(Minghui.org) I've experienced some major tribulations over the past year. Two local practitioners were arrested five days before the 2017 Chinese New Year and I hired attorneys for them.
A month later, my father was hit by a taxi, and he suffered a brain hemorrhage. He was in the intensive care unit (ICU) for 12 days. My father-in-law was so upset that he could not sleep and had severe heart palpitations.
My boss was out of town and I had to manage everything in the factory beside the production department where I usually work.
My wife and my mother were not getting along well and were often unpleasant to each other. My five-year-old son had a fever from time to time.
Two local coordinators passed away from illness karma; my printers had problems, I had to run our local truth-clarification materials production site, our NTD television receivers had no signal, we ran out of truth-clarification cards, and on and on. All these things came together to create major headaches.
Sometimes I recited Master's teaching to encourage myself:
“When it’s difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it’s impossible to do, you can do it.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
In this last stage of the Fa-rectification period, Master has made unimaginable efforts to extend the time for saving people, but I could not make a bigger effort to cooperate with Master. I realized that I must have some big problems in my cultivation. What should I do?
Master told us:
“For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference,” Teaching the Fa at the Conference IX)
It's impossible to practice cultivation without any troubles. What's crucial is whether we use our problems to identify our attachments.
Master said:
“Whatever you experience during your cultivation—whether good or bad—is good, for it comes about only because you are cultivating. A cultivator cannot achieve Consummation when laden with human thoughts, laden with karmic debts, or laden with attachments. ” (“To the Chicago Fa Conference,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress, Vol. III)
The hospital required family members to monitor my father and be on call around the clock while he was convalescing. As his son, this duty was my responsibility. I stayed in the hospital from 7:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m., took my son to school at 8:00 a.m., and then went to work. It was really a serious test for my body.
Master said,
“Have you ever thought of the fact that practicing cultivation is the best form of rest? You can obtain the kind of rest that can’t be obtained through sleeping. Nobody would say: “The exercises are making me so tired that I can’t do anything today.” One would only say: “The exercises are making my whole body relaxed and at ease. I don’t feel sleepy after a sleepless night. I feel full of energy. It doesn’t seem to bother me at all after a day’s work.” Isn’t this the case?” (“Lecture at the First Conference in North America”)
I knew that only by practicing the Falun Gong exercises could I get through this tribulation. I had never practiced the exercises in the presence of non-practitioners since the persecution started on July 20, 1999, except when I was detained and had no choice.
Master said,
“So this results in things seeming relatively relaxed now in some areas, and some individuals or in some places people now go out to the parks to do the exercises—you can even hear the music playing.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2015 West Coast Fa Conference”)
I understood that Master had arranged things well and it would be all right for us to practice the exercises outdoors. However, because of my attachment to comfort and ease, I hesitated to take that step. Now I had no other option, as I needed the energy to see that my father recovered in the hospital. I believe that Master was pushing me forward to practice the exercises outdoors.
I had seldom done all five exercises in a single day since July 20, 1999, when the persecution began. For the fifth exercise, Reinforcing Supernatural Powers, I could sit in meditation for only 10 to 20 minutes, but it was in tranquility. I was reluctant to do the first exercise. For the second exercise, Falun Standing Stance, I couldn't stand still at all, so I only did the third and fourth exercises every day.
However, I started doing the exercises in public while my father was in the hospital. Along the hospital corridors, inside the ward, and at the park, I did the morning exercises to the exercise music.
On the second day that my father was in the hospital, I went outdoors to do the exercises and did all five each day thereafter. When I sat in meditation, I felt wonderful again and very comfortable, as though sitting inside an eggshell. When I did the Falun Standing Stance, I was able to stand there motionless. I thought it might be the result of my letting go of attachments to comfort and ease.
Now I practice the exercises every morning at the park. This has been a good start for my persistence. The park is a 10-minute walk from my home. No matter how sleepy I am when I get up, I become very clear-minded upon arrival at the practice site.
My father is now able to walk with support. In my opinion, he didn't practice genuine cultivation before, although he had read the Falun Dafa books. He printed Falun Gong messages on paper currency, delivered truth-clarification materials to people, and signed his name to sue Jiang Zemin, the former Chinese Communist Party (CCP) leader who initiated the persecution of Falun Gong.
My father used to work for the evil CCP as a local party secretary and was seriously poisoned by the CCP culture. He was so addicted to alcohol that he couldn't have a meal without drinking.
When my father was hit by the taxi, the windshield was broken and the vehicle ran another 23 meters before stopping. Doctors diagnosed my father as bleeding from the brainstem.
The traffic police told us that nine out of ten victims would have died in such an accident. The doctors reminded us that we might need to be prepared for my father's death. I had no second thought but only one firm belief: Everything would be all right if I firmly believed in Master and Dafa.
Friends and relatives were allowed to visit my father during the afternoon after 3:30 p.m. I put two MP3 players that played Master's Fa lectures next to him. Doctors and nurses also kept an eye on things and let me know when the player ran low on batteries.
My father listened and studied the Fa in the hospital. Now he practices the exercises with my mother every day. Though his movements are not that accurate, he likes to practice cultivation in Dafa.
He quit drinking and said he no longer even wants to drink alcohol. For my father, bad things changed to good things; I believe that much of his karma was removed in this tribulation. He is now walking the path of cultivation in Dafa.
My mother-in-law had many diseases before she practiced Falun Dafa. Thanks to Falun Dafa, she became very healthy and was able to take care everything both inside and outside her home in the countryside.
My father-in-law also practiced Falun Dafa before, but he couldn't catch up with the Fa-rectification progress after the persecution started. However, the seeds of Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance were deeply rooted in his heart.
Because he didn't keep up with Fa study, he would often faint. My mother-in-law persuaded him to study the Fa and practice the exercises. He deeply believed that practicing Falun Dafa did much good for his health.
Toward the end of last year, my father-in-law studied the Fa and practiced exercises every day. He finished reading Zhuan Falun six times and began to feel healthier.
However, after the 2017 Chinese New Year, he developed a sleep disorder and couldn't fall asleep at night. On the third day of the Chinese New Year, he said his heart was beating so fast that it seemed to jump out of his chest. Local practitioners helped him to send forth righteous thoughts.
His condition didn't change for better. My mother-in-law asked me what she should do. She suggested we take him to the hospital. He had read Zhuan Falun ten times by then and persisted in doing the five sets of exercises twice a day. He himself also expressed a sincere wish to practice Falun Dafa, but he just felt too uncomfortable. What should we do?
I believe that all people came to Earth to practice cultivation in Falun Dafa. His physical state was obviously a test for him. For a time, he had quit cultivation practice, so the old forces added big tribulations to him when he wanted to resume practicing cultivation. If he went to the hospital this time and didn't pass the illness karma test well, he might give up practicing Falun Dafa. That would be a great regret.
Some practitioners worried that he couldn't pass the test and might cause a big loss to Dafa, as some people might say he “fell ill but didn't go to the hospital.” I believed that a Dafa practitioner would definitely pass the tribulation as long as he and other practitioners could maintain ample righteous thoughts, firmly believe in Master and Dafa, and make an all-out effort. No matter what happened, even if it appeared that he was passing away, our hearts should not be moved.
During that time, I went to work at 8:30 a.m. after hospital staff came to take over for me. After work I rushed to see my father-in-law at 6:30 p.m. I and other practitioners sent righteous thoughts for an hour, then shared our cultivation experiences. I observed him while encouraging him to persist in studying the Fa and to use Fa principles to guide his personal cultivation.
He gradually changed his notions and no longer regarded his physical discomfort as illness. Instead, he saw it as karma elimination. He also understood that his illness karma was caused by his fear. He was afraid that the prolonged illness would lead to his death.
After studying the Fa, he understood that discomfort or pain would not lead to his death, but, instead, as Master said, if he were to die it would be a case of “his psychological factors caused his death.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
Gradually my father-in-law learned to reject thoughts of illness. Local practitioners helped him. About ten days later, he was able to fight the pain. I was able to reduce my visits to him to once a week.
This experience made me understand the meaning and manifestations of making an all-out effort.
Six months later, my father-in-law is now able to sleep at night. He studies at least one lecture of Zhuan Falun every day and others of Master's Fa teachings and practices the complete sets of exercises once or twice a day.
My father-in-law's tribulation also made me reflect on the experiences of those practitioners who passed away during illness karma. When they were experiencing tribulations, local practitioners didn't make an all-out effort to help them. I apologize to practitioners and Master for this.
My father's hospitalization involved many people and things, so I had to face many difficulties: a tight schedule, physical challenges, and annoyance. Each person has his/her own ways of doing things, so conflicts can easily arise if things are not handled properly.
My wife and my mother were not getting along well and were unpleasant to each other from time to time. Although they didn't quarrel, it was clear that they felt uncomfortable in their hearts.
Why was their relationship always so troublesome and difficult to handle? I observed them for a period of time and found that their biggest problem was that each insisted on her own opinion. Both believed herself to be in the right and each was not able to understand the other. The most direct manifestation was jealousy and looking down upon the other.
As a son and a husband, I felt that I played a very crucial role in their relationship.
Actually, I had serious jealousy too and looked down upon others. I thought my wife didn't put her heart into cooking, nor did she study the Fa well enough. I thought that my mother was narrow-minded and always blamed others.
I thought they looked down upon the other and that it was actually jealousy. I wondered why they didn't cultivate themselves. Why didn't they look at themselves? My heart was weary. I saw only their shortcomings. Their conflicts always appeared in front of me and bothered me. Finally, I started to wonder if I had any problems in this regard.
Suddenly I thought of Master's Fa teaching:
“It would be good if they could manage to search within themselves for the things that they have been able to find in others.” (“A Dialogue with Time,” Falun Dafa Essentials for Further Advancement)
I then identified my own jealousy. I couldn't tell my wife and mother about their shortcomings because I couldn't see their merits. I realized that these are all manifestations of jealousy: the manifestation of looking down upon others.
When I identified my own jealousy, I was able to understand my wife's difficulties. She has a day job, has to do all the grocery shopping, cook for the whole family, take care of our son, and do the laundry. After a tiring day of work, she has to face a father-in-law who is not able to take care of himself and a mother-in-law who doesn’t maintain her xinxing well and who blames and complains at her.
My mother didn't have it that easy, either. She is nearing eighty, but is very strong-willed and does not like to ask for other's help. My father weighs more than 150 pounds, yet she moves or drags him around by herself countless times a day.
Once I eliminated the jealousy in myself, I developed compassion naturally. I truly understood the meaning of Master's words:
“They are in a state of immense tolerance, of mercy toward all beings, and of being able to understand everything with kindness. To put it in human terms, they're always able to be understanding of others.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston,” Teaching the Fa at the Conference II)
When I identified my own attachment, family conflicts dissolved.
I feel ashamed when I talk about my son's high fever. He is now five years old. He hasn't taken any medicine since he was born, not even an injection at birth. Both my wife and I are Dafa practitioners, so our son obviously came for Dafa. When he has a fever, mostly it's when my wife and I are not studying the Fa well.
Many things have happened this past year. Whenever bad things happened, I would feel dizzy and have a headache. When I calmed down, I found that most of the time my heart would expand. I was reluctant to experience any troubles because I wanted serenity. Looking back on this rough spot in the journey, I found that everything turned out pretty well even though I had constant troubles.
When doctors and nurses in the ICU asked what the MP3 was playing, I explained to them the facts about Falun Gong and told them the truth about the self-immolation hoax at Tiananmen Square. They soon saw through the CCP's evil lies and quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations.
My father convalesced in one ward for more than two months. During that period of time, many other patients came and went. They all learned the facts about Falun Dafa and quit the CCP.
When my boss was out of town, I had to take care of everything. When I purchased materials for cooking, I used my contacts with many vegetable vendors to help them quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations. Some of them even accepted 5,000 to 6,000 banknotes with Falun Dafa messages each month.
We are Dafa practitioners, so we should learn to shoulder responsibilities, suffer, and take on problems. All those with whom we have contact are people who came to listen to the facts about Falun Dafa. We are here to assist Master in Fa-rectification and saving people.
I must treat everything with a proactive and positive mentality. Whenever I have negative thoughts in my mind, I remind myself that everything that happens is a good thing.
Master said,
“Thus, when you encounter a conflict, I would say that it is to transform your black substance into the white substance, de.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Of course, interference from the old forces also exists when we encounter much trouble.
I have been totally reborn through cultivation in Dafa over these past 20 years. On the journey from being a human being to a divine being, I have experienced both joy and loss, with a great deal of regret. Because I didn't cultivate well enough, I have failed many lives that should have been saved.
Many apologies to sentient beings, and more apologies to Master.