Realizing My Attachments Through Quietly Listening to Others Share at Group Fa Study
Aug. 23, 2009
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By a Falun Dafa practitioner from China
(Clearwisdom.net) I opened a new store two months ago and I have been very busy, so neither the nor my business have received adequate attention. I have been in a rather poor cultivation state recently - so poor that I was even repeatedly punched in the chest by someone the other day. Later on, I realized it was probably because I have often criticized my wife in public, with an arrogant and overbearing tone and pose towards her. So, that person beat me in public and let me experience the same feeling of being humiliated and insulted.
I was also reluctant to go to the Fa study group, because I felt that I did not gain much improvement from the group Fa study. Since my wife and fellow practitioners constantly urged me to go, this time I unwillingly participated in the group Fa study.
During the study of Teacher's "Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference," I saw some fellow practitioners using the self-typeset article, and I immediately developed a strong aversion. Last time when we studied Teacher's "Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference," the self-typesetting issue was brought up and self-typesetting was discouraged, but surprisingly this problem now recurred among veteran practitioners. I felt in my heart that this problem should not have recurred and pondered why this happened again? So, during the experience sharing, I kept silent due to my unhappiness in this matter. With an aversive mind, their sharing sounded hollow to me, and I felt their remarks lacked the substance of cultivating their hearts. As I went deeper and deeper into thought like this, all of a sudden, I recalled that Teacher had mentioned in the new article that some practitioners have the mentality of looking down upon others. At this moment, I realized something: Wasn't I developing the mentality of belittling other people? After I realized my problem, my mind gradually calmed down, and I started to appreciate other people's sharing. Then I recalled giving my sharing in the same way before. I thought I should also take the initiative to talk about my own cultivation, but then I decided that I was not really cultivating well enough during this period and did not have much to talk about, so I should simply quietly listen to other people speak.
One fellow practitioner talked about the importance of one's mind intent and commented that we should never say conclusively that someone cannot be saved. There was a practitioner who tirelessly clarified the truth to an ordinary person dozens of times before he was able to successfully persuade that person to quit the CCP and all its affiliated organizations. Suddenly, I recalled that before I was beaten, I once said something like I wanted my wife to be a good person and myself to be a "bad egg." So, I was enlightened that my being beaten might have had something to do with what I had said. Therefore, cultivating one's speech should be taken seriously.
While another practitioner talked about his deficiency in cultivating compassion, a practitioner next to him cut in and made some comments. In ordinary people's words, the comments made by this practitioner were kind of like hollow talk. At that time, I thought: It was good for the one practitioner to share based on his understanding of Fa, and what was the matter with the other practitioner who interrupted him in the middle? But after this thought, I realized I was looking down upon a fellow practitioner again. I could feel myself casting a contemptuous glance at him as he talked. Then I thought to myself: Don't I have the same problem of lacking compassion? I am indeed far behind in cultivating compassion. In the past, when I met somebody I would smile, but that was just a superficial means to protect myself. Deep down in my heart, I was not truly compassionate towards others. In the face of conflicts, I still showed a strong mentality of competition, which I clearly understood now. So, to a large extent, my being beaten also had to do with this mentality.
The topic of discussion was now switched to party culture. I have already realized this problem of mine and I am in the process of rectifying it. In particular, one symptom of party culture is that one will ramble on for a long time before he comes to what he would really like to say. Furthermore, the mentality of considering others to be enemies while feigning kindness when meeting somebody, without being truly compassionate towards others were also caused by the pollution of party culture.
Next, a fellow practitioner talked about something done by another fellow practitioner who I used to belittle. A colleague of that practitioner often spoke ill of others in front of him, but he told the colleague not to do so, because it did no good to treat anybody like that. It would be better if everybody could be compassionate toward others, like Falun Gong practitioners advocate - compassion towards others. Because of his influence, now their work unit is united and the environment around them is quite good.
As I quietly listened to my fellow practitioners share their experiences, I found that I have gained tremendous benefit from it. What fellow practitioners said was all pointing to my shortcomings. I realize that only if I place myself below others and modestly look inwards to search for my flaws can I make progress. Only by doing this can I say that I am solidly cultivating; that I am walking on the path we are supposed to; and that I am doing things we ought to.
Now, after reflecting on the incident of my being beaten, it was because of my narrow-mindedness. Namely, I could not let go of 10 Yuan, and went after that person for it, causing the outcome of my being beaten. How petty I was! This indicated that I still had a strong mentality for gaining profit. Also, more often than not, I look down upon others and behave with self-importance and arrogance exhibiting my total lack of the traditional virtue of modesty. How could I make a progress like this? How could I proceed on my cultivation path by leaps and bounds this way? The more I thought about myself, the more shortcomings I found. It was indeed high time for me to keep silent, listen to others, and look inside myself.
I have found that I also don't use concrete actions to implement Teacher's instructions. The things that Teacher warns about in his new articles are all my daily behaviors. I really need to hold a higher standard for myself as time goes by. However, due to my sluggishness in cultivation and lax attitude in self-restraint, I seem to be going backwards. It is time for me to wake up.
Successful cultivation does not automatically come with time, and feigned formality will not enable us to pass the tests. If I weigh myself, can I say I am up to the standard of cultivation? Are there still human mentalities residing in my heart? Am I worthy of the name Dafa disciple? I can see what I have let myself become and I am ashamed.
From now on, I will maintain a good balance between my Fa study and running the business, and I will strive to embody the true compassion of a Dafa practitioner.