(Minghui.org) After I was released from a brainwashing center last year, I was severely interfered with by the old forces, who made use of my feelings of remorse and my strong attachment towards the time Fa rectification would end. Consequently I took a rather dangerous detour. During this time, Master and practitioners around me did not give up on me. With the continuous help of fellow practitioners, after nearly six months, I am currently back on track in Fa rectification cultivation. I'm writing about my experience to summarize the lessons I learned, which will help me proceed smoothly in my subsequent cultivation path. At the same time, I hope other practitioners with similar experiences can draw upon this and that it will help them overcome their tribulations.
Last summer, I was illegally arrested for clarifying the truth and taken to a brainwashing center. Due to my human attachments, I succumbed to the brainwashing. Upon returning home, I deeply regretted my actions and felt that I had let Master down. I was also worried that Fa rectification would end very soon and it would be too late for me to make amends for my loss. I felt I would be weeded out and this fear became a strong attachment.
The second day after I returned home, a practitioner came to my place and shared her understandings with me. She told me to publish a solemn declaration as soon as possible and at the same time, be more diligent in studying the Fa. Because I did not go back to work the first week after being released, after issuing a solemn declaration, I diligently studied the Fa every day and did the exercises. I slept no more than five hours each night. However, due to my strong remorse and attachment to time, as I was studying the Fa, all that went into my brain was distorted understandings of the Fa. I even thought that my becoming a practitioner was arranged by the old forces so that I could sabotage Dafa. I felt that if I did not do well, Master would forsake me. I decided not to go back to work because I thought this was completely denying the old forces' arrangement. First, I felt that my colleagues would have a bad impression of Dafa because I had given up my belief and was consequently allowed to return to work. Secondly, I felt that I got to keep my job because I had given in to the evil and pretended that I was transformed. This was accepting the old forces' arrangement. However, because I was closely monitored, if I refused to return to my workplace, the agents from the 610 Office would not be able to watch over me and as a result, there was a high possibility that I would be arrested again. Thus I was prepared for the worst – going on a hunger strike to protest against the persecution or even death.
In retrospect, I had all these thoughts because my remorse was so strong and my attachments such as my competitive mentality were intensified by the evil. In fact the old forces got a handle on me and wanted to destroy me. My family was extremely worried when they learned of the thoughts I was having. They invited the same practitioner as well as another practitioner to my house to share their understandings. Both practitioners felt that returning to work did not mean that I was following the old forces' arrangement. From the principles of the Fa, everyone has a job because of the virtue accumulated from previous lives. Furthermore, having a stable job and income is beneficial to validating the Fa. The crux of the matter was that I should realize the mistakes I made in the past and work hard to catch up and make amends. This is adhering to the requirements of the Fa. Thus I decided to go back to work.
However, on the morning that I returned to work, I ran into our neighborhood security guard, who was knocking on my neighbor's door as I stepped out of the house. When I reached the ground floor, again, I heard someone saying loudly that it is all right not to go to work. Hence, I hesitated and wondered if Master was giving me hints to stop me from returning to work. But then I recalled the previous sharing with fellow practitioners, which was based on the Fa, and continued to my workplace. As I started at my job, I suddenly discovered that I could not concentrate on my task and could not focus on what I was doing. After work, I returned home, but my mind was still in a scattered state. My brain seemed to be pasted with a very thick substance and I could not grasp anything when I read Master's books. I thought my returning to work was a mistake.
So, the next day, I did not go to work. My family invited fellow practitioners to come and share with me at home again, as well as send righteous thoughts for me. My mind became clearer and I went back to work. Subsequently, for a long time, these negative thoughts kept recurring and I regarded going to work as following the old forces' arrangement. During this period, I continued to clarify the truth but most of the time, I encountered huge interference and the effects differed greatly from past experiences. Consequently, I fell into greater remorse and could hardly grasp any Fa principles when I studied the Fa. Sometimes I could not even understand the surface meaning of the words in Zhuan Falun. Often I could not feel anything at all while doing the exercises. I also constantly had the idea that I should give up practicing. At the same time, my xinxing began to decline, and I became irritable and lost my temper easily. The state of my body gradually began regressing into that of a non-practitioner. When I clearly saw these negative changes yet I struggled to get rid of them, the agony in my heart was indescribable. Often I lapsed into despair and my righteous thoughts and determination of returning back to the Fa was severely tested.
During this time, my aunt, who is also a practitioner, came to my city and brought me an entire set of Dafa books. After sharing with me, she concluded that I still had righteous thoughts; however because I had loopholes in my cultivation these were used by the evil to create interference. When she learned that I was still involved in truth clarifying projects, she frankly told me to stop what I was doing because my field was not pure, my thoughts were not righteous and consequently what I did failed to have the desired effect. She felt that if I continued in this state, the evil would take advantage of my loopholes and have me arrested again. She suggested that the most important thing I should do now is assimilate to the Fa. She also helped to cleanse my field by frequently sending righteous thoughts towards me. She told me that the first time she cleaned up my field, as we held one hand upright, countless evil entities surrounded and attacked her. These minions were completely eliminated after sending righteous thoughts for nearly half an hour and then my thoughts became clear. My whole body, which had been ice cold, became warm. During that period of time, I often felt cold and my thoughts were scattered. My relative came to share with me every few days and used righteous thoughts to help clear up my field.
One practitioner took the same route as I to go to work. Every morning we would walk together for nearly an hour and share our understandings along the way. For three consecutive days, Master gave her hints in her dreams. The first day, Master asked her to give me a eucalyptus tree (known as "an" tree in Chinese. "An" has the same sound as being at ease). The next day, she dreamt that both of us were in a car and it broke down. The car was repaired and it could move again, but the road in front was extremely bad. On the third day, she saw a character appear on a calm lake and Master spoke to her in an urgent voice: "Ask him to get rid of this character". This character slowly emerged from the surface of the lake and it was the word "chaotic". After sharing with me about her dreams, she felt that Master wanted her to tell me to be at ease but my subsequent cultivation path will be very difficult and in the process I have to get rid of my wandering, chaotic thoughts.
At the same time, a practitioner came back from overseas and shared that when there are practitioners outside China with similar circumstances, many practitioners would study the Fa with him. According to those whose celestial eye is open, these practitioners are surrounded by a black substance. Usually they read "Zhuan Falun" through once. It was also suggested that the practitioner who is in a tribulation should spend more time with other practitioners. Thus whenever I wavered in my faith and did not want to go to work, the practitioner who walked to work with me would take leave from her work and ask me to study the Fa with her in her house. Once I became frustrated with not being able to understand when I read the Fa and resolved not to go back to work. I refused to listen to anyone who tried to persuade me. That night, the practitioner had a dream. I was at the top of a mountain in a certain dimension. I had tied myself up with a rope and after descending from the mountain, I walked slowly towards a dark dimension. Many Dafa disciples were watching me from a car that was about to depart. At the same time, a voice told her: "He has chosen his path and we cannot help him anymore." When she told me about her dream the first thing in the morning, I broke out in cold sweat with fear. She felt that I had developed demonic interference because my mind was not righteous and I was too attached to self. From then onwards, whenever I made any rash decisions, I would share with practitioners first. This practitioner sent righteous thoughts together with me everyday during her lunch break. We also studied the Fa for long periods of time and persisted till today. Once, she said to me: "As long as you don't leave the Fa, I will never forsake you. This is my responsibility." Her words gave me tremendous hope and confidence.
With the persistent help of practitioners, I have returned to Fa rectification cultivation. As I look back on this experience, I am amazed at the magnificence of Master and Dafa. Dafa disciples are the best and they are able to show selfless concern towards other practitioners, treating them just like their own family members. I was able to make it through this huge tribulation because of such selfless help. Here I heshi to our compassionate and great Master, as well as practitioners who have helped me.
In "20th Anniversary Fa Teaching", Master said:
"When I saw students who came out of China, I urged them to tell the students who haven’t stepped forward to quickly do so—to have them quickly find those lost students and spell the facts out for them, for what they otherwise face is a most tragic of ends."
After reading this paragraph, I feel that at present, the most urgent task facing mainland Chinese practitioners is to help such practitioners. In the process, one will surely encounter many problems. I decided to write down my experience so that other Dafa disciples can understand the main obstacles facing practitioners who have strayed. I hope that it will be of assistance in this matter.
When helping such practitioners, there is an obstacle that is easily overlooked by both parties. The person who is trying to help may feel that the other party's thoughts cannot be easily rectified and he is unwilling to return to the Fa. Yet the practitioner who is in the tribulation will often meet with many obstacles, especially those arising from negative thoughts. He has difficulty distinguishing such thoughts from his main consciousness – the true self. This is because when he was supposedly transformed by the evil, he committed a sin against Master and Dafa and hence gained tremendous karma, including thought karma. These substances formed a black karmic field around his body and created an obstacle made of these elements. Therefore, practitioners should be aware that these practitioners who have gone astray were not only hindered by the slander and lies fabricated by the evil, they are also obstructed by such elements. In the process of clarifying the truth to these practitioners, if you hear negative comments, don't be upset. These don't come from their true thoughts. It is highly possible that the old forces are using these factors to create interference. Therefore you should not bear grudges towards them.
To find straying practitioners, I suggest sending righteous thoughts before leaving to eliminate the thought karma and old forces who will use these elements to create interference. It is best to send righteous thoughts directed at the person in a group for a period of time. When clarifying the truth to the practitioner, one must eliminate interference with righteous thoughts. If you are not successful the first time, another practitioner can take his turn to do it. Don't give up easily. As long as we have righteous thoughts, every attempt has an effect.
In the process of returning to the Fa, the practitioner who has strayed should also realize that the thoughts that prevented you from going back are actually not from your true self. They are the result of that black karmic field. You should remain steadfast. Having a firm belief in Dafa is in fact eliminating the karma but because this substance truly exists, one needs to go through a difficult period of cultivation in order to completely eliminate it. In the process, try to maintain righteous thoughts regardless of whether you feel the effects of Fa study or doing the exercises. During this time, other practitioners should also try to find time to study the Fa with the practitioner and send righteous thoughts to help rectify his field as soon as possible. In fact, this is when they need our help the most. If the practitioner has recurring negative thoughts, try to be kind towards them because indeed, it takes time to return to the Fa.
Fellow practitioners, please kindly point out if there is anything inappropriate.