(Minghui.org) I started to genuinely practice Falun Dafa in September 2013. I have benefited a lot both physically and mentally and experienced the wonderfulness of Falun Dafa. This has reinforced my determination in cultivation. Actually, I am not a new practitioner.
When I returned home during school holidays in 1999, my mother was practicing Falun Gong (also called Falun Dafa), which was introduced to her by one of our relatives. They said that Falun Gong had amazing health benefits and healing effects.
My mother asked me to practice with her, so I listened to her, and read the books and practiced the exercises. I realized that what the books said was good, but I was not really touched. This might have been because my karma was huge and the timing was not right for me. I regarded reading the books and doing the exercises as a daily task. I could understand every word of the book Zhuan Falun, but could not grasp the meaning. I could not let go of many of my attachments, such as comfort, laziness, fear, and all sorts of desires. When the persecution of Falun Gong started on July 20, 1999, I gave up the practice.
Though I gave up Dafa for 14 years, I wasn't totally removed from the Dafa environment, because my mother was a determined cultivator. During the first several years, whenever Master’s new articles were published, she passed them on to me. I felt ashamed of myself and had some fear every time I read a new article, because I was a person who had obtained yet abandoned the Fa. I helped my mother only occasionally with some Dafa-related work. I became an ordinary person who was driven by all sorts of ordinary desires, and lived my life helplessly and in fear of losing my interests in everyday society.
A physical examination in April 2013 showed that I had a benign lump in my right ovary. The doctor suggested that I have it removed. I was hospitalized in April but didn’t tell my mother. I thought it was only a small surgery, but unexpectedly it turned out to be ovarian cancer.
My ovaries and uterus were removed and no one knew what would happen to me next. After the surgery, I started wondering what I should do. My child was only four years old and my husband was still young. I didn't want to be a burden to them, so I wanted to divorce my husband. The next day my mother visited me in the hospital. She brought me Master's lectures in audio format, and said that only Master could save me. I didn't listen to her and neither did I have the intention to cultivate, but I listened to the lectures.
My mother tried to persuade me to begin cultivating again several times. She also persuaded my husband to let me practice, but I didn't enlighten. I told her that I wouldn't practice until I had completed six cycles of chemotherapy. She tried to persuade me again and again, but I still didn't listen. Finally, she asked me to listen to Master's lectures and read the books as much as I could. So I didn't practice Dafa until I had finished the chemotherapy.
I started practicing Falun Gong in September 2013, and my mind and body went through a big change. I could hardly walk right after the chemotherapy, but after cultivating for a while I could walk for thirty minutes without any problems, and my body began feeling very light. The colitis I had suffered from for five years disappeared, and I could drink cold water and eat cold fruits.
The serious insomnia I had suffered from also disappeared, and my premature ventricular heartbeats became infrequent. I no longer suffered from depression, but instead felt comfortable and joyful every day. I was reborn in Dafa. Master saved me with his boundless compassion.
I was psychologically burdened, and could not stop thinking about my illness when I first started practicing Falun Gong. I tried to encourage myself and rectify myself in the Fa, but I was still obsessed with the illness. I continued suffering from insomnia, and sometimes could only sleep for four hours per night, and could sometimes not sleep for several days and nights in a row. I had to take sleeping pills, but regretted it afterward.
I sometimes cried in the middle of the night, because I felt sorry for myself, and I didn’t know how to sleep. I couldn't help myself, and it seemed that no one else could help me. I nearly collapsed mentally. Master saw that I was not enlightening so he gave me hints. It was a miraculous experience.
One day I didn’t want to open an article, but somehow I did. When I finished reading the article, I realized that Master had given me hints. I subsequently felt that I no longer had any diseases. I was suddenly relieved and no longer depressed. I was delighted and happy. I thanked Master immediately and called my mother to tell her that I was very happy, and had started to understand things.
After cultivating for several months, I realized that Master had arranged my cultivation path in fine detail and perfect order. Master didn’t arrange tests of dissolving sickness karma for me immediately, because I was very weak and couldn’t even sit up long after the chemotherapy. I was very relaxed during the first three months of my cultivation and didn’t feel uncomfortable.
My physical body gradually recovered. On the fourth month of my cultivation, I experienced sickness karma for the first time. Like Master said in Zhuan Falun , I felt cold and sore all over my body. I had a headache and a fever, and couldn’t sleep at all one night. After this sleepless night, I miraculously recovered from my insomnia!
The next day I asked my mother to come visit me and send forth righteous thoughts for me. She encouraged me and asked me to listen to Master’s lectures and practice the exercises as often as I could. She encouraged me to be diligent in cultivation before she left. I was afraid of getting up at first, but eventually I got up and practiced the exercises with much difficulty. The next day I felt much better.
I had tests of sickness karma every day from that day on. I had a toothache one day and gum pain the next. I sometimes had a sore throat, and at other times I had parotid pain or a runny nose. Every symptom lasted one or two days. I had sickness karma for nearly a month. Then the second cycle of tests came. I had a cold, fever and cough, and my body was sore all the time. This lasted for over ten days before I recovered from all the symptoms. Then the third cycle of tests came. On the new year of 2014, I had this thought in my mind, “Master, I don’t want my relatives and friends coming to see me when I am in the process of dissolving karma.” Two months later my tests of sickness karma were gone.
During the three cycles of tests, I felt better and better, and the karma was gradually reduced. After the new year, when my relatives left my home, I started a fourth cycle of tests. I coughed for several days and then stopped.
I came to understand Master's compassionate arrangement for me from the four cycles of dissolving karma tests.
I was a practitioner with poor enlightenment quality. Though I believed in God, Buddha, and Dafa, I had some doubts in my mind. (I later discovered this was the result of CCP culture and my thought karma.) I didn't believe what I hadn't experienced personally, and I didn't fully believe in Master and the Fa. I was not able to let go of my doubts, and I became anxious. Master didn't give up on me however. Master let me experience the wonderfulness of Dafa, which reinforced my confidence.
For example, a couple of days after I passed the first sickness karma test, I was able to keep my mind empty for some time. During the whole time that I was sitting in meditation, I felt that the air was buoyant, my hands light and comfortable, and my arms felt like they were floating up. I was very excited and fell in love with meditation.
One day during the second cycle of tests, when I was sitting in meditation, I felt very serene. I wasn't able to move, nor did I want to move. It was very comfortable. Later, I could not even feel the existence of my fingers, as if they weren't there. After I finished the meditation, I was very excited and said to my mother, “What is written in the Dafa books is true. I could not feel my fingers, as though they didn’t exist.”
On another occasion after I passed a xinxing test, I felt very calm in my mind when I was doing the sitting meditation at midnight. I couldn’t think of anything and I didn’t want to think. My entire body was bathed in strong energy, and I felt very comfortable and secure. This greatly encouraged me and inspired me, though to many veteran practitioners this kind of experience was not worth mentioning. From then on I liked cultivation more and more.
My wish to step out to validate the Fa and save sentient beings strengthened after I studied Master’s lectures more. I bought an ink-jet printer in December, and downloaded some informational materials about Falun Gong and the persecution from the Minghui website. I gave them to my mother to distribute. I also posted some letters and put up sticky posters on the streets.
I didn’t do well at all in clarifying the truth face to face. I had strong fear, and was afraid of losing face in front of other people and being laughed at. I was afraid that people would not believe what I told them. One day I clarified the truth to a friend, but hadn’t prepared well beforehand and didn’t have ample righteous thoughts. I had strong human notions. I thought she respected me and believed in me, and was confident she would quit the CCP. On the contrary, she didn’t listen to me and left. I felt that I had lost face, and didn’t feel comfortable when I was with her after that.
I looked within, and after reading experience sharing articles on the Minghui website, I realized that it was because of me that she was not touched. I had a strong heart to validate myself and to do more things. I hadn’t studied the Fa well, was not in a calm state, and my righteous thoughts were not strong enough. When I talked to her, I was not confident and didn’t explain everything in detail. How could I effectively clarify the truth in this state?
I studied the Fa more from then on and cultivated myself solidly, so that I could save more sentient beings.
I started to make Shen Yun DVDs after the new year of 2014. I hoped that more people could see this world-class show.
I have been cultivating in Dafa for six months, and I still need to improve myself in many aspects. I still have many human attachments, and bad thoughts and notions. Master sometimes gives me hints to show me that I haven’t done well. Yet, I still havn’t done well enough. I am sorry Master. I will be more diligent, study the Fa more, and practice the exercises more. I will try my best to improve my xinxing, do the three things well, and try to be worthy of the title “Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple.”