(Minghui.org) I was fortunate to be introduced to Falun Dafa at the beginning of 1998. At that time, our family had little money and we even owed others money. Needless to say, the relationship between my husband and me was very tense. He vented his frustration by either beating me or yelling at me all the time, and he frequently threw our few possessions around.
He refused to spend the money he made on necessities for our family. I had no idea how much money he earned, and he did not allow me to ask. He often gambled and borrowed money when he ran out. He would also go out with other women. I was very angry but I dared not say anything. I often cried and felt that life was both painful and exhausting. I thought about committing suicide a few times, but when I looked at my young children, I did not want to leave them. So I secretly planned to have the children marry young and then I would leave my husband.
In 1998, both of my children married. Everyone said that I had survived and my suffering was over. But I gave up the idea of divorce. Why? Because I began practicing Falun Dafa. Through studying the Fa, I understood why I suffered so much and why my husband treated me so badly. It was all caused by karma and I had to repay what I owed. After I read Zhuan Falun the first time, I felt that this was a precious book. I had never heard the principles in the book before. With every fiber of my being I thought: "I will listen to Master, cultivate well, and be a good and truly noble person."
Although I gave up the idea of divorce, my resentment for my husband was still intense. This resentment was like a big stone pressing on my heart, and the hatred and grievance were like dark clouds hovering over me. My husband was still going off to gamble and wouldn't come home until night. In order to support us I worked from morning to night. I also had to pay off his gambling debts. Nevertheless, he was still not satisfied and he usually found something to yell at me about.
He threw and smashed all the valuable things in our home. After seeing him in a rage again, my close friends and neighbors often told me, "It will come to a bad end if you stay with him! Divorce him as soon as possible!" But I always thought that I could not divorce because I'm a cultivator and should be a good person according to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I would study and memorize the Fa whenever I had time and searched for an answer in the Fa. Whenever I encountered a problem, I would remember,
"Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator. "“("What is Forbearance (Ren)?" in Essentials For Further Advancement)
“For a cultivator, all the frustrations he comes across among everyday people are trials, and all the compliments he receives are tests.” ("A Cultivator is Naturally Part of It" in Essentials For Further Advancement)
Master's words were the keys that opened the locks in my heart. I no longer hated my husband like I did before. My tone and attitude when I talked to him changed. I took care of his needs. He also changed and became calmer.
While I was at work in June 2011, my son called and said that he missed me, so he was coming to see me. I asked him not to come because I was very busy, but he came anyway. When he and I got home, a shocking scene greeted us. My husband was in bed with a young woman who looked about 20 years younger than he!
The only thing my husband had to say was, "Why are you back?" Instead of being angry, I felt sad for him. I said, "Lust is the worst of all sins. You still do something like this at your age. Aren't you heading for hell? I really don't want to see anything bad happen to you." My husband got scared and told that woman to put her clothes on and leave. I said, "Don't leave yet, and don't be afraid. I knew about your affair years ago. You have a husband and a daughter, and you're so young. You can't keep doing this because it's not good for you!
"If it was someone else's husband you were fooling around with, what would the consequences be?" I let her leave when I was done talking. My son held me and cried, "Oh, Mom! This is so sad, so pathetic."
Afterward the children kept asking me to get a divorce. My daughter said, "Dad never treated you like a person. It's unacceptable and outrageous. Mom, you should leave him!" My son said, "We will take care of Dad. You don't need to worry about him." I told them, "It's all because I didn't do well." However, I was not sure where I hadn't done well.
Through repeatedly studying Master's lectures given at Fa conferences, my xinxing upgraded very fast. I also joined the local group Fa study and compared my cultivation state with fellow practitioners'. I learned to look at myself and cultivate within. Master said, "For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference”)
I began to look within and use this magical tool as a guide and use the Fa's standards to correct my every word, action, idea, and thought. By continuously looking within and cultivating myself, the iceberg between my husband and myself started to melt. No matter how rude or harsh he was to me, I was determined not to hate him anymore.
In the spring of 2012, my mother came to my home to help me take care of the children at a home I ran for students near a school. One day my son called me and mentioned the issue of alimony for our grandson, because my husband did not agree to offer alimony. I said to my son that it should be given. My husband was listening behind my back.
He got very angry and said that my son and I were going against him and refused to listen to him. I told him about the principles of Falun Dafa, but he would not listen. He beat me in front of my mother. My 80-year-old mother got very angry when she saw this and asked him, "What did my daughter do wrong that made you beat her? Isn't that just like beating me?" He said that my mother was defending me, then threw down and smashed the LCD television, computer, and thermos bottle I had just bought.
My mother became extremely sad. She asked me, "If he treats you like this in front of your mother, how does he treat you when I'm not around?" I said, "It's all my fault. I didn't do well." I then talked about the times when he was respectful of her and his mother.
I couldn't fall asleep that night. What happened in the past kept coming to my mind. I asked myself, "Are you a Dafa disciple? You've cultivated for over 10 years. Why is it still like this? Whose fault is it?" This time I suddenly remembered Master's words:
"As a cultivatorOne always looks for one’s own faults’Tis the Way to get rid of attachments most effectivelyThere’s no way to skip ordeals, big or small[During a conflict, if you can remember:]He’s right,And I’m wrong,'What’s to dispute?"(“Who's Right, Who's Wrong” in Hong Yin (III))
I suddenly enlightened. I said in my heart, "Master, it's my fault, my fault." When I woke up the next morning, it seemed that nothing had happened. I did whatever should be done. I cooked his favorite food for him, washed his dirty clothes, and talked with him.
In the past when his health wasn't good and he was in pain, he would complain to me. I wouldn't say anything aloud, but in my heart I would think, “You've done too many bad things and this is karma. Be in pain.” I still had resentment. I felt differently now. I felt that he was so pathetic when I saw him sick and in pain.
One day in the spring of 2013, he started shouting again over something inconsequential. He burned a bag of his own clothes. He pointed at me and said that marrying me was the thing that he regretted most in this life, that he would have lived a good life without me. I thought it was funny that it was he who was not letting me live a good life, but he was saying the opposite. When this thought flashed through in my mind, I suddenly realized: “This is resentment.” I didn't want this resentment. I needed to cultivate out of this resentment.
The next day he said that he hurt all over and that it was very serious. I took him to see the doctor. On the way home, I talked to my husband about the beauty of Dafa, “with one person practicing, the whole family benefits.” ("Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference in Australia") He said he was very relieved, as if a great burden had been lifted off his shoulders. Later his health improved greatly. I forgot about the conflicts from before and took care of him even better. We no longer talked about what happened in the past. I was changing gradually. He was also changing.
My compassion touched him and let him see the difference between a Dafa disciple and an ordinary person. I also often heard compliments from him, which had never happened before.
Last year during a discussion with a fellow practitioner, she said that, because she did not cultivate her speech when talking to her husband, her teeth got loose and also hurt sometimes. I realized this fellow practitioner is my mirror, so I should look within. I started searching within myself. My teeth also hurt sometimes. Did I also have problems with not cultivating speech? After searching, I found it.
After so many years, I had cultivated away much of my resentment towards my husband. But when conflicts flared, I would remember the past and my resentment would pop up. I would complain to friends and children about his shortcomings, so I could release my feelings.
Because of this, my relatives and children all hated him. How could he not react if everyone hated him? I always said that I did not do well and it was all my fault but I did not bother to look for where I hadn't done well or made a mistake. I found the root this time. I said to Master, "I'm wrong! I'm wrong!" It was really me who did not do well. We Dafa disciples cultivate according to the highest characteristics of the universe, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, so we do not have hatred. Once I enlightened, Master removed a stubborn stone from me. Suddenly, I felt my heart cleansed and body transparent. I felt very happy!
I hadn't spoken to my husband's two sisters, two brothers, or his other relatives for years because of the tense relationship between him and me. After I improved, I contacted them and visited them with him. I brought them gifts and clarified the truth to them and asked them to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations. They all understood and quit. They also told my husband that he was fortunate to have a wife who was so devoted and that he should treasure me. My husband was very happy and said that it was his fault and that he had not treated me well.
Sometimes his friends come to our home. I always treat them as people who've come to me to be saved. I tell them the truth, the beauty of Dafa, about the approaching disasters, and the reason to quit the Party. My husband also helps me talk about it and tells them how I changed after I began practicing Falun Dafa.
When I changed, our family changed as well. Our children watched our home, which was once filled with non-stop battles, become more and more peaceful. I no longer have to do all the housework, no one is picky about the food, and all of the unhappiness of the past is gone.
My daughter often asks about the situation at home, and I tell her not to worry. The things that happened in the past will not happen again. Everything has changed. My husband is happy every day. I work every day, so he prepares food and waits for me. All of his bad behavior has stopped. On my side, when there are things to solve, I discuss it with him, ask for his opinion, respect him, and trust him.
My daughter also noticed the positive changes in me before and after I started cultivating Dafa. With great emotion, she said, "Only Dafa can change people!" Last year, my daughter and son-in-law also started cultivating.
After 17 years of cultivation, my greatest feeling is: Only through cultivating inward and looking within can everything be changed. That is what Master wants. What is in the past has completely passed. Fellow practitioners asked me to write this experience, so it took me a few days to remember everything. I hope that it will help fellow practitioners who've had similar experiences.
Within this limited time, I will definitely fulfill my vow and do the three things to be worthy of Master's compassionate and painstaking salvation! Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!