(Minghui.org) I have been practicing Falun Dafa for eight years. I would like to share with my fellow Western practitioners an experience that may be helpful to those who may face a similar situation.
The first few years I was a diligent practitioner. Later on, my human attachments surfaced more and more, and I justified many of my wishes and desires, and slowly drifted from the Fa.
Emotion, lust, and self-validation were the biggest obstacles in my cultivation path. It got to a point that I would not do the exercises for months, and I would only read the Fa now and then. My righteous thoughts were diminishing by the day, and I started feeling anxious and depressed and thought about quitting cultivation altogether. In this state of inaction, I was tormented for months.
I then decided I had to go to another country where there are more practitioners. I realized that I was failing by being alone and becoming extremely anxious. The fact that I could go to that country was something I chose to see as something that Master arranged, and that passively waiting for something to change was not the right way to proceed.
When I moved to the new country, I got the job I had wanted for a long time. It just so happens that my new job involves working with many Chinese people who have recently arrived from China. I realized immediately that this was Master’s arrangement, and in no way a coincidence. I was put there to raise their awareness about Falun Dafa and the persecution
I felt I was witnessing a great mercy. Even after being a very lazy practitioner, Teacher still knew that I had the Fa principles in my heart. I realized that there must be a predestined connection with these people and that Master arranged for me to be there, at that time and place, so that they could be saved.
I realized that my previous crisis in cultivation could have easily ruined all of these perfect arrangements. What if I had truly quit because I felt inadequate or guilty? I realized then that guilt was such an unnecessary and evil feeling, because it can completely ruin a practitioner and fool him into believing he is doing the “right” thing. Master does not give up on us! I thought: “Who knows for how many thousands of years Master has been watching over me and over them. If I had quit, all that work would have been in vain.”
My understanding was that the only reason why I was given a chance to work in that setting, with Chinese people, was to tell them the facts of Falun Dafa. No discussion. No further thinking. I fought all other thoughts. Then, in my heart I felt warmth. I had tears and felt the intricate connections tying me to these people. I felt they were my family.
A little later, human thoughts started appearing again. “But, what if my boss finds out that I am talking to them about Falun Dafa? The whole company could lose so much money if something goes wrong, and they could stop collaboration. What if I get fired? What if this, what if that…?”
Master has taught us about the purpose of the existence of the Three Realms. He has also taught us about who is allowed to be a human being in this period of time. I read the new Lunyu, and everything is so clearly stated. So, I asked myself… would there be anything in this world, in this universe, if it weren’t for Dafa? Which company or which jobs would exist? They were all created just as a platform for us to perform our duties. The surrounding is there so we can play the lead role. The work environment, or any other environment, is a supplementary thing, a tool, and not the leading factor in the life of a Falun Dafa practitioner.
I felt calmer. Then, another thought appeared in my mind, something along the lines of: “Even if I lose my job, I don’t care, because I did the right thing.” Immediately, it became clear to me that the old forces were playing more tricks. I felt an alarm go off in my head. They were using my emotions and zeal to create a gap to persecute me later, and I almost accepted their twisted arrangement in my thoughts.
The thought they projected in my mind seemed righteous on the surface, but, actually, I felt it was a trap. My awakened part of me asked: “Why should I lose my job? I am not doing anything wrong! I refuse this arrangement, because it is another form of persecution. The old forces are cunning and play tricks. I will not lose this environment for future truth clarification, because it, I, and everything else exist only because of Dafa.” I realized that the notions are putting up a fight, and then I sent righteous thoughts.
I decided I should ask this group out to dinner, as I believed I should tell them about Falun Dafa in a more relaxed setting. After dinner, when I first told them I was a practitioner, they were very interested and wanted to find out more about my experience.
They had already searched for information while they were in China, using different ways to avoid the internet censorship. One man even said, “We don’t believe in everything the government tells us, don’t worry.” They didn’t know many details about the practice, and had a lot of questions, but what amazed me the most was their openness and willingness to accept all the information I was telling them. I shared my experience from the heart, and it was just the most natural thing in the world.
After dinner, I realized that, as a Westerner, I had notions about “them.”
I was a little afraid of the potential reactions I could get from Chinese people. This made me really realize that we should truly not allow any notions to stop us from clarifying the truth, especially to Chinese people. We all know it is what we are here for, really. Deep down, we do know, but whether we choose to act on it is a different story. Fear and notions are fake constructs rooted in the notion of self-preservation; they should not be allowed to play the lead role.
In the past, I have lied to myself many times when I failed to clarify the truth to someone. But truly, I recognized it was ultimately because I wished to protect myself and my interests. However, we cannot run away from our true selves, nor from Master.
There was a second opportunity to clarify the truth to another group. There was some resistance in that group, especially from a woman who was influenced by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) propaganda. I fell into the trap of debating with her for a few minutes, but then I woke up and thought, “No, she does not have the right to poison more of their minds. We are here, in this room together so everyone can hear the truth about Dafa, even her. Nothing else, nothing more.”
I was more peaceful then and again spoke from the heart. One woman said she was a CCP member, and I said that I was not there to force her to do anything, but that I wanted to encourage her to listen to the other side of the story and to research on her own. I reminded them that they are in a country that does not restrict information about Falun Dafa, and encouraged them to contact me even later if they have any more questions.
This group reacted differently than the other one. They were a little shocked and reserved, but as the conversation progressed, they relaxed.
One woman said that her grandfather used to practice Falun Dafa, and that her whole family was ashamed of it. She said, “But he was actually a very, very good man, and I was a young girl at the time, so I didn’t know what to think. I just knew he was good.” She said she researched more on the internet when she became a teenager. She said that in her teenage years, she started thinking, “Maybe our government is trying to control us.”
These conversations lasted about an hour. There was a lot of misinformation that had to be set right, but once we started talking, it was the most natural thing in the world to do.
When I told them that there are people everywhere in the world practicing Falun Dafa, and that I love China and want to learn more, just because I practice Falun Dafa, they were actually very proud. They really enjoyed hearing that from a Westerner.
That very same woman who said she was a Party member came up and thanked me for sharing the information later. The others were nodding and all took out their phones, obviously googling about what was just discussed. I could hear them later mentioning Falun Dafa to other people in the hallway, to those whom I hadn’t managed to work with.
I have realized that notions and emotions often play tricks on me. But actually, Master gives us the wisdom and all the tools necessary to rationally, calmly, and wholeheartedly validate the goodness of Falun Dafa.
I have a lot more work to do in my personal cultivation, but I hope my experience, even in this state, will inspire other practitioners to clarify the truth with more ease and confidence.
I just wanted to share this with fellow practitioners, especially Westerners.