(Minghui.org) I was born in Vietnam but now live and work in Japan. Before I began practicing Falun Dafa, my life as a student in Japan was mostly cut off from the world. I rarely spoke to others and my days were centered around attending classes, work, going online to read stories, watch movies or visiting social media platforms. I planned to return to Vietnam after living in Japan for less than a year but fate arranged that I met my husband.
In July 2019 when my child was 5 months old, I saw a video about practitioners doing the exercises. It looked so graceful and relaxing that I was drawn to try. I contacted a practitioner and learned the exercises. Soon I listened to all of Master’s Nine Lectures.
I encountered some interference while listening to the lectures but veteran practitioners told me to persist and the distractions quickly went away. I thus began to practice cultivation. I read Master’s lectures in different regions on my mobile phone and consequently all my health issues vanished.
After a period of time, as I did not practice cultivation solidly, I ran into difficulties and conflicts. I forgot I was a cultivator and my xinxing dropped. For over 6 months, I did not study the Fa or do the exercises at all.
But compassionate Master gave me a new chance to practice cultivation. This time I cherished the opportunity. I bought Zhuan Falun and other Falun Dafa books and read them every day. At the same time, with the help of other practitioners, I read the articles about other practitioners’ experience published on the Minghui website. Gradually, I settled into the one body of Dafa disciples and understood the significance and importance of cultivation. As I had poor enlightenment, I only slowly grasped these things after Master gave me hints time and again.
I’d like to tell you about some of my cultivation experiences.
I had to take care of my child and work part time at a supermarket. The school term came to an end and my child had to transfer to a different kindergarten. Because the school I applied to was not accepting new students, my child stopped attending kindergarten. We could either wait for an opening or I could apply to another school further away from home.
My parents-in-law ran into many problems and needed money. Every time my mother-in-law rang to ask us to send money back for this and that, I felt uncomfortable. All kinds of resentment and jealous thoughts popped up in my mind. We did not earn a lot of money then and had almost no savings. I was very worried and caught in a dilemma. I tried to find ways to improve our financial situation. Looking back later, I discovered this was an opportunity for me to get rid of my attachment to personal gain, but I did not realize it.
My husband is also a practitioner. However, he works full time and is therefore unable to ensure that he does the exercises and studies the Fa every day. I thought he was using this as an excuse for his complacency so I decided to share the household chores with him. If I was doing housework, I did not allow him to sit and play games or I would be upset. Whenever I got up early to do the exercises and he was still asleep, I would think: “If you don’t do the exercises or study the Fa, how can you call yourself a cultivator?” I encouraged him to read the teachings more often but he did not. In his spare time, he often took out his mobile phone and started looking at social media. I thought it was unfair and regarded him as an ordinary person in my heart. I was not able to treat him kindly and he eventually stopped practicing.
I thought, "If I had a full-time job like he does, I would be able to persist in practicing cultivation. This proves that he is simply holding onto his attachments." I tried my best to prove I was right and show off. Due to these internal struggles, whenever I encountered things that were contrary to my expectations, I became angry.
After I found a full-time job, I studied the Fa and did the exercises every day. I asked my husband to return to cultivation. He declined again, saying I needed to be in his position in order to understand his situation. Just then, a passage in Master’s Fa appeared in my mind:
“In fact, how can people be the same? The jobs they do are different, and so is the extent to which they fulfill their responsibilities.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
It turns out I was jealous of him.
I shared with him on many occasions and tried to get him to practice cultivation again. He refused to listen to me and thus I thought, why is he so stubborn? Why do I look down on him? Forget about it, I won’t remind him again! When I read the Fa and the chapter on “the mentality of showing off,” I enlightened that: When I asked him to practice cultivation, I did not let go of my jealousy. I spoke to him with the attitude of showing off and that I knew more than him. I wanted to tell him what Master said in the teachings. Jealousy made my suggestions ineffective.
While handing out fliers to people, I was also jealous of others. The other practitioners gave out many fliers yet I did not give out even a single one. I stood there but my mind was full of random thoughts, judging this person and that person. At times when I saw a pretty girl stroll past, I would think, her figure is good and she dresses well. Look at me, I am short like a student. People frequently commented that I looked like a student. I was upset: How can I save anyone when I have such a bad field around me?
After I memorized the teachings on jealousy, I discovered that this attachment manifests in many ways: My wish for personal gain, work, the state of my life, and my appearance. We should pay attention to all aspects of jealousy and get rid of them. Because we want to be better than others and are jealous, we tend to show off. When I found that I was inferior to others, I was resentful and felt unjust. When I thought I was better than others, I was pleased with myself and looked down on others. Consequently I had no compassion for others.
I manage my family’s finances. I make the final decision on all important matters and insist on handling it myself so that my mind can be at ease. When studying the Fa, whenever I read Master’s teachings about doubt, I am reluctant to read it. My mother has been reading Zhuan Falun for nearly a year as well. She reads Master’s teachings every day but often sends me text messages asking: “The things mentioned in the book, is it true? How can there be such a thing?!” She says she does not believe in cultivation. Sometimes I reply, “You cannot doubt Master’s teachings, every word in Master’s teaching is absolutely true, you must have faith in it!” I kept thinking it was my mother’s problem. Yet it never occurred to me that the problem was within me. Isn’t this doubt?
A few months ago, I changed jobs. I ran into so many problems I wanted to quit. I had to work overtime frequently, my coworkers did not do their work properly and I ended up having to do everything. The job took up too much of my time and I had no time to do the exercises or study the Fa. I thought there were too many difficulties and I tried to change the situation once again. I found it tough and did not know what to do. However as I studied the Fa more, I grit my teeth and continued to work there. If this happened before I became a practitioner, I would have changed everything within a week because “persistence” did not exist in my mind. I shared my problem with the group I studied with and a practitioner pointed out a passage in Master’s teachings.
Master said,
“Yet when you deal with this issue that has long confounded you, upon seeing the challenges ahead, fully aware of them, you retreat instead of pushing forward, and don’t want to do it.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference,” Collected Teachings Given Around the WorldVolume IX)
I was stunned. Wasn’t this talking about me? I wanted to change things and give up when I encountered difficulties. I read the Fa when I get home from work every night. All thoughts of quitting the job vanished when I read the Fa. Dafa gave me the power to persist despite the difficulties.
I wept when I realized my workplace is an environment Master arranged for me to cultivate in. The issues I ran into were like a mirror reflecting areas I needed to improve on. When the way others treated me made me feel uncomfortable, I should use the situation to look at myself. As I had been studying the Fa with a suspicious mindset for a long time, I was not able to grasp new principles and progress in cultivation.
My son wanted to eat a particular biscuit but I did not give it to him. I said, “Why must you eat this type of biscuit, can’t you eat something else?” After saying this, I felt as if I was speaking about myself. Still I did not enlighten. Master gave me hints again. I had a dream in which I saw Master’s law body taking Pigsy in Journey to the West as a disciple. Master’s law body said: “This is a serious matter, we cannot accept fake goods.” When I woke up, I thought Master was asking me to replace the artificial flowers in the room with fresh ones. When I mentioned my dream to my husband, he said: “I think what it means is that you are not genuinely practicing cultivation.” I was dumbfounded. I asked myself if I was truly practicing cultivation? Why am I not a true practitioner? Later on after I told other practitioners about my dream, I realized my cultivation is like Pigsy. I am greedy and loved to be comfortable. I was attached to lust and that means I care a lot about how I feel. I often don’t want to continue on the Journey to the West to fetch the scriptures!
Despite Master’s frequent hints, I did not look within to see where I needed to cultivate myself. I was focused on protecting my personal gains and leading a good life. I longed to hear pleasant words, and I wanted others to treat me kindly, so I was careful not to get into conflicts so that I would not be hurt. In particular, I did not trust anyone. After reading many sharings by practitioners, I knew I was holding onto the “fake me.”
I realized the severity of the matter, yet I did not know how to get rid of all these attachments. I thought, “Why didn’t I begin practicing Falun Dafa before I got married? It would have been easy to eliminate the attachment to lust.” It was as if my present environment was an obstacle to the problem.
Through Fa study, I realized that it was precisely because I am in such a complicated environment that I am able to practice cultivation. I need to get rid of my human notions, not my husband. One must let go of human thoughts in cultivation otherwise there will not be a fundamental change regardless of the environment.
Our attitude is especially important when we study the Fa. If our mind is not quiet, it won’t do. A practitioner should not act like an ordinary person. It is not a small matter if one does not do the exercises. If we don’t send enough righteous thoughts, some interference will actually take place in this dimension.
Whenever I run into problems I cannot resolve, I stop everything and study the Fa with a focused mind. I feel immersed in Master’s compassion, peaceful energy field and everything is resolved. This is the path arranged by Master. Whenever I’m aware of attachments I need to eliminate, the environment changes. My husband has now returned to cultivation. He joins the group Fa study and does the three things.
I thank Master for his compassionate salvation. I will continue to rectify myself in the Fa, cherish the time Master extended for sentient beings, and work hard in telling more people about Dafa.
(Presented at the 2022 Japan Fa Conference)