(Minghui.org) Through two decades of practicing Falun Dafa I have truly experienced the difficulty of cultivation and the extraordinary benefits that come from letting go of attachments.
I had the deepest insight after reading something Master said:
“It is good enough if you have this wish. It is the master who actually does this, as you are simply unable to do it.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I was illegally arrested and held in a detention center a few years ago, awaiting trial. Thinking that my arrest would affect many people, a huge sense of guilt enveloped me. I felt I had sinned against Dafa and involved fellow practitioners. This strong sense of guilt was used by the old forces to increase my attachment.
I became depressed, and for a long time was in a deep state of self-blame. I felt I was not worthy of being a Dafa disciple and I was going to be destroyed. My personal field was full of evil. I felt very uncomfortable, and sometimes I couldn’t even stand up.
I passed several months in this remorseful mood. However, compassionate Master arranged a fellow practitioner to talk to me from the cell next door. She was very worried after hearing I couldn’t do the exercises. She wrote a letter and some Dafa scriptures and passed them to me.
I read her letter and recited the scriptures repeatedly, feeling hope returning. My field began to clear, and positive energy returned.
The feeling of despair was replaced by happiness! I re-established hope and raced against the clock every day to study the Fa, do the exercises, send righteous thoughts, and talk to people about Falun Dafa.
Just as I recovered, my case was due in court. There were only a few days left before the trial, yet I wasn't ready to defend myself. I tried to write a defense statement several times but it turned out poorly. My righteous thoughts were not fully re-established.
I really didn't know what to do, or how to defend myself well so more people could know the truth. At that time I had to ask Master for help. I talked to Master in my mind: “I want this trial to become a grand event to spread information about Falun Dafa. Please strengthen me!”
On the first day of the trial I was still dizzy as I entered the police car. My field was not clear. I kept sending righteous thoughts along the way, cleaning myself and clearing my field to strengthen my righteous thoughts.
I also asked Master and the righteous Gods to help. In the courtroom I attentively listened to the public prosecutor and gave my defense statement. However, the questions I asked were ignored. The prosecutor and the court personnel just continued their prepared speeches.
The judge then announced a trial break and said the hearing would resume a few days later. I knew this was Master’s merciful arrangement, giving me time to prepare better defense tactics. I knew I must prepare well.
I had a dream that evening in which I saw the detention center guard give two pens to each person. I was given two three-color ballpoint pens. I opened the pen cover and inserted a small nail into each pen point.
I spent a whole day but couldn’t write the opening paragraph well. The next day, my mind was suddenly opened and I easily wrote many pages. The basic structure and content were complete. On the third day, I revised it and finished a dozen-page defense statement.
I modified it and prepared two copies: one for the court and one for my lawyer. The 12-page defense statement was written in nearly one day! The process was smooth and the statement expressed clear thinking.
This is something that would normally not be possible for a person who had been depressed for more than half a year and only just come out of the depression.
The people in my cell read my statement. They said I wrote well and thought I must have been well educated. Only I knew that I didn’t write it. It was Master who put the words in my mind and used my hands to write it.
I arrived at court with two copies of my defense statement, feeling both confident and a little anxious.
I thought of something Master said:
“I often say that we don't seek to gain any worldly things, right? When it comes to doing things, I consider the process most important, because during the process you can have people see the truth, during the process you can save the world's people, and during the process you can reveal the truth.” (“Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. III)
I thought, no matter what the outcome, I had to read my defense statement without interference so people could understand the truth—this was my responsibility.
My statement completely explained the truth about Dafa and the reasons for being persecuted. And, from the perspective of the law, it analyzed the illegality of the persecution.
Asking Master and other righteous Gods to help, I continually sent out righteous thoughts. I felt the courtroom was full of positive energy.
In my mind there were no conventional notions, fear, or concern. I just wanted to do this well. However, before I had a chance to make my defense, it was time for the final statement.
I hurriedly said to a young woman in uniform standing next to me that I hadn’t read my defense statement! She said I could read it in time.
It was finally my turn. I told the judge I wanted to read my defense statement and was given permission to do so.
I held the paper and began to read. It was silent in the courtroom, with only my voice sounding in the hall. It seemed to me time stood still. I was not in the courtroom, but in a large time-space field of the universe, loudly sentencing the evil.
I concluded by recommending dozens of convictions for all those involved in the persecution.
For more than 30 minutes, no one refuted or interrupted me. The judge announced a recess without adding anything.
The entire courtroom was full of additional police officers drawn from stations all over the city, and all were silent. The crowd dispersed quietly as tears streamed down my face.
A man in uniform came to take me back to the lounge. I asked him, “Are you a Party member?”
He said he was, and I asked him his surname. He told me and agreed to renounce his oath to serve the Chinese Communist Party (CCP).
He took me to a small room with nearly a dozen people in uniform. He smiled and said to them, “She wants me to withdraw from the Party.”
A cadre-like person said, “We would all like to withdraw.” The others said at the same time, “We all want to quit.”
It was a pity I didn’t write down their names at the time. I knew my behavior in court had played its role.
I had made a wish and wanted to turn the court into a place of truth-clarification. Therefore, Master arranged everything.
He arranged the time as well as fellow practitioners in my city and many surrounding towns to send righteous thoughts for me. Master even gave me ideas by arranging for me to watch how a lawyer defended in court.
We are here for sentient beings. As long as our thinking is for the Fa and for those sentient beings, Master will arrange everything.
Master said,
“Clarifying the facts and saving sentient beings are what you need to accomplish. There is nothing else for you to accomplish. There is nothing else in this world that you need to accomplish.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2015 New York Fa Conference”)
“It is necessary for a Dafa disciple to ensure his cultivation on a daily basis, and it is the mission of a Dafa disciple to clarify the facts and save people. You cannot go without either of these as you journey toward consummation. How well you do is a reflection of whether you are diligent in your cultivation. The current state of affairs in society may change, but never will the requirements for cultivation, as they are the standards of the cosmos and the standards of Dafa.” (“A Reminder” Team Yellow Translation)
“Do well with all the things you should do. All the most magnificent, most wonderful glory and honor of the future await you.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Washington DC Fa Conference” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. VI)
I often feel honored to be a Dafa disciple at such a time, but also often regret my failures.
I feel that I have fallen short of Master's requirements for me. There are still many attachments I have not removed, and many sentient beings have not been saved.
I feel deeply responsible. At the last moment of the Fa-rectification I have no reason to slack off. I have to do well!
Thank you, Master! May fellow practitioners encourage each other!