(Minghui.org) I have been cultivating Falun Dafa for almost 20 years but only recently realized that I'd held onto some acquired notions without realizing it.
I'd vaguely understood what it meant to follow the path arranged by the old forces versus the path arranged by Master, but when I encountered specific things, I was often controlled by my acquired notions and did not realize that I was not in line with the Fa.
I had lived with the karma of a problem with my leg for several years and could not seem to shake this particular tribulation. I developed a sense of helplessness when it came to the pain in my leg, and it made me realize that I had omissions.
I thought back on my path of cultivation and how I had always taken the lead, whether it was appealing to the government for the right to practice Dafa, producing and distributing Dafa informational materials, or talking to people face to face, hoping that they would quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its youth organizations.
Then I remembered what happened when the pain in my leg started. Another practitioner said that my problem with my leg would undermine Dafa's reputation and damage Dafa and blamed me for it. I didn’t know how to look inward at the time and just agreed with what that practitioner said. This thought developed into an attachment, and I was depressed about this for a very long time.
This was exactly what the old forces wanted to see! Gradually, through Fa study and learning to truly look within, I was able to look at this problem from the standpoint of the Fa principles.
However, I still resented that practitioner.
Master said:
“Once you upgrade your xinxing, your body will undergo a great change. Upon xinxing improvement, the matter in your body is guaranteed to transform.” (Zhuan Falun)
I always talked about looking within, but when the moment came, I looked outward. I studied the Fa a great deal and worked hard to clarify the truth, but I did not do well in cultivating during conflicts or tribulations.
I kept hoping to get rid of my karma quickly, but I needed to find the deeper attachments, such as fear of losing face, anxiety, resentment, competitiveness, and jealousy.
I was illegally detained for 10 days in 2004 for giving a truth-clarification CD to a plainclothes officer. I tried to use the excuse of my poor health so that the detention center wouldn't accept me. I also asked Master to help me leave the detention center because I knew it was not where I should be.
I knew my leg problem was the reason that the detention center refused to accept me the time before. Unconsciously, I used the false condition of my health as a shield to escape persecution. I asked Master to strengthen me, but that was only on the surface. I was not truly following the Fa, and I still could not get rid of the idea of something being wrong with my leg.
Master doesn’t acknowledge the old forces at all. But I accepted the karma of the pain in my leg that was arranged by the old forces and I tried to use it to resist the persecution.
I was still thinking with my acquired notions and did not enlighten from the Fa.
Master said:
“Whenever a tribulation comes, you do not see it with the side of your original nature but view it completely with your human side. Evil demons then capitalize on this point and inflict endless interference and damage, leaving students in long-term tribulations.” (“Expounding on the Fa” from Essentials for Further Advancement )
With the exception of our innate innocence, all we have are the notions we acquired after birth. We must not let them control us.
No matter what we encounter, we should think of Master and the Fa first and walk on the path arranged by Master. If we hold onto human notions, the old forces will take advantage of this big omission to keep persecuting and interfering with us.
If we don't let go of our human notions, how can we do the three things well and how can we fulfill our prehistoric vows?