(Minghui.org)
Greetings Revered Master! Greetings Fellow Practitioners!
I have been practicing Falun Dafa for 19 years. I would like to take this opportunity to share my cultivation experience on how I balance my relationship with my family.
Before I started practicing, I had the final say in everything. I never considered things from the perspective of my wife or child.
Though I changed in other ways after I began practicing Falun Dafa, I still did not change much in this specific regard. Nobody was allowed to interfere with me when I was doing things to validate the Fa. And if anyone disrupted me, I reprimanded them loudly and told them that what I was doing was the most important.
My family could no longer put up with me after a while. They went out of their way to avoid me when they saw that I was at home. They were worried that they would be scolded if they accidentally interrupted me. So I was left alone and could do whatever I wanted to do without any interruptions. I thought that I was quite good.
As I studied the Fa more, I gradually realized that my cultivation state was wrong. I was not in the Fa; I was not validating the Fa. Instead, I was playing the opposite role.
Master said:
“I also want to tell you that your nature in the past was actually based on egotism and selfishness. From now on, whatever you do, you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism. So from now on, whatever you do or whatever you say, you must consider others—or even future generations—along with Dafa’s eternal stability.” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
I had been doing the opposite and not following the Fa principles; thus, I had not validated the Fa. Instead, I was validating my tough and harsh nature, which caused tension and discomfort in my family.
After I became aware of my problem, I paid more attention and behaved according to the Fa principles. However, Rome was not built in a day, and my home environment could not be rectified so instantly after my realization. I had to cultivate myself and look at things from other people's perspective. I had think about whether they could bear something or not.
Once, when local practitioners were going out to put up posters on the night before Falun Dafa Day on May 13, I waited until my wife went to bed. I had just quietly opened the door when she started shouting at me. “Are you going out?” she demanded. “I know you are going to do something because you were hanging around and didn't go to bed.”
Before, I would have yelled back at her. But this time I did not behave like that. I closed the door and sat beside her on the bed. I calmed myself down and spoke to her peacefully and patiently. “I am going to put up posters.”
She became anxious. “Please don't go. Let the other practitioners do it. You were just released from the detention center. It's very dangerous.”
“Even elderly ladies are going out,” I replied. “It is not right that a young man like me hide at home in bed. I know you have a good heart. Think about it: We shouldn't be like that.”
She hesitated and said that she would go with me. I told her that I would not force her, but she said that she was willing to go. She meant it. I was moved.
So we went out together. She put the glue on the wall and I put up the posters. When she became afraid, I tried to calm her down. “Don't be afraid. We are not doing anything wrong,” I said. “This is one way to let people know about the persecution. Just think, 'We are saving people and doing the most righteous thing in the world.' You will be at ease after that.”
My wife was soaked with sweat when we came home, but she said she felt happy. The next day when she burned incense to pay respect to Master, she said she saw Master when she closed her eyes. I realized that Master encouraged her for doing the things to validate the Fa— even though she was not a practitioner yet.
One night my wife was agitated in bed while I was studying the Fa. She was not able to sleep and asked if she could watch TV. She promised she would turn the sound down. I realized that my previous behavior made her anxious, and though I did not object to her watching TV, she felt pressure. I said that she could and that it would not bother me. Though there was noise from the TV, I remained very focused on studying the Fa because I was actually in the Fa this time.
When visitors came to our home, I would stop my Dafa work and chat with them. I would make it up after they left. If I disregarded these things (as I did before), my family would say that practitioners only care about their own things.
Due to the persecution, my family struggled financially. My wife was not able to buy any clothes for several years. So I lived frugally to save money for her. One day she saw something she liked. I told her to buy it, but she said that she would not. I insisted she buy it though we did not have much money. She was very happy and bought it.
I am very honest with my wife about money. I ask her first when I need money for Dafa work, and she is very supportive. When I make mistakes or do not do well, I apologize to her sincerely and tell her how I failed to follow the Fa principles to cultivate well. I assure her that I will pay more attention and do better in the future.
My wife knows that I am a kind person. She sees it in my words, expression, and tone. As a practitioner, I should be sincere, kind, and patient. Thus, my family has changed their attitudes towards Dafa and me after I rectified my behavior. They have come to support what I do and we started to get along very well.
One day when my wife was sound asleep, I thought about her. We Dafa practitioners are lucky that we obtained the Fa, but non-practitioners are still living in delusion. They have experienced fear and hardship during the persecution. In a way, they bear much more than we do.
It is a predestined relationship that our family members live with us. If we are compassionate and forgiving and consider things from their perspective, they will think that practitioners are good and Dafa is good. They will acknowledge and support us.
I enlightened that our family members came to help us validate the Fa. If we do not do well, they will not play the role they should and may even play the opposite role. My wife believes that Dafa is good. Though she has not started practicing, she helps me do Dafa work.
One day my wife went to her hometown for a gathering. I asked her to bring informational materials about Falun Dafa. She happily agreed, but she encountered problems distributing the materials.
She gave the first copy to a person who looked amiable. That person, however, refused it and badmouthed her. She was in an awkward position and was embarrassed in front of so many people. Suddenly, a person said loudly, “I want a copy. What's to fear? Please give it to me.” Then many people asked for a copy. Soon she had given out all the materials. The first person saw that everyone had one and asked for a copy, too.
I praised her when she told me the story. I said that I might not have done as well as she did. Actually, Master helped her complete the task.
My wife clarified the truth to her friends, relatives, and whomever she met. She told me that before clarifying the truth, she observes the person first. Some people were very stubborn but she managed to talk to them anyway.
My wife often burns incense to pay respect to Master. When she has problems, she asks for Master's help. She supports me in doing Dafa work in just about every single venture.
The relaxed family cultivation environment was formed, but not by my forcefulness. Because I have cultivated myself well, my family environment is harmonious.
Family members are easily polluted in today's environment, so we should keep them informed of the progress of Fa-rectification. When they know more, their righteous thoughts can increase, and they can resist the evil's interference and persecution to assist us in doing the three things better.
One night, local practitioners were going to distribute informational materials, but my wife did not let me go and said that I had to listen to her this time. I wondered why she had suddenly changed. Later, I learned that she heard the situation became intense recently, and she was afraid. I explained to her patiently and she finally agreed on my going out.
One day my wife said, “Other families buy apartments, cars, and travel everywhere; they live freely and comfortably.” I realized that my wife's understanding of Dafa was unstable at that time, so I talked to her about loss and gain and the principle of causal relationship. She understood.
With the progress of Fa-rectification, the wave of suing Jiang arrived. I told my wife that we were going to file lawsuits against Jiang Zemin. Yet, she asked me to wait for other practitioners to write them first. But I wrote it straight away. She was not upset but simply said that we were courageous that we dared to sue Jiang.
Our family members are closest to us and they immediately know when we do well or poorly in cultivation. Our every thought and action are references for future generations, so it is crucial that we cultivate well. Master asked us to walk our cultivation path righteously, so we should align our every thought and action with the Fa. We should not behave carelessly before them simply because they are our family members. Though our family members have not started to practice, they may be the elite of the next group of people to obtain the Fa.
Though every family is different, we should all follow the Fa principles with diligence. We should do so rationally and with wisdom, according to our individual situations.
I hope practitioners find my sharing beneficial. Please point out anything inappropriate. Heshi.