(Minghui.org) None of my co-workers are Falun Dafa practitioners. On the one hand, I have to go along with the social norms and sometimes have to do things in order to maintain harmony with non-practitioners. On the other hand, as a practitioner, I feel that I should be clear on what's right or wrong. So, for a long time, I was confused about how to handle certain things.
Recently, Master used several situations I encountered as hints. I realized that a cultivator can't follow the tide, and sway between right and wrong. I should not be ambiguous about the principles of being, Truthful, Compassionate, and Tolerant.
Being consistent in one's words and deeds is also being "truthful." For example, in order to avoid conflicts, I pretended to be gentle and nice, although I silently complained inside. When I work with a team, I work hard and take the task seriously. But when I work alone, I often slack off. At home, I'm sincerely kind to my daughter and son, but I'm only superficially kind to my son-in-law and daughter-in-law.
I noticed that many practitioners have the same problem. They are affected by the distorted principles in everyday society. Some practitioners can't calm down when they encounter conflicts. But, because they are trying to be considerate of others' feelings, they don't let their unhappiness show. This kind of tolerance for the sake of others is praiseworthy but it's not what I'm talking about. I'm referring to how some intentionally cover up their true intentions to protect their personal interests.
I would like to share a recent experience.
Two managers at my workplace had many conflicts. One always criticized the other in meetings. This manager often gathered us in his office and held closed-door meetings during which he told us to side with him and put pressure on the other manager.
At first, I felt that ordinary people's conflicts had nothing to do with me, so I avoided them. When this manager spoke to me I did not make any comments. My colleagues are different; some are two-faced, criticizing one in front of the other, and some choose sides.
I felt that I was doing the right thing. By not participating in the conflicts of everyday people, I didn't do anything harmful to others. However, it didn't take long for our unit manager to express his unhappiness towards me. He said that he respected me and supported my work, but I did not stand with him like the other colleagues.
I was very confused. I felt it was difficult to be a good person. Even when I didn't get involved in their conflicts, I offended people.
Then I read what Master said in Zhuan Falun,
“When we speak, we should simply speak in a manner befitting a practitioner, and not say anything bad or divisive. As practitioners we should gauge what we intend to say with the teachings and see whether it’s appropriate. And if it is, then it’s fine to speak. And besides, if we always kept silent we would have a hard time introducing the practice to people and sharing it with others. ”
I realized that my avoidance was not necessarily correct and could cause misunderstandings. My silence was a kind of self-protection. I tried to go along with my co-workers, but minimized the damage to myself. I was not genuine or truthful.
Master said,
“... when others are embroiled in conflict and you are just an onlooker, you should think about it, "How can I do better? If I were in that position, would I be able to control my xinxing and face the criticism and disapproval like a cultivator?” (“Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles”)
I realized that I always tried to escape getting embroiled in everyday people's conflicts. On the surface I didn't want to get involved, but my heart was moved by them. I felt the best way to handle conflicts was to protect myself and not get involved. When I examined myself, I was selfish—I just wanted to protect myself.
Master said,
“I’ve often said this: if you sincerely do it for the other person’s sake, and there is nothing self-serving on your part, your words will be able to move the other party to tears.” (“Fa Teaching on World Falun Dafa Day”)
As a practitioner what was I afraid of? Was I afraid of emotion?
The manager talked to me again. I put aside all my concerns and honestly told him, "The way you're handling conflicts makes it difficult for everyone. If your goal is to do the work well, then we should discuss each case. If you are right, I will support you. If she is right, I will support her. If you ask us to support you even if you are wrong, then even if we support you on the surface we'll resent you and oppose you behind your back.”
The manager was not happy with me. He was surprised that I spoke so directly. I didn't regret that I told him the truth, even though it made him unhappy. I only had his best interests in mind. He was later very grateful to me for telling him the truth. He still respects me, and often asks my opinion when he makes decisions.
Through this incident, I realized that it is necessary to treat others with sincerity and truthfulness. Although we are surrounded by people who might not be cultivators, we should not tell lies just to keep a “harmonious atmosphere” and so-called friendship. In the long run this may not only cause misunderstandings, but it is also lying. This is not meeting the standards of a Falun Dafa practitioner.