(Minghui.org) During the Chinese Communist Party (CCP)’s campaign to “zero out” Falun Dafa practitioners, I was forced to leave my home and went through a period of unforgettable cultivation. To be clear of my personal shortcomings, and even more to do well in my cultivation, I am writing this to report to Master (Falun Dafa’s founder) and share with fellow practitioners.
I did not manage to break through the old forces’ arrangement, as they were able to find and exploit loopholes in my attachment to living a comfortable life.
Over the past 20 years, my living and work environment was relatively good, so many of my attachments remained hidden. When I was forced to become displaced, this environment was lost and I faced the threat of being pursued by authorities. I realized I had a strong attachment to fame, gain and living a comfortable life.
Amid the heartbreak, I memorized Zhuan Falun, the main book of Falun Dafa, over and over again and studied Master’s lectures which he gave in different regions. During the process, I studied the Fa in a way that would fill my mind. It had been a long time since I studied the Fa this way. All these years, I had spent too much time studying the Fa superficially. Even when I sent righteous thoughts, I was mostly in a sleepy state or when wild thoughts would run through my mind. How could I be diligent in cultivation when I was in such a state? That was why the evil could easily exploit my loopholes and persecute me.
After being able to study the Fa in full concentration, I am often moved to tears by Master’s compassion. I also truly felt Master’s constant protection and enlightenment. This tribulation exposed my biggest problem, which is my fundamental attachment—not being willing to lose my comfortable lifestyle. This attachment caused me to be satisfied with the stable life that I previously had. It was also because of this fundamental attachment that I suffered all the hardship and felt so sad when it was all gone. Gradually, I understood that it was my attachment that led to this tribulation. Through this experience, I was able to get rid of the attachment, get rid of my karma and improve in cultivation. The so-called unfortunate event became a good thing.
I was always busy in the past and did not observe whether my every thought aligned with the Fa. Now that I had more time, I compared myself with the requirements of Dafa and found lots of attachments, such as fear, seeking comfort, fame, wanting to fight with others, showing off, lust, desire, and attachment to family.
Also, the CCP’s indoctrination has been deeply rooted in my thinking and behavior, so much so that it was hard for me to detect and differentiate them. For example, I liked to comment about others, force my opinions on others (especially those close to me), and speak loudly and boldly with none of the gentle demeanor that females should have, as per traditional Chinese culture. If I do not get rid of all these attachments and notions, they would seriously impede my improvement in cultivation. What is more serious is that it would negatively impact my effort to help Master save people.
I have not gotten rid of my attachment to fighting with others, impatience and fear, so I did not do well when I clarified the truth to people face-to-face. When I was speaking to the community staff and my company managers, I spoke to them about the legal basis and the truth about Dafa, but I was impatient, rushed to win them over, and displayed a strong attachment to fighting. I totally neglected the fundamentals of cultivation.
Master said,
“When you’re before sentient beings, as soon as words come out of your mouth and as soon as your thoughts emerge, they are able to disintegrate bad elements and the bad things that poison the world’s people and that exist in people’s minds. And then people will come to understand, and you’ll be able to save them. Without the mighty power of true Shan at work, you won’t be able to disintegrate those things, and you won’t achieve anything in clarifying the truth.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2004 Western U.S. Fa Conference.” Collected Teachings Given Around the World, Vol. V)
Only when we get rid of attachments are we equipped with the compassion and benevolence of a cultivator. Then, we will be able to do better in clarifying the truth.
I looked within and discovered a strong attachment of fear, which caused me to place protecting myself as my top priority. I did not have a deep understanding of Dafa practitioners’ serious mission to save people, and I did not place sentient beings’ safety as the priority. The root of the problem was in selfishness and self-centeredness. This meant that I had not attained the standards required of a cultivator, that was why I could not break through this persecution.
What left the deepest impression on me was the process of getting rid of fear. When this kind of fear is strong, one will unknowingly place oneself in the position of the victim in the persecution. That makes it hard for righteous thoughts to prevail. Fear is a kind of substance. The more scared one is, the stronger this substance becomes, controlling one tightly and stopping righteous thoughts from the true self from taking effect.
Every time after I came to understand some Fa principles, some changes would occur in the environment around me. Some matters or impressions that triggered my fear would appear, and the substance of fear would control me, making me uncomfortable. As the evil controlled the authorities to keep looking for me, sometimes I felt that I was immediately going to face the danger of being captured. I realized that this was not the understanding from my true self, so I immediately sent forth righteous thoughts to get rid of it.
I also used the Fa principles to strengthen my righteous thoughts. After going through this drill repeatedly over a period of time, I felt this substance had weakened, and my righteous thoughts could now take precedence. When it was really hard to bear, Master enlightened me on what I should do.
My righteous thoughts became stronger and stronger. I decided to clarify the truth to the company managers through writing a letter, but I was worried that this move would mess up my newly stabilized life. However, I thought that Dafa practitioners’ mission was to save people and that the company managers had an affinity with Dafa. Therefore, I wrote the letter seriously, corrected it repeatedly, and mailed it out to the company.
Things did not go as planned, and my environment seemed nerve-racking again. It may have been because my heart was not pure and my righteous thoughts were not strong enough when I was writing the letters. There was also some selfish thoughts involved, as I was not pure in being thinking of others before myself. I kept strengthening my Fa study and sending righteous thoughts. My heart became more and more stable. With the help of other practitioners, I wrote another letter. Maybe because I had improved in cultivation, there were obvious changes in my environment. I could also face my company managers. This process of getting rid of the stubborn attachment of fear took more than half a year to get rid of.
If not for Master’s benevolent protection and enlightenment, if not for Dafa’s guidance, it would have been impossible for me to overcome this tribulation. I can only cultivate diligently so as not to let down Master’s compassion.
Through sending forth righteous thoughts, I could feel the evil elements disturbing me being reduced, my dimensional realm brightening up, and my heart becoming more stable. The deeper lesson from this tribulation was that I must face people with benevolence and compassion, because they are all beings who are waiting to be saved. No matter who they are, my mission is to help Master save sentient beings. After having this understanding, I decided to return home.
I returned home safely and went out to buy groceries and run errands as usual. When I met those people who used to monitor me, I still felt a bit uneasy. I was not able to attain pure compassion. There is still a substance of selfishness creating the problem. Even if they had harmed me before, they were actually pitiful beings, I thought, since if they did not change, they would face a scary demise.
The doorbell rang, and a voice over the intercom said they were from the police station. I did not think much of it and opened the safety door very calmly. I had no fear and only thought of treating the visitors kindly. Much to my surprise, the two young officers found an excuse to leave. After that, I used all sorts of reasons to analyze the reason for their visit, then realized that this kind of thinking was incorrect. I went on to look within, found the attachment to comfort, and sent forth righteous thoughts to disintegrate the disturbance.
Ever since I was displaced, I lost my source of income. This was financial persecution. I realized it had to be an arrangement of the old forces, and I could not acknowledge it. Therefore, I kept requesting that my managers allow me to return to work and guarantee my legal rights. I also kept trying to obtain their support because this was also their chance to treat Dafa practitioners kindly and thereby choose their own futures.
In order to reject this form of persecution and have the company leaders understand the truth, I wrote letters to them. I hoped that the upper management would also be saved through these letters. However, there was no reply, and I felt dejected. Digging deep inside, I found that it was still my attachments at play. I had to get rid of them quickly. Only through continuously cleansing myself could I progress in Fa-rectification.
Through these experiences, I learned about the seriousness of cultivation. Practitioners must cultivate their xinxing and guard our every thought. We must attain the Fa’s standard at every level before we can overcome the tribulations and move up.
Furthermore, I also felt that Master is by our side, protecting us at all times. I want to cherish this rare affinity from the bottom of my heart, remember Dafa practitioners’ mission, try my best to do well in the three things, assist Master in Fa rectification, and not let the hopes of sentient beings down.