(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings Master! Greetings fellow practitioners!
1. From obtaining the Fa to Cultivation in Dafa
I'm a Dafa practitioner working in the Chinese educational system and was introduced to the Fa before July 20, 1999. The persecution of Falun Gong started when I just began to experience Dafa's miraculous healing power. I knew that Dafa was good. During the following two years though, I did not understand the importance of stepping forward to safeguard the Fa and had largely given up cultivation, except that I would occasionally read Zhuan Falun and practiced a couple of sets of the exercises when I felt unwell. I also had a huge amount of fear of being persecuted.
Only a couple of practitioners at that time knew that I had learned Falun Dafa, but after July 20, 1999, they either gave up cultivation or were "reformed." No other practitioners were close by to help me improve. Our benevolent Master arranged for me to go overseas, under circumstances deemed impossible in everyone's eyes. On the surface it seemed I came overseas for career development; however, when I went abroad, I quickly understood that Master had arranged for me to actually genuinely cultivate instead of coming for career development. I was fortunate to see Master overseas. His compassion purified my mind and body, and I truly understood what cultivation is all about and understood my mission. Consequently, with a heart to offer sentient beings salvation, I returned to Mainland China.
2. Letting go of attachments in my work environment
After my resolve to offer sentient beings salvation, Master arranged everything for me. When back in China, I found myself in a relaxed work environment and good financial situation, making it easier for me to fulfil my mission. But, because my attachment to recognition and personal gain was still strong, coupled with fear, I brought trouble to myself and was arrested.
At a critical moment I remembered to ask Master for help. Master encouraged me by enabling me to feel the power of righteous thoughts and the rapid spinning of a Falun. All this further strengthened my faith in Dafa. I abandoned my ego and told those interrogating me of the beauty of Dafa, of the evil persecution, and recounted the belief and morals in traditional Chinese culture. I could feel myself being imbued with wisdom. As a result, those people did not harshly punish me.
I felt fear after the incident once I was at home again and considered leaving home to avoid further persecution. But I knew I needed to take care of my family members; at the same time I came to the understanding that Master had arranged for us to cultivate among everyday people, and this way of cultivation would be left for the future. So, I negated my incorrect thoughts and went to work as usual.
My desire for recognition and gain still existed, though hidden. The evil took advantage of that loophole when I returned to work and tried to "reform" me. Whenever I slacked the slightest in righteous thoughts, my friends and colleagues would come to "persuade" me. Then I could really feel pressure from other dimensions and sometimes felt I could hardly breathe.
I often thought about what I would do if I were to be arrested and sent to a labor camp. Just then, Master's new lecture was published, telling us not to acknowledge the old forces' arrangements, even the existence of the old forces. Suddenly, I understood that my line thinking was acknowledging the existence of the old forces. If we do not acknowledge the existence of the old forces, then the persecution should not exist either. When I understood this Fa principle I was empowered by having a great insight! I went to see my workplace leader and told him two things: 1) I will not go to the brainwashing class; 2) if they send me there by force, the consequences would be bad for him. As a result, the matter was left without further actions taken.
Later on I experienced setbacks in areas of promotion assessment, employment, resource distribution, as part of the persecution against practitioners. Initially I saw this as a personal vendetta and my conduct was ego-based when I went to clarify the facts, because I did so with an intention to resolve the specific issues. I knew I needed to look within and had to abandon certain shortcomings of mine, but because the underlying mindset was wrong the results were poor, as could be expected. It was not until this year after I read Master's "Fa Teaching at the 2008 New York Conference" (May 2008) that I became aware of my still persisting desire for recognition and personal gain. I began to look at these things with a sober mind and view them as factors that could help me improve. When I changed my incorrect way of thinking, things around me also changed. My family members' income over the years has steadily increased, and I have never felt any financial burden.
3. Cultivating during the process of offering sentient beings salvation, and the resurfacing of fear
When the persecution first started I had huge fear, even though I knew that fear would bring me trouble. As mentioned above, I only knew two practitioners when I first learned Falun Dafa. One of them later gave up cultivation and went to the opposite side, and the other one did not step forward, either, leaving me without anyone to exchange understandings with on Fa principles. Eventually I overcame this fear and browsed the Minghui/Clearwisdom website. I downloaded articles about practitioners' understanding of Fa principles, the "Minghui Weekly" and Master's new teachings, and shared them with other practitioners. This way, we improved. Practitioners eventually wanted to distribute materials, so I started downloading information materials for them to distribute to people, but I was very worried about computer security and actually I received several warnings from Internet agents. I was rather afraid, but later realized that this happened precisely because of my fear. I thought: Everyone has the right to visit these websites. I could break through the blockade because I have the ability. Why should I listen to you? I abandoned fear and continued to visit Minghui/Clearwisdom and took measures to enhance computer security; nothing like this happened again.
A fellow practitioner unknown to me came to see me and asked me to participate in producing materials on a larger scale; I thus had an environment of group Fa-study and sharing. I took a big step forward on my cultivation path and felt I was improving every day. Thank you Master, for the arrangement!
With the destruction of materials production sites by the CCP agents, and more and more practitioners stepping forward and needing materials, I felt ever more pressured and for a while felt very tired. I felt I could not handle so many materials and complained about fellow practitioners. Interference proliferated, and fear emerged again. I exchanged my confused thoughts with a practitioner who came to pick up materials. This practitioner told me there was no requirement as to quantity, and I could just do as much as I could. Having heard this I felt less burdened but thought about it later and realized: What I'm doing is to offer sentient beings salvation. What am I afraid of? Isn't fear a reflection of ego? When I enlightened to the Fa principles, I let go of the fear once more, and the interference also stopped, and I began to make more and more materials.
Eventually the material production was adjusted and my workload was reduced, but I then felt left out and empty. I looked inward and found my attachment to doing things. I realized when exchanging my thoughts with others that when other practitioners wanted to work in materials production I should give them the opportunity. Isn't this a good thing? Having realized this, I saw many other things I could do.
All my colleagues have higher education and have their own ways of thinking. They also attach great importance to their recognition and personal gain. To protect themselves, most of them do not openly want to talk about Falun Gong issues. I collected their email addresses and telephone numbers and posted them on Minghui/Clearwisdom, asking overseas practitioners to help clarify the facts to them. I also put fact-clarifying information in their mailboxes. After a while I noticed changes in many of them. I also persuaded those I could easily communicate with on appropriate occasions to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations.
Conclusion
It has been quite some time since the notice for the Fifth Internet Experience Sharing Conference was posted, and I thought of writing a paper, but I was not clear on what to share, so I did not do anything. When there was only one week left I decided to write, without any pursuit as to whether or not it would be published. The evil in other dimensions interfered and I had a severe headache for two days, without any sign of it going away. I endured passively. One day before the submission deadline I thought it was too late and thought of giving it up, until lunchtime yesterday.
I realized that the evil was very scared and did not want me to write, so it had come to interfere with me. I would not acknowledge it. In the afternoon, another practitioner came to see me unexpectedly and shared with me her experience in writing out her thoughts. While I spoke with her my headache disappeared and my mind also became clear. I knew what I would write about. Master saw that I now had righteous thoughts and arranged a fellow practitioner to come to help me. I dreamed this morning that the evil forces were only a few fragmentary, poisonous objects. As long as we have righteous thoughts they are nothing. My writing went as smoothly as flowing water. Once again, I have experienced Master's greatness and His boundless compassion.
I have entered the tenth year of cultivation. For the past ten years I have travelled a bumpy path, and had new insights into Fa principles from time to time, and my faith in Dafa has also become firmer and firmer. I feel that Master has seen my mindset and has helped and protected me along the way. I do not even need to intentionally take any initiative; as long as I study the Fa well, I can melt into the Fa, and Master will steer my righteous thoughts into the correct direction and arrange for me to do what I should do, and bring those to me whom I should offer salvation.
When I began to write I realized that I had so much to say that the few pages were far from enough. This sharing was a recording of what came to my mind, with Master strengthening my righteous thoughts; my eyes were filled with tears of gratitude several times during the writing process. As mentioned already, I do not hold any pursuit for the sharing to be published; I just view it as a testimony to Master's boundless compassion and part of the record of my cultivation journey.
Thank you Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!
November 14, 2008