(Minghui.org) A fellow practitioner spoke ill of me behind my back for a long time, and I finally overheard it unintentionally. I was very angry that the practitioner often took things out of context, disregarding the facts in order to benefit herself. At times I had to tell other practitioners what really happened. I was confident that I was the one with rationality and facts, and I looked down on the practitioner who spoke ill of me. The gap between us gradually grew larger.

Our discord was not only known to practitioners, but to some regular people who seemed indignant towards me and supportive of the other practitioner. They unkindly asked me provocative questions when they met me. Every time I encountered this situation, I endured it with a regular person’s mentality and felt very hurt and annoyed. I always felt that the practitioner had said something untrue in order to save face.

I treated this situation as if I were a regular person. I always felt I was the rational one. Yet I felt stuck in it, and was unable to get out. These things kept reflecting into my mind, and I was very angry, as I always thought I was right. Experiencing this thought karma every day was depressing me.

Moreover, I became suspicious. When someone looked at me unpleasantly, I felt that practitioner must have told them something. I became upset and almost went into a depression because of my human notions. Only then did I remember to ask for Master’s help, “Master, how should I deal with these things? I don’t want to stay at this level forever.”

Then one night I had a dream: A stylish woman complained to me that she was wronged by others for her hard work. I tried to persuade her not to be sad. Suddenly the door of a car parked outside opened, and a police officer came into the room angrily. The woman immediately pointed at me and said, “It’s her!” Before I could explain myself, the officer had already put a gun to my head and was about to open fire. I closed my eyes without any pressure or fear, and said in my heart, “I will let Master arrange everything.” Then I woke up.

The feeling of the gun against my head was so real that I realized maybe I should not try to explain anything to others, or care too much about what others say about me. The more I cared about these things, the more space I gave to the bad substances or bad matter to survive. The more human thoughts the bad matter presented to me, the more I was disturbed by it. My disgust towards those substances in turn increased my thought karma and made it impossible for me to study the Fa with a calm mind. It became a vicious cycle. I reminded myself that it was my karma that caused others to treat me badly. I should be as unaffected by it as I was in the dream.

I read Master’s poem one day and understood that the most important thing for me is to look within,

“Don’t argue when people argue with youCultivation is looking within for the causeWanting to explain just feeds the attachmentBreadth of mind, unattached, brings true insight”(“Don’t Argue”, Hong Yin III)

Similar things happened a few times. Other practitioners said something completely untrue. Although those things were not related to me, I realized that I required others to speak the truth, otherwise I looked down on them. I had that notion.

Master said:

“That’s how things will be for you, starting now. Whether you are right or not is, for a cultivator, not important whatsoever. Don’t argue left and right, and don’t emphasize who’s right and who’s wrong. Some people are always stressing that they’re right, but even if you are right, even if you’re not wrong, so what? Have you improved on the basis of the Fa?” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan”, Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. X)

This is where my problem lay. I did not truly improve myself on the basis of the Fa. Instead, I used human thoughts and notions to look at the problems. As a cultivator, I need to study the Fa well, look within, find my attachments, and send forth righteous thoughts to get rid of them. This is a cultivator’s path. My cultivation path of looking within should not be interfered with by human principles and thought karma.

I also realized that I hadn’t truly cultivated my speech; I had the tendency to talk about things, even if they had nothing to do with me. I also had jealousy. I must truly eliminate these.

This is my personal understanding. Please kindly point out anything that is inappropriate.

[Editor’s note: This article only represents the author’s current understanding meant for sharing among practitioners so that we can “Compare with one another in study, in cultivation.” (“Solid Cultivation,” Hong Yin)]