(Minghui.org) Recently, due to lack of staff at work, I found myself especially busy and there seemed to be endless things to do. I have a strong attachment to doing things and do not study the Fa well. Because I haven’t been doing well in searching within, my xinxing has been going downhill. I was always tired and had a bad temper. I often complained about things.

I knew that this was not the right state to be in, but I was not able to change. To be more accurate, I did not have a strong will to eliminate the attachments that held me back. I let those bad elements control me.

A small thing happened recently that woke me up. I have had my driver’s license for two years. However, because of my attachment to fear, I have been afraid to drive. Now, I needed to drop off and pick up my child, so I had to practice driving more. Every time I practiced, my husband would always point out the many mistakes I made. I did not like to hear it. Instead of thinking of ways to improve, I kept telling myself that I would be able to drive when it was time.

I thought that way for over a month. One day I suddenly realized that I could not drive well even with my husband’s help, much less when I was on my own.

This made me think of cultivation. If xinxing is not improved, one's gong (cultivation energy) will not increase. I have to cultivate solidly. The thought of “I will be able to do it when the time comes” is actually an excuse. I started to search within and found a lot of attachments.

Digging deeper, I realized that I had a thought that was not very righteous. I have been viewing myself as an average cultivator and not as a person that is able to endure any hardship. Therefore, I did not have a strong will to do things well.

Master says,

“You can call it “cultivation” only when one wants to cultivate, has the desire to reach Consummation, and at the same time carries out the actions involved in cultivation.” (“Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference in Australia”)

Later, from sharing with fellow practitioners, I also understood that this thought of being an average cultivator was not my own thought. It was the old forces that forced this notion on me and as a result I slacked off. We all came down to the human world with Master with the will to be successful. How could I have the thought of being an “average cultivator?”

The reason I positioned myself this way is because I did not firmly believe in the Fa and Master. Even after I obtained the Fa, I still did not treasure it and did not have righteous thoughts. Naturally my actions wouldn't be righteous either.

Master says,

“Because each person covers a certain expanse of his own in the world around him, his emotional state will have a bearing on his affairs.”

“If you can have sufficient righteous thoughts, you can then be towering and massive within your expanse and suppress any bad things that might exist there.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the Epoch Times Meeting,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. X)

Time flies. We need to watch every single thought of ours. We should cultivate diligently, maintain righteous thoughts and rectify ourselves in accordance with the Fa.