(Clearwisdom.net) I would like to share some shortcomings I have which recently came to light.

I am a musician and have been trying to make a career out this field for the last 5 years or so. As this is a normal source of employment in society, there is nothing wrong with it, but recently I noticed that my thoughts were more often than not on this and not on saving others.

I have always understood music by enlightening and have had certain abilities given to me. I can also hear music from other dimensions and I am often given hints and inspiration this way. Before I was a practitioner I always wondered why. Once I obtained the Fa, I understood why it was I had this situation and began to change the focus of my music to truth-clarification and Dafa.

Around 4 years ago I was in a job that I did not like and dreamed of being able to make a living as a musician, or even better, as a composer. My wish for these things began to contaminate my wish to save people with music and made it impure. Over time this has grown stronger and stronger, and now my thoughts of success in the music industry have even eclipsed my thoughts of saving others. During my stay with two different companies, I constantly looked for what I could take advantage of to make a name for myself outside of the company. As a result I was interfered with badly at work and could not do my job properly.

I had a feeling for a while that I had become obsessed, but could not fully see it until Master's recent lecture, “What Is A Dafa Disciple”:

"The people in this world today, including most of those in the different social classes, don’t know what they came to this world for, and busy themselves striving to make a career. This is especially true for those who’ve had a taste of success. They are so pleased with themselves, forgetting who they are. And when they think that they’re really good at some things, they get completely carried away; and if they feel that their lives are not so great, they are filled with anger and resentment towards the world. But that is not what your being needs, in fact. You mustn’t get so caught up in such things. What is important, instead, is to recover your true self."

When I read these words, they hit me quite hard and I knew I had a problem. I could sense that these thoughts had formed into a strong substance in my mind and I had to begin to resist and eliminate it. It is the same as Master mentions in the section “Your Master Consciousness Needs To Be Strong” in Lecture Six of Zhuan Falun:

"There’s another type of karma that’s powerful, and it has a serious impact on cultivators. It’s called thought-karma. While you’re alive you have to think. But since people are lost among ordinary people, they often form in their minds a kind of thought that revolves around reputation, gain, lust, anger, and those things. As time goes by, it shapes up into a strong thought-karma. Everything in other dimensions is alive, so karma is, too. When someone wants to cultivate a true teaching he has to eliminate his karma."

My understanding of this is that (thought) karma appears as a being in another dimension and is aware of his own existence. It needs you to constantly think about it to give it energy to survive and grow. If you don't think about it, it is weakened and can be eliminated. It is similar to the creation of fake Buddhas and Daos mentioned in the section “Buddha Image Consecration” in Lecture Five of Zhuan Falun:

"From the moment they start to worship it it’ll gradually start to get energy. So it forms a tangible body, but the tangible body is formed in another dimension."

I have missed the opportunity to save predestined people from within this industry, as when I have met with them, I have been more concerned with what they can give me and how they can help my career, and as a result I completely forgot to save them. My notions have also been affected with writing of music influenced by what may or may not be popular to help me make a living. This is not correct, as what is popular in society is driven by the falling standard and what is successful is based on karmic returns. So I really should not concern myself with this.

The other day, I had the opportunity to play in front of someone from an Asian nation, who is unknown in my country but quite famous over there and who has Chinese heritage. Despite the fact that I knew I had to save her, I completely forgot this as I set about trying to impress her. As a result things did not turn out as I had hoped, and my heart became selfish. She left before I could get a chance to speak with her.

I can quite clearly see that I have the attachments to showing off, jealousy, ambition, career, fame, gain, and lust, as they are all shown and manifested in this one aspect of my life. I am now working to eliminate these bad thoughts and sticky substances, and to purify my heart and mind so that I can more effectively save sentient beings.

This is just my shallow understanding. Please point out anything incorrect. Heshi.