(Minghui.org) Master said:
“The issue of jealousy is very serious as it directly involves the matter of whether you can complete cultivation practice. If jealousy is not abolished, everything that you have cultivated will become fragile. There is this rule: If in the course of cultivation practice jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Right Fruit—absolutely not.” (Zhuan Falun)
“A wicked person is born of jealousy. Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.”(“Realms” in Essentials for Further Advancement)
I am an advertisement sales person working for a media company founded by Falun Dafa practitioners. Each sales person on our team has an assigned quota. Each person's sales performance is emailed to the manager and the entire team daily, which puts me under a lot of pressure.
I noticed recently that I wasn't happy about fellow practitioners signing deals, while I wasn't. I came up with all sort of reasons why I didn't get any orders. I even wished that other practitioners wouldn't get orders, either!
I was taken aback by this thought. I have cultivated for so many years; how could I still have such bad thoughts? I realized that it was jealousy. Jealousy is the root cause of all wickedness. I am determined to root out jealousy in my dimensions.
I have always excelled in everything and when I was growing up I was praised often. As a result, I have a strong attachment to reputation, vanity, and I am attached to compliments.
I have always been in positions of managing others, including in my everyday work. People consider me a successful career woman and I am used to others listening to me and respecting me.
However, I have noticed that my jealousy surfaces when others do not accept my opinion, look down on me, or are disrespectful towards me.
I had worked briefly with another practitioner on our media team. But we couldn't cooperate well, so we stopped working together. Merely thinking of her name made me angry. When I saw her getting an order, I felt uneasy. I even wished that she couldn't sign any deals and would be fired as a result.
Why do I hate her so much? She had bad-mouthed me to our team leader a couple of times, and I was criticized at those times. She cut me off several times and sent out conflicting messages in front of customers. She always rejected my suggestions. I felt angry and resentful toward her. I didn't want to work with her and hoped she would not do well.
Master said,
“Some practitioners follow human thinking as they go about validating the Fa, and in the process satisfy a wish to do what they enjoy. When their ideas are not adopted or when their shortcomings are pointed out, they become resentful and even have no scruples about doing wrongful things, and very much reveal that only by causing disruption can they vent their hatred. All of this goes directly against my requirement that Dafa disciples cooperate well with each other, validate the Fa, and save sentient beings. When those kinds of human-thinking-born attachments drive you to align with the opposing side in your actions or on some particular matter, is that the conduct of a Dafa student? Isn’t that precisely doing what the evil wants done?” (“Be Vigilant” from The Essentials of Diligent Progress, Vol. III)
I was shocked upon reading this. Whatever I do under the influence of jealousy was the same as what the evil wants done.
Lately, my husband often dozes off when sending forth righteous thoughts, studying the Fa or doing the sitting meditation. When he does, I become very angry with him.
Once, I saw him dozing off again, just as I was about to walk out the door for an appointment with a customer. I became furious. My whole body was shaking, I had chest pains, and my legs became weak. I wasn't able to see my customer as a result. My words to him were full of hatred, but I thought I was helping him.
That night, I dreamed of a monster with a big, bloody mouth biting a small animal. I realized that the words I spoke in anger did not help my husband, but only hurt him.
I pick on other people's shortcomings. Instead of examining myself based on the Fa, I use my understanding of the Fa to judge fellow practitioners. When a fellow practitioner did not meet my standard, I became angry. I yell and complain. I even tell others about his/her shortcomings, hoping that the entire group will criticize him/her too.
Am I any different from the old forces when I am scornful of fellow practitioners? The old forces use their standard to judge practitioners because they feel jealous because they cannot become Dafa disciples. So they persecute Dafa disciples.
When we don't eliminate our jealousy, we are not negating the old forces' arrangements. Like Master said, we actually aid the old forces in persecuting fellow practitioners.
I realized that jealousy causes the feeling of unfairness and resentment. When I felt uneasy and angry, jealousy had started to control me.
I have worked with several fellow practitioners in this media company over the past year. But, I always ended up quarreling with them because of my jealousy. I felt that fellow practitioners were not as good as I was, so I didn't want to be instructed by them. I also felt they were looking down on me, so I became upset. Our relationship deteriorated.
I also noticed that I expect fellow practitioners who had joined the company earlier than I did to follow a higher standard. And of course, they should help me. However, I was not grateful for their help, and I was unhappy when they didn't meet my expectations.
When I watched the video of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Partyrecently, I noticed that my posture, movement and the expression in my eyes looked very much like that of people who were brainwashed and controlled by the evil party.
Even when I was helping a fellow practitioner, it was as if I was publicly denouncing the person. I also believe that the root of the evil party is jealousy.
Master said,
“A lot of people have asked me, and a lot of people have asked my disciples this too: what's the true reason for this persecution? Just a buffoon's jealousy. Since it has power it's able to do something like this. That might sound pretty ridiculous, or maybe hard to believe--how could something like this happen to mankind, right? But it really has happened. This persecution has happened, as absurd as it may be, due to that buffoon being driven by its twisted jealousy. That's exactly the reason.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.”)
We are allowing the evil party culture to exist if we don't get rid of jealousy. The old forces will use it as an excuse to control us, and we end up doing the opposite of what Master and the Fa requires of us.
I believe that the root of jealousy is selfishness and arrogance. When I feel that I am better than others, when I feel that my reputation, self-interest and feelings are hurt, I know that jealousy is about to cause trouble.
I need to be mindful of every single thought and sent forth righteous thoughts when I feel resentful, uneasy, or want to complain about others. I also need to dig out the attachments that caused the jealousy and eliminate them.
Please point out anything in my sharing that is not aligned with the Fa.