(Minghui.org) The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture exists more or less in most mainland Chinese people, particularly those at the leadership level. Because they have been indoctrinated throughout their lives, their minds have long been saturated with this Party culture, and they are accustomed to it, but not aware of it.
In the past, I was in charge of Party work at my job, so I was more seriously indoctrinated than the average person. In my more than 20 years of cultivation, I did not realize how harmful this Party culture is, so I did not pay attention to getting rid of it.
However, a few things happened last year that touched upon this issue and made me realize that it has been a serious obstacle on my cultivation path. It not only prevented me from improving in cultivation, it also affected my overall cooperation in Dafa projects and the harmony in my family.
Last spring, I learned that two practitioners, Wang and Han (aliases), in a village had some unpleasant arguments and had not talked to each other for several years. Other practitioners tried to help resolve their conflicts but to no avail. I organized several fellow practitioners to try again to help resolve their problem.
Wang came to our meeting and was still very angry with Han. She described how bad Han was and even cursed Han.
I was shocked by Wang’s attitude and reminded her to look within. Rather harshly, I also said to her, “How can you be so unkind? You even look forward to her to incurring retribution. If she has problems, you'd better point them out to her kindly rather than pushing her away. You keep looking outward and are not cultivating yourself, which is very dangerous. Hurry up and look within. This is not the way a practitioner cultivates!”
But it seemed that Wang did not hear anything I said. She said that she would never forgive Han even though Han wanted to repair their relationship
Everyone at the meeting could tell that Wang possessed a strong attachment to disliking criticism and that it might be the major reason for the conflict with Han. So we shared our opinions. But when she saw that no one was one her side, she lost her temper and left. It wasn't until then that we realized that we were being pushy, so she refused to take any of our suggestions.
One practitioner then pointed out that I spoke harshly and that I lacked kindness in my tone, that I’d sounded as if I were complaining, and that caused Wang to react accordingly. I felt depressed at home that evening. I felt that my kind intention was not recognized and that it’d had the opposite effect.
I asked myself, “Why did this happen? What is the root cause of my unkindness?” That night, I lay in bed and found my problem after carefully looking within.
At work, whatever I said and did was always based on Communist Party culture. It was normal for me to criticize the employees. I was the one who’d set up our company's punishment and reward regulations, and I was the one who carried them out.
Whenever someone broke a rule, I had to carry out the punishment policy without exception. I was the CCP member, and I carried out the evil Party's policies and rules aggressively and with force. Those bad habits do not work in Dafa and should be eliminated.
Master said,
“I often say that if all a person wants is the well-being of others and if this is without the slightest personal motivation or personal understanding, what he says will move the listener to tears. I have not only taught you Dafa, but have also left you my demeanor. While working, your tone of voice, your kindheartedness, and your reasoning can change a person’s heart, whereas commands never could!” (“Clearheadedness,” Essentials For Further Advancement
Measuring myself against Master's Fa, I felt so ashamed. I just wanted to change others, not myself. Wang was like a mirror—reflecting my own issues back to me. The human notions of thinking highly of oneself and having strong self-interest, as well as being competitive and revengeful, all existed in me. I just acted on my emotions without thinking about the other person's feelings or ability to accept my comments. Wasn't all of this against Dafa?
I knew then that if the Party culture that had been instilled in me was not removed, I could never cultivate compassion. I had to eliminate it. Wang's bad attitude toward her fellow practitioner allowed me to find my problem.
For example, several years ago, a couple reported me to the CCP authorities because I practice Falun Dafa. My family was persecuted, and the couple encountered retribution. For a while, I felt good about the couple's tragedy. Now, having witnessed Wang's bad intention toward another practitioner, I feel guilty about my having felt that way about that couple. The reason they reported me was because I hadn’t clarifed the truth about Dafa to them clearly enough. My cultivation level was not high due to my poor cultivation state.
That made me feel sympathetic toward the wife of the couple who reported me. So I tried to make up for it by telling her about the Fa principle that doing good will be rewarded and vice-versa. I helped her do some work she could not do herself and helped to take care of some other things for her. She knew she had done something bad and was afraid that I would seek revenge, so she initially was very restrained around me. However, she did completely change and no longer did such things.
Last May, a practitioner in our city was illegally arrested and detained at a detention center outside of town. We went to her home with the hope that her husband would cooperate with us. But no matter how we tried to persuade him, he would not agree to let Dafa practitioners participate in this matter. He avoided us and gave a bribe for her release, which caused a certain degree of difficulty in our rescuing her. As time went on, there was no progress in the rescue effort.
Later, a practitioner launched a petition effort to get the practitioner released. When all the petition forms were put together, we found that one person had signed several people’s names. After checking into it, we discovered that someone had signed the names of people who did not know about this matter. This dishonest list was a departure from Dafa principles.
The practitioners who were involved in the rescue work shared their opinions. I raised this issue and analyzed the harm this might do, stating clearly that this petition effort should be stopped immediately. The practitioner who’d initiated the petition effort was there, and she protested. Neither of us would budge, and no agreement was reached.
When I got home, I was distraught and could hardly eat or sleep. I looked within for the reason that things did not go well. It was still the Party culture working through me, which I had not completely removed.
Simplified working methods, argumentative communication, and the Party culture's disruptive ways—which of these was not Party culture stuff? Not only did we not succeed in our task, but I also squelched another practitioner's enthusiasm. How could we cooperate in the future? I felt bad and thought that she must feel worse. I decided to let go of my attachment to saving face and gi visit her to apologize.
Two days later, I went to her home and said sincerely, “I came to apologize. I am sorry. My Party culture was too strong and it hurt you.”
She said with a smile, “I felt upset, too. Two days and nights of looking within myself enabled me to realized that I am too stubborn and do not want to be criticized.”
I said, “Please do not be angry.” She said, “For what? I should thank you, but you beat me to it. Our personalities are opposite, we often collide. However, we can improve quickly.”
Thus, our differences were resolved by using the Fa as our guide. Our xinxing improved. I felt as if a door had been opened in my heart. My body and mind felt pleasant and relaxed, which had never happened before. It was like a layer of Communist Party shell had broken off. I am grateful to Master because He melded our different personalities together. As a result of our overall cooperation, the detained practitioner was released soon after her husband realized that she would be sentenced.
Through a number of problems I had with fellow practitioners, I realized that I still had the seeds of Party culture in me. I had a sense of importance and urgency to remove these elements. Thus, I hoped to get help from my husband (also a practitioner) to work on this. So I sincerely asked him, “In recent days, aspects of my indoctrination by the Party has caused me to have several conflicts. I have realized how harmful it is and want to quickly remove it. Do you think that I demonstrate any aspects of Party culture here at home?”
He calmly said, “Quite a few! If we both behaved like you, would we still be together? You don't do any household chores like a woman should. Have you ever swept the floor, cleaned the house, or washed clothes? While you were busy with work, I did not mind doing all the housework. But since you retired, you still let me do everything!
“You cannot cook; what you cook is tasteless and only fit for pigs. I made a mistake by marrying you—you are completely useless as a wife. Other husbands eat well and gain weight—no one is like me, as thin can be.” He sighed with his last words, sounding helpless.
I was not happy to hear this and defended myself: “A cultivator should eat whatever he can get to fill his stomach. Are you attached to food? You are too picky. You don't want to spend much and want to live cheaply, so I have a hard time cooking a good meal.” He saw that I did not accept what he said and did not say a word in reply.
I later calmed down and recalled my behavior at home and realized that what he’d said was all true. I did not do housework even when I had time. I misplaced things everywhere, and he needed to clean it up. When I got up in the morning, if I wanted to memorize a paragraph of the Fa, he would clean the floor. He was used to washing his own clothes and had done it for a long time. When I cooked, I did it quickly without caring about how it tasted. If he disliked the food, he ate pickles. He really was a housewife. Looking at it from his point of view, he was right.
Thinking about this, I couldn't help but ask myself, “How did I end up like this?” The reason, again, was the Party's indoctrination. I remembered the Party's slogans: “Women need to be liberated!” “Women can top half the sky!” and “Women can do whatever men can do.”
I was competitive and always wanted to be a superior woman who was outstanding, and I treated men as if they played only a supporting role. I always thought about getting ahead of men to overthrow traditional culture.
Thus, in my family, I neglected a wife's responsibilities. My behavior in my family was opposite that of Chinese tradition; it was instead consistent with the contemporary, decadent attitudes. Even my daughter-in-law criticized me for not taking care of my husband.
Through a lot of Fa study, I have since improved, and my thinking has changed. I began to learn how to do housework. I became more considerate of my husband to give him more time to study the Fa. He had less education, so he studies the Fa more slowly and could not keep up with me. For this reason, he often felt depressed and humbled. That was related to my lack of taking care of him.
Usually, I took the time to study the Fa by myself and let him do most of the housework, which took away his Fa-study time. I turned a blind eye to this and felt it was normal. I was very selfish. I felt very sorry for doing this to my husband and was regretful.
Through seriously looking inside myself, I found a lot of attachments that all originated from the Party's indoctrination. I will certainly remove it, truly take the Fa as my guide, and be a qualified practitioner.