(Minghui.org) I moved to the United States ten years ago, and I thought I paid attention to eliminating Communist Party culture. After I married my husband (a Western Falun Dafa practitioner) two years ago, I began noticing how deeply ingrained Communist Party culture was in me.
I never thought I was a slovenly person. Last year both my husband and I worked from home due to the pandemic. I wore my casual clothing while I worked. After breakfast, my husband, however, always changed his clothes and combed his hair before sitting down to work, just as though he was in the office.
At every meal, my husband always lays out a placemat first. Then he puts his plate filled with food on the placemat before he starts to eat. When I used my chopsticks to pick up food from shared dishes, he always gave me a strange look. When I noticed it and asked if he thought my eating habits were rude, he'd say, “Oh, I find it a bit unusual.”
I usually eat very fast—my mind is on other things while I eat. My husband eats slowly. Sometimes he even takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and savors his food. He pays attention and shows respect for everything, including food.
In fact, in traditional Chinese culture, people emphasized etiquette. The emperor always led high officials to worship heaven and earth during important holidays.
I often use the speaker on my phone when I make phone calls. It’s convenient for me, but I did not consider how it affected others. My husband always puts on headphones and closes his door when he makes longer phone calls so that he won’t disturb me.
When I explain something to my husband, sometimes my voice gets louder and louder. He usually stops me and says, “Please don’t get angry.” I thought I was not angry and I only wanted to explain things clearly. In his eyes, I was already agitated.
Master said,
“The Chinese speak loudly everywhere and shout at the top of their voices, and people in mainland China get used to this, but the international community will not take it. This has to change. But the image of people from mainland China has indeed left the world with such an impression, and the Chinese overseas all feel disgraced and ashamed. But did you know? The evil CCP is not telling the Chinese people these things, and is not teaching people the righteous things. It purposefully let the world’s people see that the Chinese are like this, and it just wants to destroy your image and damage your dignity. And people find it hard to detect on their own. I think that, when people have more opportunities to come out, they will slowly feel that this society is different, and they will slowly pay attention, and everything will be all right. The established habits are really hard to get rid of, and the Party culture that teaches people to struggle has distorted people’s character into one with which people will feel happy only if they cut loose all at once. It really won’t do if these things taught by the evil CCP are not corrected.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2016 New York Fa Conference”)
By interacting with my husband, I discovered that the way I speak and what I say is often influenced by Communist Party culture. I was often self-centered and ignored others’ feelings.
For example, when someone asks if I need something, I often blurt out, “No.” My husband says, “I am good, thanks.” In comparison, my answer seems to deny the other person.
I often said, “You can,” for example, “You can eat it. I don’t want it anymore.” My husband later taught me the correct way should be, “You are welcome to finish it.” His response gives others a choice, while what I said is like giving an order.
Also, I often say, “You should” and “Do you understand?” My husband suggested I use, “Have you tried to,” and “Am I making sense?”
In terms of respecting others, when my husband wants to offer me something, he asks, “Do you mind...?” In contrast, when I want him to try some good food, I thrust it directly into his mouth without asking. Now I understand that it’s not respectful to force something I think is good on someone.
When describing something I do not like, I often say, “It’s not good.” My husband pointed out that I’m giving a definition based on my own feelings. He suggested that I could say, “I don’t like it” instead since that is my personal feeling. In fact, I did not hear him use “I don’t like it.” He expresses his opinion more euphemistically to show respect.
Once I bought him a tie. He did not really like that pattern, but instead of expressing his dislike directly, he said, “I may need a little more time to feel good about the tie.” A short time later, he said his favorable impression of the tie was “growing.”
I was touched. I realized I still had a long way to go on cultivating my speech.
When I complained about a person to my husband, he listened for a while and asked, “You don’t like that person, do you?” I admitted that was true. He then pointed out it was my jealousy.
I learned that, in general, Westerners do not doubt other people. They usually do not criticize others.
I often say, “Why not,” and I noticed the way I say things contained a fighting mentality. For example, I say, “Why didn’t you close the door?” The sentence is in fact blaming the other person, which is a part of the Communist Party culture of fighting.
One of my husband’s characteristics that I admire the most is his positive way of thinking.
When I complained about the pain in my legs during sitting meditation, he said, “That’s wonderful. Pain while meditating is a good thing. The more painful it is, the more karma you are eliminating!”
If his work does not go well for example, if he loses a deal, he does not complain. Instead, he says he learned from the experience.
When we go for a walk, my husband never locks the door since he believes there are no bad people. When he gets out of the car, not only does he not lock it, he sometimes throws the keys on the driver’s seat. I always think, “He’s making it easy for car thieves!”
When we visited a museum he brought a professional camera. Suddenly he said, “Where is my camera?” My heart sank and I thought the camera was stolen. But he remained calm and said, “It’s fine. I’ll go ask at the service desk.” He leisurely walked away and a while later returned with the camera. Indeed, someone found the camera and handed it to the desk.
I was very impressed by how civilized Western society is! I was also impressed by my husband who never thought the camera was stolen. I felt it shows he firmly believes in Dafa: if it’s yours it cannot be taken from you.
I remember Master’s poem:
“Secular and sacred, one creek apartForward or back: two different realms...” (“One Thought,” Hong Yin III)
I came to understand: when one’s thoughts are negative or evil, his or her corresponding world is dark and negative. When one’s thoughts are positive and kind, his or her world will be bright and the Buddha-light will illuminate everywhere.
I realized my thoughts were often negative. When I had difficulties I tended to think of bad results and put myself on guard against others. In a society under communist control, people do not believe in Gods and the moral standard is very low. People are used to thinking that everyone else is an enemy. People are constantly on guard, and only by doing so does one feel safe.
Seeing how a normal Westerner behaves in a normal society, I realized that negative thoughts and emotions are not from our pure nature. The Analects of Confucius told us “People all over the world are like brothers.” That is the human relationship in traditional Chinese culture.
Recently, a family member in China said on the phone: “Nowadays the Chinese Communist Party is promoting the restoration of traditional culture.” I said, “The core of traditional Chinese culture is believing in Gods and respecting nature.”
I did not realize I liked to control others until I’m with my husband.
When my husband drives, even though I’m in the passenger seat, I’m in charge. I keep telling him, “Slow down, look here, look there,” and so on. He finally told me, “I'm driving. I will look out.” I finally had to close my eyes so that I would not keep giving him instructions.
Why am I like this? I found that I wanted to be in control. I did not fully trust him.
Once when we were moving a sofa, I immediately began to give orders: which side he should carry, who should go first, which route we would take... until my husband said, “I’m the man here.”
I remember Master said,
“...Women are strong and smartImpetuous, sharp-tongued, and dominating...” (“Yin And Yang Reversed,” Hong Yin III)
I saw from some of my past behaviors an evil element from the Chinese Communist Party: “Total control.” In a normal society, everyone pays attention to doing things well. People respect each other. Unnecessary controlling is not needed or welcome.
I am very grateful to my practitioner husband who has been like a mirror showing me the communist culture in my thoughts and behavior. I've seen how the communist culture poisons people. In a family without communist culture, we are relaxed and in harmony and respect each other.