(Minghui.org)
I. Getting Rid of the Attachment of Being Self-Opinionated, Paying Attention to Cultivation of Speech
I had a strong attachment of being self-opinionated. It seemed that I knew everything. I believed that I was always right and wiser than anyone else. I thought what others said and did was not perfect, so I always spoke from a commanding position and told others how to do things correctly. If others did not follow my advice or had different opinions, I would be uncomfortable or even angry. This mentality had become a natural part of me. When others talked, a tide would surge in my heart. I wanted to interrupt them and couldn’t wait to express my “correct” opinion.
My wife had pointed out my attachment very sharply many times. However, I never looked within and instead conducted myself as usual. I often posted messages on the forum on the Tiandixing website. Because posters didn’t know one another, we seldom considered sentimentality and spoke quite abruptly. When my attachment of being self-opinionated was touched upon, I could see it clearly, as my words had been recorded there. I was aware of its manifestations: drawing conclusions according to imagination, inferring from subjective judgments, speaking with rigid tones, and not being peaceful.
This attachment played a negative role while I validated the Fa and clarified the truth to people. For instance, when making recorded calls to clarify the truth, for a period of time, I had different views about its content, which was published on the Minghui website. I thought “this sentence would not be accepted by the world’s people,” “that sentence shouldn’t be put as the opening,” etc. My human notions blocked its positive effect. If even I do not agree, how could I expect other people to listen to it with patience? The process of clarifying the truth to people was also that of cultivation. Later I realized that those resistant notions were not my true self. When they were removed, the effect of clarifying the truth also improved.
Since I became aware of my attachments, I knew it was time to remove them. Whenever a dispute arose, I warned myself to look inside unconditionally. I was no longer confused by the superficial right or wrong. I started to pay attention to cultivation of speech. I kept silent in most situations. Even when it was necessary to speak, I kept a low profile. I put myself in a lower position, spoke calmly, peacefully, and sincerely, respected others, and backed my words with reasoning.
Speech is the voice of the heart. Cultivation of speech is also cultivation of heart. One’s xinxing level manifests itself in speech and behavior. When I was interrogated under torture in 2007, due to my human attachments, I was not on the Fa and suffered persecution. The lessons from that experience were very profound.
Now I realize that it was because I didn’t study the Fa well. In the face of persecution or conflict, if I had thought of Teacher’s Fa and looked inside, I would have made rapid progress. Now I am doing much better in this respect and will keep at it.
II. Getting Rid of the Mentality of Showing Off
I kept a low profile superficially, but subconsciously I had the mentality of showing off. I thought that though I was not at the top, I was better than some. I always compared myself to others without being aware of it. I didn’t align myself with the Fa at different levels. While sharing with others, I couldn’t listen to others with patience. Instead, I couldn’t wait to express my own opinion and I interrupted others abruptly. I liked being unconventional and didn’t follow the rules. Since I became aware of it, I started to repress it. Now I can listen and think more, speak less, and consult others with a modest attitude. I can also cooperate with others. I no longer emphasize or stick to my own personal views.
III. Getting Rid of Jealousy
I became aware of my jealousy after I started practicing cultivation in Dafa. During my college life, I felt unwell when I saw two roommates close to each other. It also manifested during the process of brainstorming solutions. If someone raised a good solution, others may praise him/her. However, I never did the same from the bottom of my heart. Instead, I was very critical. Teacher taught us the Fa about jealousy on its own in Zhuan Falun. I looked within and was very scared. I found that even today, I still haven’t let go of my jealousy. Attachments cannot be removed unless we are aware of them. After looking inside and aligning my every thought with the Fa, I identified my jealousy that had been hidden for a long time but never noticed.
IV. Getting Rid of Lust and Desires
In Zhuan Falun, Teacher said, “Desires, lust, and things of these sorts are all human attachments, and all of them should be given up.” (Zhuan Falun) For a period of time, I was quite confused about the relationship between desires and sexual behaviors, and I was not sure if sexual behaviors were equivalent to having desires. After sharing with fellow practitioners, I came to a different understanding. At first, I didn’t agree with them in my mind. Moreover, I found many excuses with which to defend myself. Actually, it was because I was not cultivating well. Our understanding about the Fa elevates together with our xinxing level. Reaching a certain realm is a natural process and cannot be forced. However, our human side should also remain diligent and take action. As long as we pay attention to it, we can pass the test. Every thought is crucial for us to pass the test. What standard do we use to discipline ourselves? That’s very important. A slight relaxation may lead to human thinking. During this process, it is also very easy to develop an attachment to pursuing results. Cultivation is very serious.
V. Getting Rid of Selfishness
My notion of selfishness has prevented me from truly believing in Teacher and the Fa since I started practicing Falun Dafa. As a result, I couldn’t absolutely follow the principles of Dafa. I always made a discount or tried to be creative, especially while confronting pressure. Gradually I became aware that this notion blocked me from assimilating to Dafa unconditionally.
This may be closely related to my growth experience. I achieved excellent grades in school and had been promoted quickly since I started working. I had a sense of privilege over others. As a result, I often commanded others and thought that everyone should follow my orders. I always thought that I was special, so I kept relaxing the standards for myself. Subconsciously I thought I was unique and special so that it was unnecessary for me to be strict with myself, but it was necessary for others. I could require others to do something, while I was exempt. As to the things that others advocated, I found excuses not to cooperate actively. I liked being unrestrained, opportunistic, and unconventional. I always looked outward and identified shortcomings and attachments in others. However, I was afraid to hurt their feelings and never compassionately pointed them out. Meanwhile, I never looked inside to reflect upon my own attachments.
Actually, it’s because I couldn’t let go of myself completely and didn’t want to change myself completely and assimilate to Dafa unconditionally. When I let go of my attachments, I always retained some and was very sloppy. What’s more, I covered my unrighteousness by finding excuses from the Fa. It manifested on the surface as follows: I wish to return home with Teacher, but I don’t want to let go of my human attachments, or I try my best to keep the things I like. For instance, I couldn’t let go of life and death under pressure, couldn’t deny the arrangements made by the old forces, and compromised with the evil in both mind and action.
An article titled “Eliminating Elements that Resist Fa Rectification,” published in the 498th Minghui Weekly, touched me greatly. I looked inside seriously and meticulously and found that such elements also existed deep in the bottom of my heart. It was the degenerate notion that I mentioned above: selfishness. It commonly existed among lives in the old cosmos. However, it is difficult to be aware of and to identify without careful examination. That’s why every time when I was in a tribulation, I was sloppy and later regretful. Strictly speaking, I didn’t distinguish my true self from the degenerate notions, which I regarded as part of my life.
When talking about belief in Teacher and Dafa, I was pretty sure that I had firm belief. If anyone said that I didn’t believe in Teacher and Dafa one hundred percent, I was not happy. However, when I looked inside carefully, I found that my heart had never wanted to completely follow the requirements of Fa-rectification, not to mention my actions. This is exactly the point that I was reluctant to face, think more about, or admit. I had never been aware of it before. This time, when I was writing this sharing article, I calmed down and straightened my thoughts. It was hidden deeply and not as obvious as the mentality of showing off and being self-opinionated. However, when I measured myself rationally according to Dafa, I clearly identified the elements inside of me that resisted Fa-rectification. As I identified such degenerate substances, I felt lighter than ever. I will continue eliminating them in my future cultivation until they are eradicated.
VI. Treating Family Compassionately
My wife understood the truth about Falun Dafa, so she supported me in cultivation. However, she was frightened by the persecution that happened to me several years ago. The persecution enforced by the old forces seriously prevented my wife from practicing cultivation. One time, when my wife hid the cash that I marked with truth-clarification text, I didn’t say anything. Recently, she did the same thing again. I looked inside and realized that I didn’t tell her what I should have. I was not responsible to her. This time, I told her that what she did was equivalent to standing on the evil’s side, which hurt me as well as herself. Finally, she agreed with me and returned the cash to me. From this experience, I realized that we should show concern for our family from the Fa’s perspective and be considerate for their eternal life. That is truly being concerned for them and shows the compassion that Dafa practitioners should have.
VII. Clarifying the Truth with Greater Effort
One year ago, I developed great interest in clarifying the truth using cell phones. I thought this project could break the space barrier. Now cell phones are widely used and free of charge for receiving calls. No matter where the person is, he/she has the chance to receive truth-clarification calls. I have been doing this project well and changed cell phones many times. Now I have learned how to use smartphones, which greatly increase my efficiency in clarifying the truth.
VIII. Strengthening the Main Consciousness
Sending righteous thoughts is one of the three things that Teacher told us to do. Sometimes, my main consciousness was not strong while I sent righteous thoughts. As a result, my palm drooped, and my fingers sometimes touched each other in the big lotus hand sign. One thing worth mentioning is that, previously, my lotus flower hand sign was substandard. It was only corrected this year when I was with fellow practitioners. This is Teacher’s compassionate care for disciples.
While I practiced the exercises, many human thoughts surfaced, so I couldn’t reach the state of body and spirit being together. Now I realize that it’s because I didn’t eliminate interference with determination, and my main consciousness was not strong. Now, as long as I pay attention to it and treat it seriously, there is marked improvement. The key is perseverance.