(Minghui.org) I experienced a karma-eliminating illness and was unable to work in April 2016. Pestered by friends and family, I went to a hospital and was told that more tests needed to be done, which required a hospital stay.
My husband had passed away many years ago and my son worked in another city, so I was alone. I called my youngest sister, who was a diligent Falun Dafa practitioner.
My sister and her husband came to see me and reminded me to believe in Master and the Fa. They also brought Master’s Fa-teachings and experience sharing articles. They helped to strengthen my righteous thoughts.
It had been nearly two years since I had lost interest in cultivation, and I wasn’t keeping up with the three things. I studied the Fa but got sleepy after only a few pages. Although I provided informational materials to fellow practitioners, I lacked enthusiasm to do much face-to-face truth clarification. I was not clear-headed when I sent forth righteous thoughts.
“Am I still a practitioner?” I asked myself. “Will Master still look after me, although I have not done well on my cultivation path?”
The test results showed that I had cervical cancer. The doctor advised more tests and surgery. After some internal struggle, I decided to be discharged from the hospital and continue doing the three things instead.
My sister, other practitioners, and I studied Zhuan Falun during the day and I studied Teaching the Fa at the Conference books I-XI in the evenings. I realized that I was far behind Master’s requirements and needed to catch up with the Fa-rectification.
Although I had obtained the Fa before the persecution began, I still felt like a new practitioner. As I strengthened my will to truly cultivate, Master began to purify my body about 10 days after I left the hospital.
I could only double-cross my legs for a very short time because of abdominal pain, and I had to study the Fa lying on my stomach. When the pain was hard to endure, I called on Master for help. When I looked at Master’s picture through my tears, he smiled at me. Master was encouraging me.
I kept reciting Master’s poem:
“A Great Enlightened One fears no hardshipHaving forged an adamantine willFree of attachment to living or dyingHe walks the path of Fa-rectificationconfident and poised” (“Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions” from Hong Yin Vol. II)
As soon as the pain eased, my sister read poems in Hong Yin Vol. II to strengthen my righteous thoughts. I read more of Master's poems, after which I no longer felt any pain.
When I looked within, I realized that I was attached to worldly things, which the old forces took advantage of. The illusion of illness was now trying to make me fail.
Human attachments to family, lust, jealousy, competitiveness, showing off, and dislike of criticism were still there. At a deeper level, I found that those attachments had arisen from human emotions.
Master taught us about maintaining purity:
“The moment someone goes wrong in this regard, all the gods in the heavens believe that you definitely must be struck down, for you absolutely cannot be approved of or recognized.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan”)
“You have disgraced Master, and you have disgraced Dafa disciples. That’s how grave the impact is.”(“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan”)
I felt deep remorse and great regret. I told Master that I had to get rid of emotion and lust, along with other human attachments, and thoroughly deny the persecution imposed by the old forces.
I was then lured by the promise of huge profits promoted by a platform on the internet. I invested in it to get rich. I could not calm down, which affected my cultivation.
Master said: “... whenever someone tells you how to gain something out in the ordinary world, that’s a demon.” (Zhuan Falun)
After reading Master's Fa, I withdrew my investment.
All sorts of human attachments, which should have been removed earlier, hindered me from being diligent in my cultivation. That prompted me to come up with the thought: “Thoroughly remove all those bad thoughts and ask Master to strengthen my righteous thoughts.” Whenever bad thoughts emerged, I recited in my heart, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good” to suppress them.
I studied the Fa for a month, but my health did not improve much. My abdominal pain bothered me several times a day and even interfered with my sleep. However, I did not feel sleepy during the day, although I sometimes slept only two hours a night.
One of my fellow practitioners, Ms. Liu, was quite adept at face-to-face truth clarification. We talked to people twice a week and were able to convince an average of 20 people to quit the Party and its affiliated organizations. We also went out three times a week, and sometimes more than 30 people would quit the Party.
Once, just before Ms. Liu and I left the house, my abdominal pain was really severe. I asked Master to help me, and by the time we walked out the door, the pain was gone. When the pain bothered me again, I recited, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” I also sent forth righteous thoughts and asked Master to help me.
Different people responded differently to our truth clarification. People who had heard the truth about Falun Gong in the past quit the Party without hesitating. When we came across those who misunderstood Falun Gong, we just remained calm and smiled.
During this period of face-to-face truth clarification, I let go of not wanting people to know that I practiced Falun Gong. It helped that I often met up with old acquaintances who listened to me and agreed to quit the Party.
This time was precious, as I could let go many of my attachments such as competitiveness, fear, saving face, and discrimination
Steadfast righteous thoughts came from intensive Fa-study.
When I was discharged from the hospital, I kept a package of painkillers in my handbag in case the pain got too bad. But as I deepened my Fa-study, I realized that this was my cunning notion that stemmed from Party indoctrination. I asked my sister to get rid of the painkillers and the doctor’s prescription.
I felt that only by immersing myself into the Fa could I really relax.
Master said:
“When disciples have ample righteous thoughtsMaster has the power to turn back the tide”(“The Master-Disciple Bond” from Hong Yin Vol. II)
Only by strengthening my righteous thoughts, looking within all the time, letting go of attachments, improving xinxing, and doing the three things well can I pass tests and overcome tribulations.