(Minghui.org) For a long time, my wife (a practitioner) often created problems for me. I usually looked inward and tried to practice forbearance. But she would not stop. I was finally forced into a corner; I couldn’t take it anymore, so I quarreled with her. This tribulation lasted for a long time. I knew it was my problem, but I couldn’t find the root cause.
Master saw that I could not identify my problem and gave me a hint. One day, I saw the following scene: Several practitioners and I were discussing our cultivation experiences. A family member (who is a practitioner) pointed at me and said to another practitioner: “He is really good at forbearing.” This in fact is a something that happened several times.
I suddenly understood: My tribulation was caused by my show off mentality, which is, “I am good at forbearing.” The old forces took my attachment as an excuse, and used my wife to create tribulations. They said, “You want to show off how good you are at forbearing? Well then, we will let you experience forbearance!”
After I found my show off mentality that, “I am good at forbearance,” I immediately felt relieved. I knew I found the issue that the old forces used to target me. As soon as I identified my attachment this tribulation with my wife stopped. Thank you Master for the hint!
In fact, my desire to show off manifested in many ways. I showed off that I could endure, that my xinxing is high, that I studied the Fa well, and that I had a good understanding of the Fa. I showed off that I had strong righteous thoughts, cultivated well, and so on. The old forces took advantage of my attachment to showing off and imposed many tribulations on me, making my cultivation environment very complicated. I was cultivating among tribulations arranged by the old forces without realizing it.
I calmed down and searched for the root of my attachment to showing off. I remembered a dream from the early days of the persecution: Master was sitting on a white throne, and I was sitting on a lotus flower below Master. I saw several peaches laying on the ground. I told Master, “I will go down and pick those peaches.” Master smiled mercifully at me and sent me a thought: “You won’t be able to pick them.”
I still wanted to try. I went down and pulled one peach, but it didn’t move. I then pulled another one and it didn’t move either. I went for the third peach and it shook a little bit, but I was unable to pick it. I returned to Master and said, “Master, I really can’t pick those peaches.” Master looked at me and smiled.
The following day, I talked to several practitioners about going to Beijing to speak up for Falun Dafa. None of them wanted to go. I finally found one practitioner who agreed to go, but that afternoon he changed his mind. In the end I went to Beijing by myself.
At the time, I thought the “peach dream” was telling me that other practitioners could not go to Beijing, but I would go by myself. Now I understood that Master was telling me that my attachment to showing off was too strong. I didn’t even believe Master! Master said I would not be able to pick those peaches, but I still wanted to try. Come to think of it, I was also very arrogant and self-righteous!
My attachment to showing off was hidden deep in the microcosm, and it was very difficult to detect. I searched for the source of this attachment at a deeper level, and found that it came from the extreme selfishness of the old universe. And this selfishness was born in the “degeneration” stage of the cosmic cycle of formation, stasis, degeneration, and destruction.
As Master said,
“...While the universe was first establishedand still going strongit conformed to the WayBut with decline came deviation:selfishness began to hold sway…” (“Seeing Reason”, Hong Yin VI)
If I want to eliminate my attachment to showing off I must eliminate selfishness first.
A few days ago, my wife and I rode our tricycle to a practitioner’s home to discuss a project. We planned to return the next day. My wife suggested I go to the practitioner’s apartment, while she waited downstairs.
The practitioner said he could finish in a few minutes, so there would be no need for us to come the next day. I was happy to wait, but it ended up taking longer than we expected. When I came downstairs, my wife was nowhere in sight. I thought she must have gone home. I tried to get a taxi but couldn’t. In the end I had to walk a long way home.
When I got home, my wife was lying in bed. From her heavy breathing I could tell she was very angry. I thought, “Why are you so upset? We were working on a Dafa project, wouldn’t it be better to finish sooner? You are a practitioner, you should understand and support me!” I could not figure out what I did wrong. I thought I should forgive her, and this was an opportunity to improve my xinxing.
A few moments later, she suddenly stood up and shouted, “Get out!” I tried to explain but she refused to listen. She said I was selfish. I thought, “I am not participating in this project for myself, but to validate the Fa. How am I selfish?!”
Similar things happened in the past. I went to the countryside several times to fix equipment for other practitioners. I thought I would return before dark, but some unexpected problems surfaced and I returned home late. Each time, my wife exploded with anger. I never understood why. I treated each incident as an opportunity to improve my xinxing. So I calmly explained, and I was not upset.
But now this issue happened again. I asked myself, “Am I being selfish?” I must look within.
Master said,
“You should always be benevolent and kind to others and consider others when doing anything. Whenever you encounter a problem, you should first consider whether others can put up with this matter or if it will hurt anyone. In doing so, there will not be any problems. Therefore, in cultivation you should follow a higher and higher standard for yourself.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
After I looked inward, I realized that I was indeed being selfish. I only considered myself but didn’t consider other people’s ability to endure. I imposed my own standards on others. My “selfishness” was hidden under the cover of “validating the Fa.”
I sincerely apologized to my wife, and thanked her for everything she endured to help me cultivate. At that moment, I felt I was in a state of unconditionally looking inward. It was 100 percent my own fault, and I didn’t have the slightest thought of whether she was right or wrong.
One day, a family member, who was also a practitioner, suddenly said something nasty about me. I immediately realized it was an opportunity to cultivate. I didn’t make any excuses, but I just quietly and calmly examined myself. I didn’t have the same feeling as I had toward my wife the other day. This time I did not feel grateful or that I was at fault.
Why was it so different this time? I suddenly realized the reason I was grateful to my wife was because of my strong affection for her. I should remove that human affection. Only by doing so I can reach a state of pure selflessness.
Why didn’t I apologize to that family member? What prevented me from reaching the standard of a true cultivator? I saw that my attachments of showing off, arrogance, saving face, resentment, and my fighting mentality hindered my progress in cultivation.
I came to a new understanding of “Forbearance.” I found during past conflicts, my “Forbearance” always had a condition: The other party was wrong, but I acted according to the requirements of Dafa. Only now do I understand that my “Forbearance” is conditional and selfish. It is not the “Forbearance” required by Dafa for practitioners. When a conflict arose, on the surface I seemed unmoved. But, if the situation intensified and kept going, I reached my limit and I could not “bear it” anymore. This kind of so-called Forbearance is not based on the Fa so it does not pass the test. This is not true cultivation! I now realize that a cultivator’s Forbearance should be unconditional, and without any selfishness. Only this kind of Forbearance is based on the Fa.
In fact, when a cultivator cannot maintain xinxing and cannot endure, it’s usually because he feels that it is unfair. From the Fa, I realized that there is no such thing as “unfair.” Because the fundamental nature of the universe, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, restricts and balances everything. Good deeds are rewarded with blessings. Every life has to pay for his wrong doing. The law of the universe is absolutely fair!
As Falun Dafa practitioners we must pay for all the sins we committed in past lifetimes. We are so lucky that we have compassionate Master, who paid off most of our karmic debts, leaving only a little bit for us to endure, and improve ourselves. Everything we encounter is arranged for our cultivation. Knowing this principle, why do we feel any “unfairness”? Whenever we encounter conflicts, if we think about Master, we will be able to endure and be kind to those who create conflicts for us. This kind of Forbearance is compassionate, and based on the law of the universe. This Forbearance is compassionate.
As a particle of Dafa, safeguarding Dafa is our most fundamental responsibility. We should be immovable no matter what attacks we encounter. We should be able to give up everything in order to safeguard Dafa. This is how I understand Forbearance at my current cultivation state. Our Forbearance is also rational. Forbearance does not mean giving unlimited free reign to those who truly try to damage Dafa. Instead, Forbearance is protecting Dafa and cleaning out those who cannot be saved. Therefore, “Forbearance” also contains “Compassion.”
Through this recent incident, I also discovered a hidden problem in my cultivation. I had been wandering on the small road instead of following a righteous way in eliminating my “lust” attachment. In order to get rid of my attachment, I was usually cautious and vigilant and tried to avoid being intimate with my wife. I thought the intimacy between us meant that I had not let go of my lust.
When I read some of Master’s poems for the first time, such as “When Compassion Surpasses Love” (Hong Yin V ), “What Weighs On An Adherent’s Mind” (Hong Yin VI), “No Choice” (Hong Yin VI), I didn’t fully understand what Master said. I didn’t know what was behind my not understanding. I realize now that in eliminating lust, I unknowingly set many rules for myself. I did not truly cultivate my mind. I mistakenly thought that by following these rules I was eliminating my attachment to lust. I inadvertently took a small path of cultivation. That was not my true self. My cultivation was on the surface, and I did not follow the way Master arranged for us⸺ A Great Way Without Form. On this issue I never cultivated in the Fa, so it was very difficult to get rid of the demon of lust.
As a cultivator, we should think of others first and be considerate of them. How did my wife feel when I treated her this way? I should not use my standards to require of others and how they should act. Instead, I should look at things from the other person’s perspective. After I understood this, I found that I did not understand the “Great Way Without Form.” I did not deeply cultivate my heart. I hurt my wife’s feelings. At that moment, I realized that the Dafa taught by Master is a virtuous Great Law! It is compassionate and harmonizes everything.
If we truly follow the Great Way Without Form taught by Master and do well, consider others in everything we do, and cultivate our own minds when we encounter problems, then Dafa’s compassion and the harmonization of all lives will be revealed. All lives will see and feel the incomparable beauty of Dafa. I didn’t do well. Instead I caused harm to others and caused many people to misunderstand the Fa. Master has given all sentient beings such a great and sacred Dafa, but it was discounted or even misunderstood because I did not do well in my cultivation. I failed to live up to Master’s expectations!
I began to consider my wife’s feelings and no longer tried to avoid her. I paid attention to cultivating the lustful thoughts within myself. I found that my desire for lust went away very quickly this time, because I was cultivating in the Fa. I feel that my wife and I are two hearts together, without physical existence. Whatever I do, I always consider her first. Meanwhile she considers me first. Those lustful thoughts became very weak, and I felt that those thoughts were very dirty. I now truly appreciate the happiness that Dafa brings us at a higher level, and our life is beautiful.
In fact, the principle of the “Great Way Without Form” runs through all aspects of our cultivation. Once we value forms and rules but neglect cultivating our minds, we will easily go to extremes, which does not meet the requirements of the principle of a Great Way Without Form. For example, when we do Dafa projects that require saving people, if we pay too much attention to the project itself but neglect to cultivate and improve ourselves in the process, we are not following the Great Way Without Form.
Master said,
“Cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one’s master.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
It is Master who is saving all sentient beings. We are only improving ourselves and assimilating to Dafa in this process.
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