(Minghui.org) We were both bad-tempered back in 1997 before my husband and I started to practice Falun Dafa. My husband used to get incredibly irritable. After practicing Dafa, I knew I should look inward during conflicts. Still, I usually couldn’t control my temper and sometimes talked back when he yelled at me. When I talked back, my husband always made a big fuss and stopped talking to me for several days.
We went through this vicious circle day after day. I even thought about divorcing him. However, I understood that we would fail to do what Dafa required of us if we divorced. I didn’t know what to do, felt bitter, and for a long time, I couldn’t find a way out.
I knew I couldn’t change my husband so I had to change myself. I tried to look within. I found my attachment to sentimentality. I wanted to have a warm, nurturing family. I had an attachment to competition and didn’t like to be criticized. I also found that I always thought highly of myself. I then discovered my jealousy. I felt it was unfair when I had to do the housework—I was as educated as he and earned the same amount of money as he did.
Master said, “For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. IX)
I was determined to cultivate diligently and pass this hurdle. I thought that even if I could not let go of my resentment and other attachments, at least I could control my mouth and not talk back. I decided to not explain myself or argue with my husband, no matter how unreasonably he behaved.
From then on, no matter how much he yelled, I didn’t say anything. Of course, it was hard, so I studied the Fa more. Gradually, I felt it was nothing. I found that I became more peaceful and less resentful. Surprisingly, my husband’s temper became gentle when I could control myself.
Master said,
“And that is what we try to do in the process of spiritual refinement: to rid ourselves of all that is bad within us, so that we may rise up. And it is the qualities of the universe that act as the gatekeeper. If you don’t work on your character, become a more moral person, and remove the bad material and thoughts in you, then those qualities won’t let you progress. I think you would have to agree, then, that mental and material phenomena are the same.” (The First Talk, Zhuan Falun)
Aren’t those attachments just harmful substances? I found that as long as I was determined to remove them, Master eliminated them for me.
I discovered my attachment and distorted notions after looking inward after each conflict. On the surface, he was angry with me for no reason, but he was helping me recognize my attachments and remove them. After putting up with my husband’s bad temper without talking back or arguing for a few years, my family finally became peaceful.
During this process, I kept studying the Fa, measuring myself against the Fa’s requirements and eliminating my different attachments.
As I removed my attachments, I could remain calm and compassionate during many situations. Looking back, my husband was helping me improve my character. Although he was irritable, he was honest and straightforward. Sometimes he lost his temper again but calmed down as soon as I looked inward to find my attachment.
When I looked within and rectified myself, I found that I may have been born with my character or I learned it from my parents. I also may have developed it during the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) brainwashing style of education, mainly indoctrination. For example, we were taught to hate or look down on certain people. My husband’s behavior helped expose my notions and eliminate them.
I realized that my so-called “character” were all attachments and should be eliminated. We had to be alert to every thought, seize the attachment and eliminate it.
My work unit was a state-owned enterprise, and these have always been places where people fought for fame and personal interest.
I graduated from university. Dafa opened my wisdom after stepping into the practice, so I could handle tasks efficiently. I found it easy to do the work that others thought challenging. The leaders also recognized my capabilities and sometimes gave me important work.
One day, a new colleague joined us. She had no skills and was hired because she was our leader’s personal friend. The leader told me to give my work to her and reassigned me to a busy and trivial job. The job was demanding and required good computer skills and a 100% accuracy rate.
I didn’t say anything but felt indignant. When I studied the Fa, I read what Master said about jealousy. I realized that I was still angry even though I didn’t say anything.
At that time, I had a lot of tips that I summarized over a long period. The template I built could save a lot of time. I didn’t have to give my notes to the new colleague as nobody knew I had them. I wondered if I should give my notes to her or not. I thought, “I don’t have to give my notes to her. However, I should help her because Dafa requests practitioners to be selfless and better people, someone who is completely selfless.”
Thinking of this, although I didn’t completely put down my indignant heart, I did not hesitate to give her my notes. I calmed down and helped her settle into the new job. We gradually became good friends.
I had a lot of interaction with the branch of my previous position, so everyone from the branches tried to flatter me. I gradually developed vanity and the pursuit of fame. Now that my job position changed, wasn’t this an excellent opportunity to get rid of my attachment to fame, jealousy and resentment?
At work, there were many opportunities to improve my xinxing. Take lunch, for example. My department was in a small, isolated office building, far from the company’s large cafeteria. Most of the time, we didn’t want to walk that far to eat lunch. At first, we made some meals together at noon, but most people just wanted to eat and didn’t want to cook. I then became the one who cooked for all.
All of my colleagues knew that I was a practitioner and I often talked about topics related to cultivation. Sometimes while cooking, I spoke about not wasting food. I told them that wasting food creates karma, and they all listened. Later they all knew not to waste food and said, “Save the leftovers for tomorrow.”
There was no assigned cleaner to our building, so we had to clean the office ourselves. I often cleaned the common areas and the women’s restroom. After I retired, a colleague said, “After you left, the bathroom became too dirty to walk in.”
I worked hard, was nice to everyone, and did not look at other people’s shortcomings. All my colleagues got on very well with me.
Our department had to downsize and let go of three staff members in 2012. The leadership decided to take a vote to decide which three people would leave. Everyone was under tremendous pressure. I was at peace and thought, “I’ll let Master decide what happens to me.” The results were announced on the spot after the vote. Everyone voted for me to stay.
Afterwards, the head of our department said, “You know what? You impressed me deeply. Everyone wanted you to stay!” A deputy director said, “Apparently, you are a nice person. I think you’re quite good at practicing what you believe in.”
I was very touched. Falun Dafa has been persecuted since 1999, and everyone knew I was a practitioner. I think most people still had a moral standard to measure good and evil. I appreciate Master, who taught me to be a good person and gave me the opportunity to show people how wonderful Falun Dafa is.
I have memorized the Fa for over three years and I am just starting to recite the book from memory for the fifth time.
I wanted to memorize the Fa for a long time but had trouble doing it by myself. I met a fellow practitioner by chance, and she said I could memorize the Fa with her. So we began to memorize the Fa together. We agreed to memorize four pages at a time, twice a week.
Master left the group practice environment for us. The advantage of setting aside time with fellow practitioners to memorize the Fa is that the environment could encourage us to be diligent and not slack off. Otherwise, we could easily be distracted and stop.
At that time, she had already memorized the Fa several times, so my speed was much slower than hers. After memorizing together twice, I thought I couldn’t keep her waiting, so I memorized at home before joining her so she didn’t have to wait for me.
When I first started memorizing, no matter how well I memorized at home, I always had some distracting thoughts and got stuck when it was my turn. I understood it was thought karma, which didn’t want me to recite the Fa, as this would eliminate it. I then recited it as fast as I could, in one breath, without giving any chance to get distracted. In this way, until the middle of the second lecture, I felt that my mind was much clearer, and I could recite it slowly. I was able to control my mind.
After the fourth time, I eliminated a lot of thought karma. I could focus when I did the exercises. I could listen to exercise music in an excellent state without thinking about other things.
Whenever I had a conflict with others, I could feel my attachments struggling. Those attachments were stubborn and had become second nature. I could not recognize them in the beginning, so I felt hurt when conflicts occurred that touched those attachments.
I wasn’t determined to eliminate my attachments until there was no other way to solve my family issues. Master helped me eliminate them. Sometimes I didn’t do well, but I improved every day. That’s cultivation.