun. In the first lunar calendar month of 1995, I was fortunate to learn Falun Dafa. Since then, I have embarked on the path of cultivation.

After Master's article "Towards Consummation" (Essentials for Further Advancement II) was published, I started to search within myself. I didn't think I had the kinds of fundamental attachments that Master pointed out in the article, but later, I was illegally arrested. During the tribulations, I tried to identify my attachments, and I found that my biggest attachments were still fear and selfishness.

The second time I married was in 1993. At that time, my criterion for marriage was simply love. However, after the initial phase of passionate love was over, when my family life got into a routine, everything changed. It appeared that my husband did not have me in mind at all. He no longer seemed to care about me, and he even stopped coming home. I was stunned. I did not know why he had changed so quickly. Was the love between a man and woman so hypocritical and unreliable? Feeling sad, I again thought about becoming a nun. I only came to understand the karmic relationship between a husband and wife after I started my cultivation. Since all has been arranged based on karmic relationships, was there anything that I could not endure? I thought, "So go ahead and pay back the karma," but it was easier said than done. During the actual tribulations, I did not act as I expected I would. Before I started my cultivation, I had taken "love" as the real meaning of life and as part of my true self, and I seemed to live for the sake of sentimentality. After I began cultivation, I learned that everything encountered during cultivation does not happen by accident, and is for the elimination of attachments and karma. Even though I clearly knew that they were the tribulations that I had to go through during my cultivation, I just did not want to pass them, or I passed them sloppily. This was especially true when I passed the tribulation of sentimentality. Every time I failed to pass the tribulation, I forced myself to endure the wrongs. I told myself that I am a Dafa practitioner, and that I was not the same as he. However, I still could not eliminate this attachment. During my cultivation of over 10 years, I have not let go of my attachment of sentimentality.

Our cultivation has reached the final stage, and I still have not found my fundamental attachment. The evil tried even harder to aggravate my attachments and then take this as an excuse to persecute me. Especially over the last year, my husband has behaved even more rudely and unreasonably. He swore at me and showed no traces of human nature. Because I had not let go of my attachment to sentimentality, I had completely resorted to the human-world principles to treat all of these episodes. I felt even more sad and wronged, and I even thought about getting divorced. I had completely taken myself as an ordinary person. The stronger my human sentimentality became and the stronger my attachment to it, the worse my husband behaved. He even started to hurt family members on my parents' side. The family atmosphere had become very tense, and I was unable to study the Fa calmly for nearly two weeks. All I could think about was how my husband had hurt and bullied me. The more I thought this way, the more attached I became.

I knew that I had to calm myself down and think about the root cause of my problems. I studied the article "Towards Consummation" again and again. Was the article talking about my problems? I have tried hard to pursue ordinary people's love and a happy life with love. Is this a fundamental attachment? I initially walked into Dafa because I understood from the Fa, the karmic relationships in generations. Moreover, I wanted to get away from the suffering that my failed love had brought me. That is, I was "...continuing on the path because of those human attachments." ("Towards Consummation") So, basically, I studied the Fa and cultivated myself for the sake of leading a happy life in ordinary society. Therefore, during my 10 years of cultivation, I tightly held onto sentimentality and love without letting go. In looking at the sentimentality, I was reluctant to face it and let go. It was just as Master has said,

"...you don't let go of those filthy things that you cling to in this filthy world, and you even agonize over the most trivial losses." ("True Cultivation" from Essentials for Further Advancement)

This was because I had not found my fundamental attachments, and I had not found the fundamental causes. The many false manifestations generated from this have deceived me, and I was almost totally lost.

During the last phase of Fa-Rectification cultivation practice, all the practitioners who are still persecuted in various ways should really calm down and find their fundamental attachments, because this is the biggest excuse that the old forces have used to persecute us.

Because of my limited level, please point out any incorrect understandings.

July 27, 2007