(Clearwisdom.net) Recently, my feelings were deeply hurt. I had known a fellow practitioner who lived out of town for over six months. I had met her six or seven times, and we treated each other like sisters. However, one day she suddenly refused to talk to me, even though everything was perfectly normal the day before. She said she was afraid to be harmed by the demon of sentimentality. I went to see her, but she refused to see me, and said some things that hurt my feelings. I was very sad and cried every day.
One day Master gave me a hint in a dream after seeing me fail to enlighten to the situation.
After I woke up, I came to understand that even though we had both seen each other's shortcomings, neither of us has looked within, nor stepped back and taken a broader view. Instead, we were both strongly self-centered. I started to look within, and the first thing I found was my attachment to emotions. My admiration of that practitioner's writings had strengthened my attachment to sentiment, which had created a loophole for the evil to persecute me. I came to understand that I must remove that attachment. I also realized that my fellow practitioner was a mirror for me in cultivation practice, that I should have looked within as soon as I saw her shortcomings. I asked myself, "How are you doing in cultivation practice? Are you a qualified Dafa disciple?" As soon as I started to sincerely look within, I was surprised with what I found.
What I felt was her "lack of compassion" reminded me to look within. I found that I had never sincerely cultivated "Compassion." For the sake of politeness, I was nice to fellow practitioners and people outside of my family, but fell short in being compassionate to my family. For example, I often complained about my siblings, and often scolded and even hit my daughter who had been living with me since my husband and I divorced. One day, Master tried to enlighten me through my mother's comments, "How could you call yourself a practitioner? How well have you shown tolerance?" I immediately talked back to her, "Stop it! Wouldn't it be worse if I just quit practicing?" Now I realized that I had failed to get rid of the "wickedness" that I had when I was an ordinary person, and it followed me even though I had been cultivating for ten years, which was alarming.
That practitioner's "selfishness" made me look within. I asked myself how well I had been doing the three things that Master has told us to do. I seldom practiced the exercises because of laziness; I had slept through almost every global sending righteous thoughts time at 12:00 a.m.; my truth-clarification had been limited to people that I knew, and I had never taken the initiative to go out to clarify the facts. I was always seeking ease and comfort and was afraid of hardships. Wasn't I extremely selfish?
I questioned myself, "Do you or do you not believe in the Fa? Can you or can you not stand up and become diligent again?" I found I could not answer these questions. I had a good cry and slept a long time afterward. I could only remember that I called out for Master several times in my dreams. When I woke up, I felt as if I had been changed into a different person.
After identifying my selfishness and wickedness, I found that I had the attachment of jealousy, because jealousy is the root of wickedness. Master said, "A wicked person is born of jealousy. Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself." ("Realms" from Essentials For Further Advancement) From then on, I started sending righteous thoughts for a long time to eliminate all the substances and elements of resentment, wickedness, jealousy and selfishness from my mind and my own dimensional field. A few days later I felt the difference. My mind became clear and bright, my heart became generous, and my body was lightening up. For the first time in ten years I started conscientiously digging out my shortcomings, and things changed for me right away.
Perhaps because I had shown my sincerity of wanting to fundamentally change myself, Master saw it and removed a lot of bad things for me. I will never forget the following incident. While shopping in a department store several days ago, I saw a picture of an actor that I liked a lot, so I stopped and stared at it for quite awhile, and didn't leave until I suddenly felt doing this was not right. Upon getting home, I felt very bad about myself, because I realized it was not coincidental and this had exposed my attachment to lust. I decided to turn the bad thing into a good thing by removing the attachment.
That night, I sat down to send forth strong righteous thoughts to expel and eliminate all the substances and elements of lust, desire and sentiment from my mind, body and dimensional field, as well as the origin of my life. After an hour of doing this I started to feel abdominal pain and went to the bathroom several times. I knew it was the effect of righteous thoughts. I continued holding strong thoughts of disintegrating these substances till I went to bed, and asked Master to help me. I constantly recited "Mie" and called out for Master in my heart for almost that entire night.
I was exhausted and about to fall asleep when I suddenly saw Master's fashen standing in my room big and tall. He said something to the outside which was followed by a clap of thunder over the roof, and then suddenly thunder and lightning and bloody rain poured down from the sky. At the same time, pink lightning crisscrossed and joined together, making the sky bright and dazzling. The shower of blood continued, staining the glass in the windows. In the room, a man named Mao was trying to fight with Master, but in the end, Master pointed one finger and he disappeared. I watched, horrified and excited, thinking, "So, lust, desire and sentiment are all red." I told Master that my body felt very good after the shower of blood. Master looked at me, smiling in assent and said He would inform the others about my changes. I thought it would be too shameful to share my story with others, and became quite anxious. Right then, the scene disappeared immediately.
I was stunned by what I had seen and could not come back to myself for quite awhile. How extremely fortunate to have witnessed Master purifying my dimensional field and removing bad things in person! My soul was awe struck and greatly encouraged, leaving me no excuse for not being diligent!
The next morning, I went back to my hometown by train. I felt Master was still in front of me, and I was surrounded by energy. My body was warm and I was in a very good mood. In a half day on the train, I persuaded 25 people to quit the Party. I had one thought: "Those who want to listen to the truth, come to me." The scene was very touching. People sitting near me all listened quietly, the three people sitting across the aisle a couple of rows away turned around to listen. One passenger left his seat and came to stand by me to listen. I was surrounded by people. Before I got off, I told them openly and nobly how to help their friends and family to quit the Party and its affiliated organizations. One young woman held my hand and thanked me continuously, and several others watched me leaving the train reluctantly. A few days have passed, I could still see their hopeful eyes and I am deeply touched.
Initially the reason I had practiced cultivation was to avoid reincarnating. Now, with the constant removal of selfishness, I found the capacity of my heart has increased. My mind has become calm and peaceful, and I've become sympathetic to others and I know this is compassion. One day, looking out my window at the rows of bungalows, I thought, "When the catastrophe comes, how many of these people will survive? Can I save them?" I shed tears. I thought of buying a printer so I could print truth-clarification materials to save sentient beings. I thought of the police department, the civic departments, people's courts and the administration of justice which were omitted in truth-clarification, I decided to mail them truth-clarification letters. However, I had no knowledge of printers and supplies, and didn't know what to do.
At this time, a fellow practitioner came to see me. She told me she had a printer that was not currently in use and also had the supplies. She said she would fetch them for me right away. At that moment I was almost moved to tears. It was indeed as Master said, "They will not take care of you if you do not practice cultivation. If you practice cultivation, they will help you all the way to the end." (Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun,)
During my ten years of cultivation practice, I had not put real effort into finding my fundamental attachments! I always thought that I didn't have big problems, and that my small problems would melt away with Fa study. Since this incident, I have carefully examined my goal and state of cultivation, and found my fundamental attachments, which are, the attachment to sentiment, the wonderfulness of consummation, and being carefree and at ease. This was why I was so notably seeking ease and comfort in my everyday life. My goal in cultivation practice was selfish--no wonder I wasn't motivated to do the three things! I always wanted to run away and hide as soon as any difficulty arose, how could I be diligent?
When I made a determined decision to be a genuine Dafa disciple and be truly compassionate and altruistic, I found myself calming down immediately during Fa study, and I became very focused. I felt every cell in my body was assimilating to the Fa and hungry for the Fa, and I was filled with energy. The tranquility and peacefulness of my soul were beyond description. I studied the Fa in this elevated state of mind every day, and my human side became quiet and contented, as if this were my true self. I think this is the state of a being that has returned to his/her true self.
The sharp pain in my heart forced me to truly look within, and with Master's benevolent care I returned to the path of truly cultivating in such a short time. My soul and being were awe-struck. I'm writing down my experience to express my righteous faith and steadfast belief in Dafa, and my unending admiration and gratefulness to Master's infinite grace.
I also want to remind fellow practitioners to cherish the magic weapon Master has bestowed us - to look within, for only by doing this well can we not let down Master's merciful salvation, and sentient beings' keen hopes.