(Minghui.org) I began to practice Falun Dafa in 2007. In 2012 I stumbled in my cultivation and ended up being illegally arrested and detained for more than 13 months.
After I was released in 2013, my former employer invited me to come back. However, at that time I was more focused on trying to change my environment than changing myself. So I declined their offer, and soon after I found another job.
The new company hiring me had a business relationship with my former employer. He wanted to hire me, but he was concerned that my old company would be upset if he did. Therefore, he asked me to become a full-time teleworker, which meant that I would not have to come to the office to do my job.
This arrangement caused many difficulties for me, as I was not able to familiarize myself with the product information, but all the while still having to launch new products. I was at a loss.
Another issue was my salary. My total income for the first year was not even close to one month's pay at my former company. As a result, I was financially strained.
I was also dealing with post-traumatic stress due to the things I endured while being illegally detained. Whenever I heard the sound of elevators moving, I felt a sudden fear and wondered if it was the police coming to my door.
Moreover, when I visited another practitioner, she said she wanted to tell me something, but she was concerned about what I would think. “I heard other people saying that you enlightened on a deviant path,” she said.
It seemed like what Teacher had written before: “Abundant troubles rain down together” (“Tempering the Will,”Hong Yin). However,Dafa miraculously changed all of these things for me.
Since I did not have to go into the office at that time, I took every opportunity to study the Fa so I could improve more quickly.
Also at that time, I ran into a system upgrade with my work that I was unprepared for. As a result, Teacher arranged for another practitioner with a technical background to quickly teach me how to handle this upgrade. Through meeting this practitioner, I was then able to make connections with many other local practitioners and help them with their system upgrades.
While I was helping other practitioners, it provided me with an opportunity to see their strengths and my weaknesses. Once, I was sharing with a senior practitioner about doing the exercises. I was saying that for young practitioners, doing the exercises on a daily basis seemed nearly impossible. The senior practitioner replied, “Don't we have to do the exercises every day? Don't you agree?” Compared with this practitioner, I felt a bit ashamed for not being firm in doing the exercises.
At the time when I was so afraid of police officers knocking on my door, Teacher's new article was published:
“Even in the midst of this harshest of persecutions, there have been people spreading hearsay, showing off—all kinds of attachments have emerged, and this has only exacerbated the cruelty of the persecution. Once an attachment of yours arises, the old forces will have the police come knocking at your door. The evil will come for you.” (“Fa Teaching on World Falun Dafa Day”)
This article truly shocked me. I began to ask myself: “Do I have a show-off mentality?”
Before that, I always wanted to do my job well and have a good relationship with my coworkers for the sake of validating the Fa. On the other hand, I felt so tired, as I was always focusing on what was right and wrong, or good and bad at the surface-level. I never thought about changing myself.
I had selfishness hidden very deep inside. I always wanted to totally be in the Fa. My validating the Fa was in fact validating myself.
Though I could take in a lot of the Fa, I was still limiting myself because of my ego. I thus truly came to understand: I wanted to forget about myself, my past, present, and future, and just to take in the Fa to transform me.
When other practitioners were spreading the rumor that I became enlightened on a deviant path, I thought: “Why did this kind of rumor about me appear?”
Before that, I often let opportunities to look inward slip away. However, this time when I was humbly facing the Fa for the first time, and when I truly wanted to change myself, Teacher made me realize my shortcomings: I was following other people, not the Fa. Upon seeing what other practitioners did, I would follow suit. When I felt other practitioners were very diligent, and when seeing that he or she wanted to start a project, I would take part right away.
When I was not able to look inward, I often asked other practitioners to point out my problems when they saw them. On the surface, it seemed like I was very humble and diligent, but I was trying to have other practitioners cultivate for me. In essence, it all came down to the fact that I was poor at cultivating myself and poor at enlightening to the Fa.
The job I took was truly tormenting me. I came to realize that my attachments to self-respect and dignity were being touched upon. I always felt wronged and wanted to cry.
Though I did not want to go back to my former company, other companies out there still wanted to hire me. Realizing this, instead of trying to change my situation—like I would have done before—I looked within.
I thought: “Why did I have a boss who did not treat me seriously? Why was I in this difficult situation?” The pay was little, and I could tolerate that. Yet, he made me a full time teleworker, and I did not feel he was giving me enough respect.
One day, another practitioner said to me, “Would Teacher arrange for you to not make ends meet?” This was truly a wake-up call. I suddenly realized that I should firmly believe that what Teacher has arranged for me is the best!
After enlightening to this, I could see the situation more clearly. My boss did not want me to come to work because he believed that I could do a good job at home just the same. He did not give me detailed tasks because he wanted me to be more independent, as opposed to working under his direction. And, due to his own concerns, he was reluctant to disclose that I worked for him. I was truly able to understand where he was coming from.
I ran into my old boss from the previous company shortly after this realization. He told me, “Call me if you want to come back.”
It was that easy. I returned to the previous company, and my financial situation improved dramatically.
I truly appreciate Teacher's benevolent guidance in helping me finally realize the detour I had taken. During these seemingly difficult tribulations, under the empowerment of the Fa, I changed myself. Gradually, I learned how to look inward and let go of myself.