(Minghui.org) For many years I could not restrain myself, and did whatever I felt like doing. However, this morning, I had a thought to restrain my desires.
I was supposed to handle some issue this morning. It was extremely hot. I remembered a small mung bean dessert shop nearby and wanted to order take-out. Then I thought that I’ve never strictly restrained myself in my nearly 20 years of cultivation, and instead tried to find excuses so I could satisfy my desires. The Fa-rectification has been transitioning to the human world so time is urgent. However, I made no effort to control my appetite, and continued seeking comfort. I wondered if I had been cultivating at all. Although I could distinguish attachments from my true-self, in some cases, the strong attachments influenced my making decisions over my main consciousness.
I often reminded myself to endure hardships, but it was for enduring manual labor or physical hardships. In fact, I didn’t do all that well in this regard either. Now I found that the scope of enduring hardships is very broad: not only on the physical level, but also any uncomfortable feeling and suffering, originated by thoughts, actions, or physical pain. Therefore, forbearance includes enduring hardships. Then I realized that removing the desire for a food craving is part of my cultivation to endure hardships. With this clear thought, I walked past the mung bean dessert shop calmly.
What I went out to do this morning did not go well, and when I returned home my parents inquired. I told them the unfortunate news and complained. They were worried, but were unable to help, which made me regret my complaining.
Since I was a child, I have been complaining to my parents when I encounter any discomfort, so they will comfort me. I had not paid attention to the attachment until now. Controlling my complaining is also painful, but I must be able to endure hardships.
I am happy to realize these few shortcomings which I did not take seriously in the past. I can get rid of these attachments much easier now after paying attention to them. Now, I truly understand that I have to endure hardship.