(Minghui.org) It has been 19 years since I began to practice Falun Dafa. Since the onset of the persecution of this cultivation practice, I have been harassed and arrested many times and illegally detained in a forced labor camp twice.
Even though I have fallen and did not do well when facing tests, Master never gave up on me. When facing tribulations, Master gave me hints and encouraged me. Thus, when I fell, I got up and continued to cultivate. Because cultivation is serious, it is not enough to just be brave--one has to look within for one's shortcomings.
Master said,
“The old forces don't dare to oppose our clarifying the truth or saving sentient beings. What's key is to not let them take advantage of the gaps in your state of mind when you do things.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston” from Teaching the Fa at the Conference II)
I have been arrested three times between 2011 and 2016. Although I was diligent, I looked inward, “Why am I persecuted? Am I on the Fa?”
When facing persecution in November 2016, I could not find my weaknesses, so I studied the Fa with a calm mind and looked within.
Then I realized that during those years, I had many conflicts with other practitioners, but never really looked within or cultivated in earnest. Instead, I looked outward.
Whenever a practitioner tried to point at my attachment, I would think, “This practitioner is jealous, that practitioner needs to work on his or her xinxing, or the person is not on the Fa, and so on.” I missed many chances Master arranged for my improvement.
Then, I looked within and realized that I held resentments, jealousy, lust, a show-off mentality, and looking down on others.
I strengthened my righteous thoughts to clean my field. With hints from Master and enlightenment from the Fa, I could catch my bad thoughts and eliminate them most of the time. Now, I pay attention to every single thought of mine, align it with the Fa, and forbear.
Most importantly, I am able to truly see the Fa-principles, and let go of many of my attachments. When I encounter a problem and feel wronged or unfairly treated, I will look inward and not outward.
A practitioner and I visited another practitioner who faced financial, health and cultivation problems. We had been friends, studied the Fa together, and cooperated in Dafa projects. We were detained in the same labor camp. However, we rarely saw each other since then.
When we met again, she complained about me in front of her husband and the other practitioner and said that she did not want to see me. I was confused and kept saying: “I am sorry. I didn’t know I have brought you so much hurt.”
On the way home, the practitioner tried to console me: “You’ve been helping her, so how can she say such words? Are you okay? Don’t take it seriously.” All I remember is that I was out of words when the practitioner chastised me. But, now, I thought how I hurt her and felt bad about her health and living environment.
When thinking about the issue, I remembered that in 2006, when I started coordination work, I unknowingly hurt her due to my human notions and not cultivating myself well.
Recalling this helped me correct my attitude and I no longer resented her, but kept looking inward and rid myself of my attachments. I told myself that I would not allow such attachments to create gaps between me and practitioners!
A practitioner said, “Some practitioners told me that you and the coordinator are together more often than necessary. Don’t lead the whole body astray with your thoughts!” After I got home I thought, “Many years ago you gossiped behind my back and made fellow practitioners believe you, and now you are doing this again.” I immediately realized that I should not think this way.
Then, she called me on the phone solely used for contacting fellow practitioners, said my name out loud, ignored my safety, and talked for a while. I said, “Why do you like to spread this gossip, isn’t this jealousy? Please stop such rumors.” After I put down the phone I sensed resentment in myself.
“What am I doing here?” I thought. “Am I cultivating myself? Isn’t this to help me improve? I should thank this practitioner. Anyway, she did it out of her sense of responsibility to the whole group!”
After this thought, I send forth righteous thoughts, “Eliminate all the evil elements that create gaps between us. I will only look at practitioners' good points.” My heart was filled with peace and harmony after 20 minutes.
That night and the following day I had diarrhea. I understood that Master was cleansing my body.
A practitioner asked me to go to the countryside to clarify the truth about Dafa.
“Master,” I thought, “please wait until after I come back home to cleanse my body.” While outside my home, I did not have any discomfort. Once at home, I had diarrhea for another day.
Master said,
“Once you upgrade your xinxing, your body will undergo a great change. Upon xinxing improvement, the matter in your body is guaranteed to transform. What kind of changes will take place? You will give up those bad things that you are attached to.” (Zhuan Falun)