(Minghui.org) A practitioner's experience sharing article, “Waking Up and Learning to Cultivate,” caught my attention during the 2015 New York Fahui.
He said: “I was using Dafa for my own well-being, or to put it more directly, I was using Dafa like a medicine. When I studied the Fa, I was pursuing the clarity of mind and peacefulness that one feels after studying the Fa.”
Following the Fahui, I have been looking inside and pondering upon the fundamental purpose of my own cultivation practice. I wondered if I had the same issue of using Dafa to pursue peacefulness of mind. I questioned why I practiced cultivation and why I no longer cultivated as earnestly as when I first began. Then, by chance, I saw a verse in a practitioner's writing, in which he wrote, “Fame and fortune do not last.”
Immediately and for the first time, I became completely aware of a deeply hidden fundamental attachment.
I started practicing cultivation years ago because I found everyday people's things too uncertain and short-lived. I did not want to get stuck in the sentiments and troubles of ordinary people, such as joys, sorrows, partings and reunions, because these things are very painful; therefore, I wanted to remove my attachments to fame, fortune, and emotions to become tranquil, free, and graceful.
I realized that for a long time my cultivation practice was based on forsaking everyday people's things because they were not permanent, and I cannot take them with me. Following this logic, what I was after was tranquility, freedom, and gracefulness. In other words, instead of cultivating myself and removing my attachments based on altruism and saving sentient beings, I was cultivating myself to avoid harm caused by everyday people's fame, fortune, and emotion.
I see this as a manifestation of the old forces' selfishness, which is centered on personal relief. This is like using Dafa to achieve one's selfish goals. So my fundamental purpose of cultivation practice was not pure, and that explained why I had become passive and depressed over my years of practice—as time progressed, my determination to cultivate myself weakened, and my passion to "cultivate as if I was just starting" had disappeared.
Doing the three things thus became a chore to me, and I lacked a greater understanding that comes from the inner meanings of Dafa.
I only obtained a superficial understanding of the Fa and could not improve my understandings rationally. I was stuck in the lower levels of understandings of Dafa and held onto the good feelings of tranquility and freedom experienced after removing attachments. I received praise from everyday people and approval from fellow practitioners regarding Dafa projects, so I developed zealotry, vanity, and a showoff mentality. I gradually became attached to reputation.
I now understand that if one's fundamental attachments are not removed, new attachments will continue to develop and hinder one's cultivation practice. As soon as I realized my fundamental purpose of cultivation practice was not pure, I became clear about my mission. I felt my divine side strengthen, and my energy during sending forth righteous thoughts became very pure.
In my personal understanding, only when every second of our cultivation practice is centered around saving sentient beings and selflessness—and without a tiny bit of seeking reward through Dafa—can we make sense of what we do and have it empowered. Only then can we save people and live up to the title of Dafa Disciples.
Please kindly point out anything improper.