(Minghui.org) Greetings, compassionate Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I have been practicing Falun Dafa for 26 years. In 2007 our family of three left China. Even though we left an environment where the persecution was rampant I didn’t cultivate well. The stress of work and various pressures made me fail to balance the relationship between work, life, and cultivation. I often complained amid conflicts and lost my temper with my family.
I knew that a cultivator should not behave like that, but I just couldn’t control myself. I found that my resentment and anger stemmed from my strong attachments to achieving my goals. It was a reflection of my failure to cultivate xinxing according to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I treated others with tolerance and courtesy, yet I treated my own family members with another standard. This double standard meant that my cultivation was fake.
In order to have more flexible time to do Dafa-validation work, we started a small family business. However, mortgage, daily living expenses, and Dafa-validation work all needed money. My wife took on a lot of the business and her everyday schedule was full.
I also participated in four truth clarification projects. Every day I was exhausted. Sometimes I even fell asleep in my car while waiting at traffic lights. I often complained about my wife, saying that I didn’t want to do so much business.
Sometimes I could calm down to look within and was able to see my human notions when studying the Fa. When conflicts occurred, I couldn’t control myself. At our group study and sharing, I always complained that we did not progress. I sounded very experienced but the truth is that I wanted to change others.
I studied business management and was a company boss. I formed my own way of looking at things and people. The Party culture was deeply ingrained in me. Although I can observe my xinxing in my behavior, I always blamed my failures on others, rather than looking within and cultivating myself. I knew that this was not the state of a cultivator, but I thought that I was doing it for Dafa. I couldn’t find a solution to this issue and it became a bottleneck in my cultivation over the years. It often made me feel distressed and confused. I tried to avoid conflicts but I slacked off in cultivation.
Our coordinator and fellow practitioners sometimes kindly pointed out my problems. I also asked myself if I would ever stop complaining.
Master said,
“This means that to practice in a setting as complicated as this, we need to be able to weather the most trying of storms and have outstanding self-control, or ren.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
From the Fa, I enlightened that my endurance and capacity were not enough. I didn’t use the higher standard to require it myself. I was also affected by the situations and pressure in the everyday world. I did not treat them with a cultivator’s righteous thoughts—so I did not pay attention to xinxing. I told myself: When difficulties and conflicts arise in the future, I must maintain a calm mind and go with the flow. I must do my work well, no complaints.
One day the project I participated in required me to talk about my experiences. As soon as the online meeting started, my wife opened the door saying that we had to do a job that afternoon. I was agitated and said, “I have to attend a meeting.” But I immediately noticed that my resentment came out, so I tried to calm myself.
I asked a fellow practitioner if I could be the first one to talk. He said yes. After I talked, I went to work. My client was an Indian. She told us that India had a bad Covid outbreak. Many people were infected but had no money to get treated, so they could only wait to die. We immediately clarified the truth to her.
From this experience, I realized that there was no separation between work and cultivation, and Master Li (Dafa’s founder) arranged everything. And I also found that when there was a conflict time-wise between doing truth-clarification work and ordinary people’s job, suddenly the client would cancel his job that day. When I spent money on a truth-clarification project, my business would increase and the money came back.
I realized that if I don’t balance well the relationship between work and cultivation, and if I don’t cultivate well, no matter how much Dafa work I do, it equates to ordinary people doing ordinary things. After realizing this, I started to treat everything at home seriously. I took the initiative to do the heavy and hard work. I no longer insisted on my ideas. I was tolerant of my family members and truly cultivated myself.
My home environment became harmonious again. My wife used to complain that my state of cultivation was not good. Also, a Dafa project she had participated in was stopped. For a very long time, she didn’t attend group study. Upon seeing my changes, she came back to the group Fa study.
After graduating from the university, my son looked for a job, but whatever job he got didn’t last long. He started doing some business but failed. When he went to China to do business, he lost all his money. After he came back I didn’t say anything. Since I changed I was able to communicate with my son. I didn’t blame him—instead, I helped him analyze the situation.
I knew that it was a good thing for a child to experience some failures in the process of growing up, and it could be that I owed him in a previous life. In order to let him realize that he needed persistence in doing things, I spent a year of my spare time renovating my front and back yards. The materials, design, and construction were all done by me. I said to him, “You see, the path of life is like this. You must persist in doing everything without being afraid of hardships. In order to succeed, you need to do things well little by little. I used to urge him to learn some kind of skill, but he always refused to listen. Now he accepted my suggestion and was able to take responsibility and start his own life.
I used to work in Sydney so I often traveled back and forth between the two cities. A practitioner who distributed flyers and collected signatures on a petition asked me to bring back some materials from Sydney. She asked me several times, but I didn’t say yes. I had resentment, feeling that the cultivation environment in Canberra was not as good as I wanted. I didn’t want to get involved.
Although I can see my own shortcomings, I still use the Fa to measure others and stick to my own ideas on the grounds that I’m defending the Fa. When I see that Dafa suffers losses or when the project I am involved in encounters interference, I become angry. My negativity spilled over into my relationships with family members and practitioners.
Although I don’t show my emotion, in my heart there is a gap between me and other practitioners. I don’t want to cooperate and I want to do things my way. I also seek support among practitioners to show that I am defending the Fa. In doing a truth-clarification project, when I encounter problems coming from my family or other practitioners, I am often unable to treat the tests as a practitioner. I feel angry and resentful upon seeing negative results afterward.
But one day a voice echoed in my mind: “How come you just don’t get enlightened to it?” I felt that Master was talking to me. I immediately looked within: What’s wrong with me? What have I done wrong?
A few days later, I remembered that the practitioner asked for materials many times. I thought to myself: It’s about saving people—why did I let my human thinking get the better of me? Although my resentment was not towards this practitioner, my human mentality was really delaying the big thing of saving people!
One day on my way to join the group Fa study, I met this practitioner. I humbly admitted my mistakes and I promised to cooperate in the future. During the discussion after Fa study, I openly apologized to this practitioner in front of everyone and admitted my mistakes. I must have the courage to acknowledge my mistakes, face my human attachments and get rid of them.
Canberra is the capital of Australia, and we routinely mail truth-clarification materials to MPs. I ordered 100 sets of “Ironclad and Irrefutable Evidence.” When I was collecting signatures on a petition, some people asked for evidence of forced organ harvesting. But when I told the coordinator about the 100 sets of books and discussed how to use them, she decided not to send them to MPs, saying that sending one set to each one was not very effective. At that time, my mind was quite calm.
As a cultivator, the first thing I thought of was cultivation. I made a comparison: What my thoughts were before, and what I should do now to meet the standard of a cultivator? Was this test arranged by Master? I suddenly realized: Isn’t this an opportunity for me to eliminate my resentment and attachment to loss and gain? I thought it was great! I never felt so happy and sacred, with endless gratitude in my heart.
When I let go of my human attachments, my wisdom came forth. I also realized that there were bound to be places for these 100 sets of books to go, and they would definitely play their role. For example, they could be provided to libraries, legal departments, or be used when doing a petition on organ harvesting.
The coordinator told practitioners in other cities about the books. One practitioner suggested that we give them to local MLAs. Practitioners’ joint efforts came up with more channels to promote the book and the results were better than I expected.
From the perspective of considering others, I could understand the coordinator’s decision, as she knew the situation better. I should not have any of my own human notions. Through this incident, I felt that I had made a breakthrough in my cultivation. My previous narrow mindset of being attached to loss and gain was removed, and I perceived the broad and immense wisdom of the ten-directional world summarized by the Buddha school. Had I not grasped this opportunity arranged by Master for me to improve in cultivation, I might have wasted Master’s effort, hence lost the chance for saving people and for my improvement. That would be a real loss.
Because of elevation in cultivation, I broke through the bottleneck that hindered my improvement in cultivation for many years. Further letting go of my human notions enabled me to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and my understanding of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance was deepened. My state of treating cultivation with human emotions was reversed.
Master said,
“Back in my days of practice, more than once a teacher told me, “Nothing is truly unbearable or impossible.” And it really is so. It’s an outlook you only stand to benefit from. So the next time you are going through a real trial or tribulation, try to keep this in mind and see if you can bear it. Or when faced with what seems impossible, and even if others say so, try to keep this in mind, and see if it might just be possible. I believe that if you can do that, you will always find that there is light at the end of the tunnel.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
Upon my improvement in cultivation, I get to understand a deeper meaning of the above Fa: Only when a cultivator lets go of his human attachments, can he reach the state of true forbearance. A cultivator’s forbearance is related to his understanding of cultivation, his great compassion and tolerance, his firm faith in the Fa, not the kind of tolerance endured with tears.
Master said,
“To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” (“What is Forbearance (Ren),” Essentials for Further Advancement)
Master said,
“Let your discontentment and resentment go; it’s just an attachment. And start watching what you say. It’s not your place to speak among practitioners about things that aren’t in line with the Fa. Make good on your mission—your very future depends upon it. Spiritual perfection is only possible for a Dafa disciple who takes the Fa’s teachings as his guide and doesn’t lose the heart he had at the start!” (“A Strong and Urgent Warning”)
By measuring myself with the Fa, I found that my behavior did show anger, resentment and intolerance of injustice. Now that Fa-rectification has reached its final stage if I still don’t rectify my state, will I be able to consummate? In the past, I thought I had a pure heart for cultivation and I also tried my best to save people. When I compared myself with Master’s Fa, I found that for many years, I had human attachments and notions mixed in my cultivation. I realized that this prevented me from improving in my cultivation.
Master said,
“The most difficult things for people to abandon are their notions. Some people cannot change, even if they have to give up their lives for fake principles. Yet notions are themselves acquired postnatally. People always believe that these unshakable ideas—ideas that can make them pay any price without a second thought—are their own thoughts. Even when they see the truth they reject it. In fact, other than a person’s innate purity and innocence, all notions are acquired postnatally and are not a person’s actual self.” (“For Whom do You Exist?,” Essentials of Further Advancement)
Through studying the Fa, I understood that I regarded the loss and gain of ordinary people as defending and validating the Fa—this notion strengthened my human attachments and expanded my demon nature.
I realized that human notions were far from Master’s grand and merciful Fa principles. My personal understanding was not the truth of Dafa. I shouldn’t insist that I was right and I should let it go. As my understanding of the Fa improved, I felt that a large piece of matter was removed from my heart. When I was singing a Dafa song, even my voice felt clearer. My wife said, “It’s because you no longer have resentment.”
When I was doing the exercises many years ago, Master let me see the beautiful scenes in heaven. At that moment I felt that my heart and that beautiful world were fused together. Now I realized that Master was giving me a hint. There is no limit to the improvement of Dafa cultivation. I will study the Fa more, cultivate diligently, not lose the heart I had at the beginning, live up to Master’s mercy and salvation, and fulfill the great mission for which I came.
As my level of cultivation is limited, mistakes are inevitable. Please kindly correct me.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2021 Australia Online Falun Dafa Experience Sharing Conference)