(Minghui.org) I am a Falun Dafa practitioner from Taiwan. Since childhood, I have been criticized for my inferior word pronunciation and inability to hold a conversation with others. Due to bad experiences when I was young, I often chose not to open my mouth in public.
I knew that one must focus on the main points when speaking. However, once I started speaking, my talks were often disorganized and lacked focus. Whenever I had to speak in front of people, I sought the help of others to edit and improve my speech, thus, I often chose not to make such speeches.
Master said,
“There’s also the matter of Shen Yun ticket sales. I have said that we are now to focus on higher-end society, and only by making ourselves part of the cultural mainstream can we unlock society at large, have a greater impact, have more people attend, and have more sentient beings come to be saved.” (“Be More Diligent” from Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. X)
Although notified one year in advance that I would be host of the week for a local Fa study group, I remained unsure of what I should talk about with fellow practitioners. My habit was to remain silent and sit there. Now that I suddenly had to speak up in front of everyone I felt afraid and did not know how to overcome it.
One month before the hosting, not only were my thoughts stuck, but my mind was a blank and my heart started pounding. It was only after consulting with a few practitioners that I began to have some idea about how to host the session. However, when that day came, although I had prepared everything that I would say, my body still trembled uncontrollably. Waves of fear kept coming even before the session started. Thus, I phoned the practitioner in charge of arrangements for hosting and told her not to arrange for me to ever host again.
On the day of the hosting, I was driving my daughter to Fa study and cultivation sharing when she felt my fear while sitting behind me and said, “Mom, do you want me to sit beside you when you host the session today?” I was really touched when I heard that. My daughter is normally very shy and sometimes unwilling to join us for the big group Fa study. But today, she shows the courage to overcome fear in order to protect and support her mother. How could I not step up?
Master said, “All fears are attachments, and all attachments are obstacles.” (Teaching the Fa at the Assistants’ Fa Conference in Changchun)
Although I still felt scared on the inside, I told myself that everything would be fine, and I needed to remain calm and reject that fear.
Finally, the Fa study and cultivation session ended and I was secretly celebrating it in my heart, thinking that I will be able to remain silent again after this. However, the time that we have to save people is limited. Benevolent Master knew that I still did not realize my problem. Therefore, in order to help me get rid of my layers of attachment to fear and improve my xinxing, Master pushed me forward by arranging for a practitioner to teach me how to make calls to invite people from the community to a tea session event. This mission was a big challenge for me and one requiring a lot of courage. The calls did not just involve reading from the scripts. It required some communication skills, which is one of my greatest weaknesses.
Master said,
“It’s not that if you have fear you are no good. It’s about overcoming your fears and trying to do the three things well with stronger righteous thoughts, and that is outstanding. (Applause) To put it in perspective, no matter how afraid you may be, if when faced with the responsibility of saving sentient beings you feel compelled to take action, to go save people, then that is remarkable.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2013 Greater New York Fa Conference”)
Yes, saving people is no doubt the responsibility of every practitioner. I need to do it no matter how scared I am. Thus, I mustered my courage and went for the session as agreed on that day. Although my heart was unsettled and my stomach upset, I knew that these are all just surface tactics used by the old forces to stop me from saving predestined people. Therefore, I must stay steadfast and abide by my promise.
A practitioner patiently taught me how to create the script for the call and with her righteous thoughts supporting me, I finally completed the phone calls and breathed a big sigh of relief. However, things did not end there. The next day another practitioner informed me that I was requested to share my phone call experiences during the local Fa study group. When I received this phone call, my first reaction was to reject the request. Why do I need to put myself back into the limelight and speak to everyone again? Fright overtook my righteous thoughts. At that time, I only thought about my own feelings and rambled a whole load of excuses to reject the task. My behavior was totally unlike a practitioner.
After the whole load of excuses I gave this practitioner, a thought suddenly flashed through my mind. I remembered a practitioner who shared a cultivation experience regarding Shen Yun ticket sales for one of the cities. Sales were quite low last year but rose to the highest in the whole country this year. This occurred mainly due to their willingness to look within themselves so as not to be divided. This thought made me change my usual behavior and find the courage to accept the request to speak in front of a crowd and share my experiences. I wanted to do my part in assisting Master to rectify the Fa and I did not want to be divided from the other practitioners.
As I thought back to the time when I conducted the hosting, I trembled out of fright. But this time, I forced myself to share my experience with everyone again. The changes within this process were unbelievable. I could not even believe it myself. Although due to the tight schedule that day, I did not even have the chance to present the summary and content of my experience sharing, through the process, I had the chance to overcome my fear again and integrate myself into the big group. This is also the first time I really felt and understood the meaning of inner peace.
There was another cultivation sharing session where I heard practitioners say that our area’s ticket sales efforts for Shen Yun lacked favorable results. I was very sad when I heard that, feeling remorse for not doing my own part well. One of the practitioners suggested we go to the Fa study locations in the different areas to exchange our cultivation experiences and encourage more practitioners to come forward to publicize Shen Yun. With a heart eager to save others, I immediately raised my hand and took up the responsibility to go to the different areas to share my experience on how to overcome fear and invite people to the tea sessions. Now, as long as there is a request from practitioners for me to contribute to the group, I no longer find excuses for myself to not do it.
Currently, although the 2018 Shen Yun performances have nearly ended, I still carry on interacting with everyday people. However, the difference is that my fear is greatly reduced and I also suddenly discovered that my communication abilities have improved. In the process, I made many new friends. Creating a bigger network, I am actually paving the way for future publicizing of Shen Yun shows.
As I traversed along my path to overcome my fear of public speaking, I went from fear and trembling to volunteering to speak in front of everyone; from rejecting the task to finally volunteering to take up the task; from not knowing how to interact with people to being very eager in networking and making new friends. I thank Master for making such systematic arrangements for me! Master energized and protected me and led me in overcoming the barriers of my attachments. I have eliminated layers of fear and improved in my cultivation. I now have the courage to continue on the path of publicizing Shen Yun.
Just as Master said,
“No matter how he cultivates, I use all kinds of methods to expose his most stubborn attachments—even when he thinks he’s doing the most sacred work. Even when you’re doing Dafa work I will still have them manifest. It’s no good if the work itself doesn’t help him to improve; the improvement of his xinxing is the number one priority, his elevation is what’s most important.” (Teaching the Fa at the Assistants’ Fa Conference in Changchun)
Master said in his lectures that,
“The fact is, those who can’t step forward, regardless of the excuse, are concealing fear. Yet for cultivators, fear or lack thereof proves [one’s] humanity or divinity, and it is what differentiates cultivators from ordinary people. It is something that a cultivator must face, and the biggest human attachment that a cultivator must remove.” (“Study the Fa Well, and Getting Rid of Attachments is Not Hard” from The Essentials of Diligent Progress Vol. III)
It is my hope that this cultivation sharing will be a catalyst for other practitioners who are facing similar attachments of fear. In Dafa activities to come, I wish that all Falun Dafa practitioners will walk a steady path of cultivation.