(Minghui.org) I have a caring husband and two beautiful daughters. We are a happy family. Many people envy me. Deep down, however, I felt an emptiness and longing for something.
A few days after my eldest daughter's wedding in April 2015, as I sat in her room I felt engulfed by darkness. I was weak and could not move. Emptiness and self-doubt filled my mind. Tears flowed down my cheeks. I lapsed into depression.
The following days were agonizing. Thoughts of hopelessness tormented me. Medical treatments did not help. I lost over ten pounds. My situation affected everyone in my family.
While I was out one morning in 2015, I saw a Falun Dafa banner and stopped to read the pamphlets. I thought the practice was very interesting. I returned the following day and stayed for quite a while listening to the Falun Dafa exercise music. Unfortunately I did not start to practice at that time.
Two years passed. One day after my yoga class, someone in the group mentioned going to a Falun Dafa class. I told her I'd like to come. The next day I started to practice Falun Dafa.
I only did the exercises in the beginning. Since nobody lingered after the exercises, I had many unanswered questions. I also found it difficult to change myself according to the teachings in Zhuan Falun. Because I was severely depressed, I could not immerse myself in the Fa. Even though my mind was still chaotic with everyday thoughts, I kept on going to the morning exercises.
One day, I felt something spinning between my arms when I was doing the standing exercise. I later learned that Master Li was cleansing my body.
A few months later, my mind started to slowly relax during the exercises. By studying the teachings I understood why I was feeling this way. My mood and sleep improved.
Ten months after I started to practice Falun Dafa, patches of red rash appeared on my legs. Yellow puss oozed from the rash. I woke up every morning with such swollen and painful legs that I had a hard time standing. I wrapped my legs in bandages and went to do the exercises in the morning. I knew this was how my body was eliminating karma.
My family encouraged me to go to a hospital. I explained that this was normal during cultivation. It took seven months for my legs to completely heal. I learned that in cultivation, situations like this are not illness. I was able to stick with my faith in the Fa and I did not go to the hospital.
The recovery of my legs convinced my family that Falun Dafa is amazing. They became supportive of my practicing. Even though Master constantly cleansed my body, there was still a knot deep inside of me. It made me uncomfortable and depressed.
One day while I did the exercises, I felt enveloped by warm energy. It was a very comfortable sensation. I no longer felt depressed. I cannot imagine what my life would have been like if I had not encountered Dafa. I want to take this opportunity to express my deepest gratitude to Master.
I have been sticking to my daily morning exercise because it's part of cultivation.
I'm very timid, so I'm usually nervous when I'm outside. All my nervousness leaves when I see the Falun Dafa banner at the exercise site. Getting to the site early on winter mornings is hard because it's dark and cold.
I especially admire one elderly practitioner. She quietly hangs up the banners and lays out the pamphlets at the crack of dawn every day. One day, she sat meditating in the full lotus position with both legs crossed. I wanted so much to be able to meditate for an entire hour with her. I was not doing the sitting meditation yet at that time.
When I had the rash on my legs, a practitioner suggested that we do the sitting exercise together. I knew I had to keep my legs crossed but I usually gave up because of the pain. I envy practitioners who are able to mediate so serenely.
I started to do the sitting meditation with the elderly practitioner. Sometimes it was just the two of us. Occasionally she had to leave early. I thought about leaving early but I kept on until the music stopped. I knew Master's Fashen (law bodies) and Falun (law wheels) were protecting me.
I went to the morning exercise site even when I was tired or not feeling well. I always felt better and my mind was clear after the exercises. Doing the exercises is the best way to improve our health.
“Have you ever thought of the fact that practicing cultivation is the best form of rest? You can obtain the kind of rest that can’t be obtained through sleeping. Nobody would say: “The exercises are making me so tired that I can’t do anything today.”” “Lecture at the First Conference in North America”
A veteran practitioner helped me learn the exercises and get the books of Master's teachings. She suggested that I participate in the drum team. I never played the drum before and had no interest in it. Nevertheless I went along and actually enjoyed it.
Soon this practitioner became the drum team coordinator. She asked me to help purchase equipment. I knew this wasn't an easy job but I could not bring myself to refuse. I thought: She's Chinese, I must help her the best way I can.
The equipment was old and needed to be replaced. It was more complicated than I had imagined. Certain parts had to be special ordered from different vendors in Taiwan. What could be bought in South Korea had to be bought in person. Sometimes I had to purchase directly from the manufacturer.
As more people joined the drum team, purchasing errors started to appear which further complicated my job. The coordinator and I have different styles of doing things and come from different cultural backgrounds, which leads to friction. We both felt the pressure. Our dislike for each other was obvious from our facial expressions and interactions. I complained about the situation: I was so busy that I did not have time to study the Fa. We became even more distanced.
The coordinator changed the positions of the drummers the night before a public performance. I did not understand her decision as changing the drummers' positions at the last minute could cause errors during the performance.
The next morning, the coordinator rearranged the drummers again. I was very irritated. It was clearly a xinxing test, but it was still unbearable for me. The event was a success and I was glad it turned out well. Afterwards I resigned from the drum team.
It was very awkward seeing the drum team coordinator at the practice site. I believed her coldness was from old grudges against me. I was upset.
A few days later, I joined a couple of other practitioners for lunch. They started to talk about the drum team. My anger got the better of me and I said some things. I quickly finished eating and left the restaurant. I later felt very sorry about ruining the other practitioners' lunch that day.
The next day, Master's newest lecture in New York was published. Master said,
“People from China, by contrast, go about things in extreme, radical ways, are over the top with things, and go too far. That’s their psychology. But that’s not how human beings should be. So if you bring that kind of thinking or behavior with you beyond China’s borders, people are going to be put off by it... One tendency that people in China develop is to be quite extreme in their writing or approaches to things. That kind of behavior and thinking really isn’t something that others are going to be receptive to.” “Fa Teaching at the 2019 New York Fa Conference”
When I read these words, I felt justified and that the coordinator was to blame for our conflict. As I read on, I realized I was wrong. Master also said,
“And however bad the interpersonal things that you encounter may be, you still have to look at them positively, like, “Oh, this can help me improve.” And when problems arise between you and others, it doesn’t matter who’s at fault: start by reflecting on your part in it. If a cultivator cannot manage to form this habit, if he isn’t able to look at things in the opposite way of how people normally do, then he will always be stuck at the human level” “Fa Teaching at the 2019 New York Fa Conference”
Master's words were aimed right at me. That was when I changed from focusing on other people's faults to searching within myself.
The coordinator and I met again. We talked about Master's new lecture and reconciled our differences. We believe Master arranged for us to meet so that both of us could improve in our cultivation. We now have mutual respect for each other.
Thank you, Master. Thank you, fellow practitioners.
(Presented at the 2019 Korea Fa Conference)