(Minghui.org) I was found to be pregnant in mid-2012, which should have been great news. However, we already had an 8-year-old daughter and a 13-month-old son. What to do? If I kept the baby, I would be under a lot of pressure raising three kids. If I got an abortion, it would be considered killing, which is against the Fa.
I was in a state of anxiety. I did not want to study the Fa, go to work or send righteous thoughts. All I wanted was to sleep.
Before long, a number of symptoms of early pregnancy began to bother me. July in Guangdong is very hot. Yet, I was freezing and needed comforters to stay warm.
On top of all the physical discomfort, the pressure my mother-in-law put on me was even more unbearable. I actually leaned towards keeping the baby. With the help of other practitioners and my practitioner husband's insistence, I firmed up my decision to keep the baby.
My mother-in-law was extremely irritated by my decision, and thus badmouthed me. She cursed Dafa and blamed me for being brainwashed. I tried to explain, which only made it worse. My daughter told me in front of the entire family that no one wanted to see me anymore. I knew she heard this from my mother-in-law.
My mother-in-law continued to spread rumors about me to my parents family and friends. I told another practitioner with a forced smile, “My mother-in-law had a press conference about her daughter-in-law being ugly, wicked and unworthy.”
My mother-in-law didn't stay long before she returned to the countryside. I quit my job to take care of my kids and do the house chores. I was too busy to notice my physical discomfort, but I was happy because I did not have an abortion and violated the Fa. However, my mother-in-law and I did not get along at all.
When I shared my understanding of the situation with my husband, I suddenly became emotional and began to blame my mother-in-law. All my husband said, “You bear resentment.” I was astonished, “Really? I never noticed it.”
I looked inside and realized that I did have resentment in my heart, because why wouldn't I otherwise give my mother-in-law a call and say hello? And when I heard she did not feel well, why did I feel some joy? Indeed, I did resent her because she spread rumors about me, and I hated her for hurting me with harsh language and turning my daughter against me. I discovered so many bad thoughts of mine.
Master said,
“If we encounter these problems, we should not compete and fight like others. If you do what that person did, aren’t you an ordinary person? Not only should you not compete and fight like him, but also you should not resent that person in your heart. Really, you should not hate that person. If you hate that person, aren’t you upset? You have not followed forbearance. We practice Zhen-Shan-Ren, and you would have even less compassion so to speak of. So you should not be like him or become really upset with him, despite his putting you in this awful situation where you cannot even raise your head. Instead of being angry with him, you should thank him in your heart and thank him sincerely.” (“Lecture Four” in Zhuan Falun)
I really regretted my bad thoughts and called my mother-in-law to apologize. She could feel my sincerity, and she told me that I did forbear when she yelled at me on the phone a couple of days ago. I told her that I would not mind if she vented her frustrations, because I practice Falun Dafa.
When I looked within, I found many attachments. I was not considerate of others and only paid attention to my own feelings. I was still attached to lust and desire, and did not want to lose face when people found out that I expected my third child. There were still more attachments that were hidden deep within my heart. However after I found these attachments, my heart lightened, and a shell that surrounded my body was removed.
My third child was born in April 2013. He was very chubby and had particularly large earlobes. In China, large earlobes imply divine predestined relationships and blessings.
My in-laws came to visit us at the end of September. My father-in-law said, the moment he saw me at the door, he knew that I had let go of our past conflicts. My mother-in-law sometimes criticized me in front of others again while they visited us, but I held my tongue. However, I have not achieved the state of an Arhat.
Master said,
“He does not care at all in his heart for any ordinary human matter, and he will always be smiling and in good spirits. No matter how much loss he suffers, he will still be smiling and in good spirits without any concern.” (“Lecture Nine” in Zhuan Falun)
I endured and looked inside. It took a couple of hours before I was able to handle my mother-in-law's needling without resentment. I regret that my shortcomings had caused her to generate new karma
My mother-in-law left in May 2014. She praised me in front of her son, daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren and said that I was really nice.
This was the first time I heard her say this. In the past, I did things in the hopes that she would praise me, but she did not. This time I did things for her own good. I was considerate of her so she would generate less karma and have a chance to be a part of Dafa, because this was her true purpose of coming to this world!
The relationship between us is now very harmonious. My neighbors said that I deserve a model family award.
Looking inside is wonderful, it broadens my heart. Practicing Dafa is wonderful.