(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Gong in 1996. Although I had been studying the Fa, doing the exercises every day, sending forth righteous thoughts, and trying to save people, my cultivation path was still not smooth. Then I realized that I had not taken cultivation seriously, nor had I been able to relinquish my human attachments to completely change myself.
For a long time I had been complacent in cultivation. However, I did not want to eliminate that attachment because I often heard fellow practitioners praising me.
Recently, I was taken to the emergency room because of some serious sickness karma. I realized that I must have loopholes in my cultivation for this to happen. After looking within, and with the help of fellow practitioners, I found several superficial human notions.
Where was my most serious loophole? I was confused, unhappy, and ashamed that I could not find my fundamental attachments. My health also did not improve.
While I was half-awake and half-asleep one day, an image of a thick bamboo shoot appeared in front of me. I woke up and knew it was a hint from Master: I needed to peel off the layers of the bamboo all the way to its core.
At that time, I was fond of reading prophecies on the Internet and was attached to when the persecution would end. I longed for the arrival of the second stage of Fa-rectification, so I would not have to endure further trials and tribulations.
When anything happened, my initial thought was not that of a Falun Gong practitioner. I could sometimes correct my thoughts, but other times, I would run into major roadblocks before I saw any mistakes. What had I really done in all these years of cultivation? Did I truly assimilate to the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance? Did I really let go of selfishness?
Painfully, I realized that I had not cultivated myself. All I had done in the past was be motivated by a sense of accomplishing tasks. Despite my effort in studying the Fa, I had not gained a deeper understanding. My effort in sending forth righteous thoughts, as well, was not very effective, and I could not do my best in clarifying the facts to people.
I suddenly gained a new understanding that Master did not just tell us to step forward just to tell people about Falun Gong, but to also step out of our humanness. Genuine cultivation is about eliminating human notions and attachments.
I felt a shock go through my body. I knew what to do, and my xinxing began to rise. For many years, I could not get rid of the resentment I felt towards someone. I can now say that this is no longer the case. When I sent righteous thoughts, I apologized to that person’s primordial spirit. I felt grateful for the tribulations she had caused me in the past.
The sickness karma that was bothering me then disappeared.
I would like to tell fellow practitioners who are suffering from sickness karma: “While assisting Master to save people, we must look for our own attachments and let go of them. You will then feel the difference.”