(Minghui.org) I have a low tolerance for others' shortcomings, even though I have cultivated for over 10 years. There are always unbearable incidents that happen, and my process of improving xinxing is quite dramatic due to my strong competitiveness. I only try to tolerate when there is no way out. I am reluctant to tolerate the mistakes of others. Conflicts seem to happen every couple of days.
I also have trouble in teamwork since I always see unbearable problems. Other practitioners do not hear my opinions due to my negativity. Sometimes I wonder if I am really suitable for teamwork, and whether I should just be alone for a while.
Some projects need writers, and I am good at writing. So I decided to focus on writing, thinking that this environment would be quiet and trouble-free. However, although there were no more conflicts, it became difficult to discipline myself. I started having problems getting up early for the morning exercises.
It gradually became hard to finish a full set of exercises each day. Ideas for articles might come to me at their own timing. Sometimes I thought for a long time without any clue. Sometimes I was full of ideas even during bed time. I had to get up in the middle of the night and start writing. Sometimes I stayed up the whole night to finish an article, and then went to work.
It is not as difficult as clarifying the truth face to face outdoors, but it is not as easy as just typing on the keyboard. I also had to spend a lot of time searching for references for articles. It was hard to create a time table for writing, so I did not have a fixed time for Fa study or doing the exercises. I very much liked to join the morning exercise group, but I was not able to continue for more than a few days in a row. Finally I realized that I had a xinxing problem.
I enlightened to the following during Fa study: I am unable to tolerate others and I distance myself from practitioners I deem problematic, as if the problems will be solved as long as I do not see these practitioners again. To break through, I must cultivate compassion and expand my tolerance. The process of helping others to correct their mistakes is also an opportunity for me to improve myself.
I usually defend myself by focusing on others' mistakes when I look inward. Master teaches us to be selfless. I spend time everyday now to completely eliminate the selfishness in my mind and all selfish notions.
When I now see problems, I first think about responsibility. Every practitioner is responsible for fixing one another's mistakes. Even if I am not able to do it, I should still eliminate the interference with righteous thoughts and help practitioners improve.
We are all particles of the Fa, so we should unconditionally keep an eye on the big picture. My personal preference is an attachment for me to get rid of. The Fa should always be my guide. As long as I follow what Master teaches us, there is no need to let others know what I have done. Master knows me.
I have removed my attachments to others' acknowledgment or endorsement. If I talk too much, I can easily end up showing off. Good or bad comments from others may cause attachments. Handling things well without making too much noise is the best.
Once I became clear on the Fa, the problems went away. I am now able to get up early for morning exercises. I even had a dream that Master gave me new feet. I thought that maybe I was too lazy before, so Master gave me new feet so that I could move faster in cultivation.
Before the persecution, our cultivation environment was very simple. People all came to improve themselves. Now we have to re-create the environment. The persecution made our circle complicated. Practitioners came with all kinds of goals. Some are true practitioners, and some do not truly cultivate themselves. Others gave up the practice and then came back.
There are also spies and traitors. Some of them are even worse than ordinary people. We have to cultivate ourselves in this complicated environment. The evil is watching us closely. Saving sentient beings requires us to seize every second. There is no compromise in each step of our improvement. Any selfish thought could cause lots of trouble. The more we let go selfishness, the more wisdom we gain.