(Minghui.org) I was sharing with a practitioner after Fa study one time, and the other practitioner pointed out an issue I've always had. She was very straightforward and told me about this issue with no reservations.
“You study the Fa and do the exercises every day,” she said, “but as soon as you put down the books, you do things just as usual and don't follow the standards of a cultivator. It's very hard and takes lots of effort to adhere to what you are doing, but your xinxing doesn't improve. Then what is going to happen to you in the long run?”
I didn't say much, but what was going through my mind was, “I'm better than you, so how could you talk about me like that!”
I was low spirited for several days after I returned home. I couldn't focus when studying the Fa and I didn't do the exercises. My mind was full of resentment.
When I went back to talk to the practitioner, I said, “My cultivation situation right now has worsened, all because of your harsh words. What are you going to do now.”
“Go home to study the Fa,” she replied. “Master said, 'The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts.'” (“Drive Out Interference” in Essentials for Further Advancement II)
After listening to the practitioner's explanation and advice, I went back home and began to think about what cultivation really is. I studied Essentials for Further Advancement.
Something Master said really touched my heart:
“Only when you are studying the Fa and cultivating your heart and mind in addition to the means of reaching Consummation—the exercises, and truly changing yourself fundamentally while improving your xinxing and elevating your level—can it be called true cultivation practice.” (“What is Cultivation Practice?” in Essentials for Further Advancement)
I was awakened by Master's Fa and immediately understood the seriousness of cultivation. I was able to focus on studying the Fa, my hands no longer fell out of position when sending forth righteous thoughts, and the resentment I had towards that practitioner was gone.
I once read an experience sharing article about another practitioner who was a retired teacher. She always talked about Fa principles and always did well when doing things to save sentient beings. No matter the weather or how hard she had to work, she never complained.
The only thing was that when other practitioners gave her suggestions, she smiled, but thought, “I'm better than you, so how could you talk about me like that!” She did not know how to look inside, and eventually suffered serious interference from the old forces and passed away. I immediately realized that I was just the same, and even my words were the same!
What was deeply hidden behind this “smile, but I'm better than you” mentality? In ordinary life I was very stubborn, and people around me could often sense that I had a vicious streak and something not very compassionate.
After I got married, my husband often beat me and cursed at me for no reason. Moreover, he would not let me talk about it even though I was wronged. All that resentment was buried inside me and turned into cold and arrogant characteristics.
These bad substances remained in my mind and eventually became a false me. But I didn't realize it and thought it was the real me. When I was angry I often thought, “I'm just going to do what I want, and what can you do about it?” Due to this personality and mentality, when I said or did something, my husband at times thought he could react in no other way than with violence against me!
Master said:
“A wicked person is born of jealousy.Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.” ( “Realms” in Essentials for Further Advancement)
I realized that the root of this issue was a strong jealous mentality. All these years it was this mentality that prevented me from looking inward. It caused my xinxing to not improve as quickly as it should, and it harmed my family and other practitioners.
After finding the mentality of jealousy, I completely changed and I now have a deep feeling of happiness and joy!
Thank you, compassionate Master!